4yo won't take herself to the loo 'HELP!'

[MotherofUnicorns]

My youngest daughter is 4y 3months and is still having wee and poo accidents regularly at school and home. I am literally at my wits end.
We started training at just under 3 and it wasn't successful at all but we perservered over the summer as she was starting a nursery in the september that required her to be dry.
Come Sept and it was a disaster, the school nursery were not especially helpful and very judgy about the whole thing. Telling me it took up too much teacher time to keep changing her for example (this is a nursery not a school!!). This was all very stressful and i think the whole of the last academic year probably set her back.
She has had good weeks with no accidents but she NEVER just goes to the loo.
She can go on her own if you tell her to go but she has literally never said the words ' i need a wee' or 'can i go to the loo'.
SHe has not other behavioural issues, she is Cows MilkProtein intolerant so sometimes i put the poos down to bad digestion or eating something that hasn't agreed with ehr but seriously there is no excuse for just shitting in your pants!!

I have no idea what to do anymore. Her new school are being much more supportive and there are loads of sticker charts for her at school but she isn;t really that bothered. I have started taking her toys away when she poos herself and saying she can have them back if she does a poo in the toilet.
I have no more ideas.
I saw the GP last xmas who thought i was mad but i wonder whether i need to see them again a year later....
Apparently they don't do much until she is 5 or 6 anyway....
Honestly i am in tears regularly over this, it is just so frustrating. She is a bright happy girl most of the time and i just don't understand what is going on.
ANy ideas ? links?

[Blueisthemagicnumber]

You should be able to speak to the school nurse for advice. And go in to have a meeting with the team that works in her reception task, and be frank with them about it, and how difficult it is. I work in a school, and we would want yo do everything to help too.

[Blueisthemagicnumber]

*to

[WhirlwindHugs]

Have you had a look at the ERIC website?

[MotherofUnicorns]

thanks blue yes i have a had a couple of meetings with the reception team and they are being good. I think the school nurse and possibly the cousellor (?) might be the next step......
Yes i have looked at ERIC but not recently - i will look again now..

[Blueisthemagicnumber]

Perhaps take her every half hour, and hopefully she will be bored and decide it would be better just to go herself.