Play fighting!

[Tippytoes13]

Hi,
I have two boys age 10 and 5 and recently they've been engaging in play fighting a lot. The younger one learnt this at the park after school, whilst playing with the older children, they've never really done it before. I've noticed recently that both have been going too far, it gets to the point where my younger son starts getting angry. I spoke to his teacher this morning to ask if he'd been doing it at school, she said yes and he'd lost break time, for some reason she hadn't mentioned it to me, until I asked. He has no issues in the classroom, just too much rough play at play times. I tend to step in when I think things have gone to far between them at home and tell them if they continue, they will have to go in separate rooms, sometimes they continue, other times they don't.

Am I dealing with this too lightly?

[VioletBam]

Since one son is significantly older than the other, I can only imagine that your younger son has learned to playfight against an opponent who is able to take a lot harder hits than his own classmates can and so he may be using too much force.

I would stop it altogether if I were you. I've never liked this kind of play as it blurs lines and confuses some kids. It often ends in tears and injury too.

[Blue4ever]

I know it's much easily said than done, but I have two boys aged 9 and 10 and I have always banned play fighting. I don't allow it and they try once in a while but we stop them. I didn't want the, to think that it was acceptable behaviour at home or at school.

I spoke to other parents face to face and here on Mumsnet about this and many people answer 'boys will be boys' , 'it's normal for boys to play fight' but that argument doesn't sit well with us as parents.

I am not saying that it's easy but if you give your child care blanche to platyfish the each other at home, how is the school supposed to say that it's not acceptable?

[Tippytoes13]

I don't want to ban it altogether, as I think it's something brothers/boys will always do, it just comes down to self-control (I think), my cousins who were brothers, used to wrestle and play fight all the time and have never had any issues as a result. I do see what you mean though, as it's having one rule for home, but another at school.

[VioletBam]

Well honestly OP it's not "something brothers/boys will always do" at all! I know many boys who don't do it and have no interest in it and it's not fun at all...to deliberately knock each other over etc. It's rough play and it's banned at my children's school too...for good reason. There's always one child who goes over the top and hurts the others.

[corythatwas]

it is perfectly permissible to ban something that many boys do if, for some reason, you see it is causing trouble in your home

there are plenty of other ways in which they can exercise their bodies and enjoy some mild risk-taking without it descending into aggression: sports of all kinds, outdoor adventuring

and no, not all boys do it or enjoy it or like seeing others doing it

ds specifically asked me to stop inviting the sons of a friend of mine because he got sick of watching them play-fighting and then squabbling and falling into his things and breaking them; apart from everything else, he found it a total embarrassment in front of his other friends- so no, not universally accepted