My daughter picked on another child and made her cry - I feel so disappointed in her

[PrincessPemba]

She was 'led' by another girl (a really manipulative little girl who seems to have some sort of hold over dd), but I don't really think that excuses it. Dd told me about it when she got home from school - more because she was upset that the teacher told her off than guilt at the incident. The girl they made cry is a slightly overweight, very timid, babyish little girl, really kind and nice and I feel so sorry for her. They are all in Year Two.

I have given dd a stern talking to and spoke to her form teacher this morning - we both said to dd how disappointed we were. I also apologised to the little girl in question AND her mum! But I still feel cross with dd. Should I do anything else, ie punishment or should I try and let it go?

[MascaraOHara]

kids do this stuff. I think the fact she told you and the fact that you enforced it was not acceptible is enough.. Just keep an eye out that it doesn't become a habit.

[McDreamy]

I would let it go now, tell her how disappointed that your lovely little girl was so horrible to another little girl. That would do it for my DD and leave it at that. Is your DD very sensitive? My DD is so if I told her I was disappointed in her she would be upset.

[McDreamy]

Oh and Mascara says - kids do this to each other so don't feel bad

[PrincessPemba]

dd IS sensitive - very - but she looked quite blank when I talked to her yesterday AND not quite as upset as i had hoped when I talked to her with her teacher . She did say that she would like the girl in question to come for tea though so...

[amynnixmum]

Its really hard but it happens all the time. I am really tough on bullying and try to make sure dd (8) is always kind to others but inevitably there are occasions where she is unkind and upsets somone else.

I think since it happened at school you are best off leaving the disciplining to them unless they ask you to back it up at home with something else. I think the fact you have told her off and let her know how disappointed you are will be enough.

You could however try to get her to think about how the other girl felt when they were unkind to her. I have done this with dd in the past and because she is actually a really nice kind girl she gets upset and usually cries when she thinks about how she has hurt someone elses feelings.

[PrincessPemba]

The mum of the 'manipulative' little girl just rang me to invite dd to tea! I told her about the incident - which she knew nothing of - was I wrong to do so??

[amynnixmum]

No I would want to know if I was the mother. You did the right thing IMO.

[missingmywine]

PrincessPemba - its sounds to me that you have dealt with this very well. It is my worst nightmare that someday I may have to deal with this from either side. My dd's school have a 'friendship' bench where children go if they have no one to play with etc. and it works well and the children do go and ask the person to play with them. Well done.