1 year old mean to older sister

(8 Posts)
Pickyknicks Wed 14-Sep-16 11:53:58

My 21 month old DC is bright, generally settled etc, but she is really unkind to her sister (6 yrs). She's much better with her other sibling (9). Obviously, she's still very little, and there's a limit to what we can do / expect her to understand. But she doesn't like her sister to touch her, and as soon as she sees her she says 'go away, x' or 'no x no'. Her sister is a lovely, loving little girl being deeply hurt by this. Sometimes, it's clearly a sort of joke - she giggles when she says it. But sometimes she clearly really means it, and it is very hurtful. We tell her not to say it, we cuddle her sister when she does it and say how lovely she is, etc. But it isn't getting better! (She's OK with other kids at playgroup, etc.) ANyone got any experience of this / advice? I though it was bigger siblings who were usually jealous of or unkind to younger ones! That would be much easier to deal with...

Pickyknicks Wed 14-Sep-16 14:07:38

...anyone?!

Savannah13nbump Wed 14-Sep-16 16:05:31

Can't really advise however how long has it been going on could it be a phase? My daughter went through a similar phase with her grandad started probably around 25 months and is only just getting over it now at nearly three,

Fairybella Wed 14-Sep-16 16:08:19

My little one has started this and I only really understood why when I caught my eldest being overly affectionate to the point of hurting her. I think she cuddles her when the little one doesn't want it but doesn't let go etc so little one who isn't verbal enough lashes outconfused

Pickyknicks Thu 15-Sep-16 09:35:50

Yes, Fairybella, I think that is exactly how it started - not that her sister is at all rough, but she's really affectionate, and maybe DD3 is just person who likes her own space / to be in control of who is hugging her! But I'm not sure what to do when the baby is actually being mean - she's clearly too little to discipline in any real sense, so we've been going with 'no, don't say that, it isn't kind' and hugging her sister, but this is having no effect. I hope, Savannah, it really is a phase, but man it's hard on DD2 who is a real softy!

Fairybella Thu 15-Sep-16 12:40:39

I have been showing my lo how to do gentle touches but if she hurts her sister I explain that it hurts and I say no in a firm voice

BarbarianMum Thu 15-Sep-16 14:16:11

I think it is OK for her to say that she doesn't want to be touched, actually, even if it is to be hugged. Just explain to your dd2 that she doesn't like it so she shouldn't do it.

As for the rest of it (saying go away) I'd recommed ignore, ignore, ignore and tell dd2 to do the same. Ds2 used to pull his brothers hair (no one elses) hard at 18 months and it was most definately for the attention it got him. What worked was physically separating them and totally ignoring ds2 (for 1 minute).

WankingMonkey Thu 15-Sep-16 15:13:26

Bookmarking for further advice. I am having a horrible time with our 2 year old and 3 year old being aggressive towards each other and nothing seems to help. I mean, this is totally random...2 YO will pick up a toy and hit his sister on the head with it for seemingly no reason...she pushes him over for no reason..an d so on.

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