Anxiety over 4 year old

[user1474891002]

Hi there,

This is my 1st post and Im hoping someone can offer any words of advice/comfort.

We moved to a new area 1 year ago. The nursery we applied for locally (attached to his now school) had no spaces. We found a nursery and from there things went downhill. We had no trouble previously (he did a couple of days at a private pre school where we used to live but there were few children). On joining this nursery his behaviour changed drastically. He would bite and scratch in nursery and would come home and do the same to his little brother who was 1 at the time. It was so bad he could not be left alone in a room with his brother. I kept talking to the nursery and was even in tears on their doorstep only to be told it was because he was unsettled. I was told constantly nothing triggered his behaviour off yet he had numerous unexplained marks on him and I also saw the teacher shouting in his face at playtime.. After 3 months I finally plucked up the courage to call the health visitor to ask for advice on my sons behaviour (he was also banging his head on the wall at home). She came out the next day and observed my son and said she did not feel the need to see him again as she believed he was a well rounded little boy. She recommended a new nursery and said the current nursery had not handled things well. I did this and thankfully for the next 7 months things improved drastically. He had the support he needed from his nursery and the biting/scratching/head banging stopped at nursery and home. They also referred him to a speech and language therapist as said he became frustrated when not understood and repeated their questions (the repeating has now stopped).

He has recently started Reception school and things are difficult again. He was great for the 1st 2 weeks, but then came home with numerous scratches. I spoke with the teacher who said she didn't witness anything but did say he was pushed over which he was very cross about. Since then he has bitten a child and scratched a couple of times. Most of the children went the same nursery so already know each other, I have observed mine trying to fit in only to be told to go away and stop following them . I mentioned this to the teacher and she did say that most already have a best friend as they went the same pre school but assured me he does play well. Everytime I have observed him he is alone chatting to himself. When I ask about school he gets very uncomfortable. We are waiting for his hearing test and have also been advised there is a speech and language therapist who will help him at school but that hasnt happened yet.

Could this behaviour be linked to his language delay or could there be a deeper issue? I have had such anxiety and would appreciate any help/advice. (I should mention we have started a reward chart and since then no incidents but feel its only a matter of time if he keeps being isolated).

[Ellieboolou27]

Ok, so you've moved area, house, started new nursery, then another new nursery, this is a huge amount of change, I say this with experience as we did the same thing a year ago as well as having a new baby and my 4 year old dd (then 3, now 4) was and still can be like you have described. I too called a health visitor and has a nursery nurse sent round to observe, waste of time as she said all "seems well"
I was at breaking point.
What helped me was...
Keeping my cool and not shouting, making demands, moaning about her behaviour (it VERY hard), but I realised I was constantly on edge about her behaviour and didn't think before I reacted, so I would shout and get frustrated and angry at her.
I tried and still do to have one to one time daily, playing anything she wants even when it bores the shit out of me and I've a million other things to do
Lots more physical interaction such as cuddles, sitting on my lap, babying.
I read a book called playful parenting, and it helps, I've read others but this is one of the best
Praise the good more (we sometimes don't realise our negative feedback
I can't say she's perfect now, however her behaviour has improved.