Help and advice needed DD has concentration issues

(4 Posts)
leopardpuzzled Tue 13-Sep-16 17:38:22

My DD is having some development issues, since she started school last year that its been more apparent. She's 5, she is restless or inattentive a lot of the time, She often has issues falling to sleep she says her brain cannot switch off. She struggles to listen to instructions and then to carrying out them instructions. She cant keep still and you start off talking to her thinking she's listening then its very apparent when her eye contact drops off and she goes into space (as I call it or into her own world eg we think she is thinking about something else at this point). Its very hard to bring her back and often when I ask her what I've said she's no idea. It affects her day to day life.

She's really bright which is hard to believe sometimes she's an excellent reader in class and once she is concentrating she absorbs information like a sponge she can tell you about things in the past she often talks about and remembers peoples names after meeting them once so its not a memory thing.

It all comes down to concentration She's been referred and it went to a council made up of 12 doctors, paediatricians, psychologists they decided it was in her best interests for it to be investigated further. They have mentioned ADHD a few times throughout the process but its a long process.

Sometimes when she isn't listening to me or doesn't listen to other adults in certain situations people think that she is a really naughty and not listening on purpose but she genuinely is not being naughty, after spending some time with her it's apparent that it's brain function or something like that she has no idea what's been going on in that time she's switched off. I can honestly tell when it's being naughty because she will quite obviously say no or huff/sigh rather than not listening if it's something she does not want to do.

It's putting a strain on my relationship as my partner has Dcs of his own but often forgets my DD has these issue and sometimes he feels like she's doing it on purpose. We have been together since she was little but he said so himself he needs help understanding it because it's hard to live with without understanding exactly what it is and how we can help or make changes to make it easier for her and us. I have perhaps been to harsh on him but I have told him if he cannot see/ get through this with me then I will have no choice but to do it alone as DD has to come first and he understands this and has told me he wants to work on seeking advice and help.

We are currently receiving no help and I really need assistance but it seems that until DD is over 6 we will not get any assistance sad It feels a long way off. I've cried myself to sleep for weeks because she has got so much worse since school has started again and we have to be places within a certain time and shes had issues at school regarding instructions they know but have been no help to us.

I am sorry its so long I wanted to explain as best I could and not to drip feed.

coffeecakemum Fri 16-Sep-16 11:10:14

Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. Its a very hard thing to know your little one is having issues isn't it. My little boy had some issues with concentration and the school have identified. I went to a private SALT and she gave us some strategies like sitting in the front of class and also some activities at home to follow. The strategies are v simple but effective. She only saw him once every 2 months. This has helped massively. He was 3 when we started and a year later they almost find no major issues and he has learnt to concentrate better and has cleared assessments for a private school. We plan to continue the strategies but once in 3-4 months reviews now. Please explore if you can see a private SALT or ask school to refer her to NHS SALT?. She has a lot of positives already like you mentioned and an amazing mom like you to support. Good luck!

arista Fri 16-Sep-16 13:53:51

Hi there, it is so unbelievable I could have written this post. Your daughter sounds exactly like my child who is 9 now. He was like your one at school and still struggles with instructions, into his own world but the kindness and caring kid you could meet. He was diagnosed recently with mild ADHD, is not on any medication as he copes well at school has never been behind is actually above average, has never needed extra help at school, only issues is can't sit still and main problems listening and following instructions despite this somehow excel at school. Just like yours he is an excellent reader since 5 and now read massive books. So I can tell you if she loves learning she will be fine. I only got him seen as he is growing and his friends are behaving differently and I didn't want him to be consider as naughty for not listening or forget what he was supposed to do. The school has now put things in place like reminding him more than once and not punishing him for not listening or following instructions as this before was making him unhappy. I didn't want him to be seen as a naughty child because he is not. He is sweet and has never ever hurt any child is so giving is unbelievable. My husband and I did find it hard at times with the lack of listening or sometimes I felt he was not understanding him so I can understand how it must be for your partner and you but it is out of their control and for me the diagnosis has help the school to understand him and us as parents to be more tolerant and patient. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to explain my situation and I hope it helps.

leopardpuzzled Mon 19-Sep-16 12:44:54

I got a little disheartened after the first couple of days of checking my post but my partner asked today if I could check again if anyone else has posted.

I am so grateful you have both posted because I needed to know that I'm not alone in this and hearing positive stories helps x

Coffeecake - I will definitely ask about the options for SALT and look into it privately if needed, I have a health team that got involved with the school so I can ask them about that but although we have them we are still struggling with support because of all the paperwork involved sad
A few changes since I posted and they have done what you mentioned and DD is one of the ones right at the front and they are trying to relay the information more than once. Thank you for the advice and support x

arista- Your son does sound exactly like my DD she is also the kindness and caring kid, they sound so much alike I am so glad to hear he is excelling in his school work it gives me much hope smile DD does love school, friendship and she loves learning she's like a sponge when she can eventually manage to sit still focus listen and follow instructions.

I didn't want him to be considered as naughty for not listening or forget what he was supposed to do. - This is exactly my thoughts why I want to get her the best assistance possible in and out of school, I fear if she is punished often she is going to lose interest in learning and going to school (I am so glad to hear that they do not punish your son for not listening or following instructions and remind him more than once (DD school started to do this remind her more than once but fear she still may be in trouble from not listening and doing as shes told). Some of her friends already come up and say "She's not listening to me!!" Its very hard to explain to other children of that age and other parents.

My husband and I did find it hard at times with the lack of listening or sometimes I felt he was not understanding him so I can understand how it must be for your partner and you but it is out of their control and for me the diagnosis has help the school to understand him and us as parents to be more tolerant and patient

I do keep saying that to myself and to my partner that DD cannot control this and it is most definitely not aimed at any one of us. I think sometimes he picks the short straw where DD is having a harder time of things that moment of that day I do understand it can seem like its aimed at him because she's defying him. It probably makes it worse because he's probably thinking in his head this stereotype that its typical step child behaviour towards their step parent not to do as they are told.

I am hoping that a diagnosis the same will happen for us and make us more tolerant, patient and have a better understanding of what is it that causes it and how we can help more there are something's my partner is far more tolerable with her than I am and vice versa.

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain your situation, I know with the right support it will get easier but for the moment its going to take time x

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