2yr old weird pushing behaviour. Help!!

(13 Posts)
CheekyGirl Fri 02-Feb-07 14:16:56

I am a serial lurker, so I hope it's ok if I ask for some advice.

Ds is 2.1 and has always been a very 'physical' child. His speech isn't great - wide vocab but not putting words together yet.

He is now pushing other children - hard. Reasons for this seem to be:
1.In excitement eg. running up to greet a friend and pushes them instead of saying hello.
2. To get people out of his way, instead of saying 'excuse me' (which he can't say).
3. If I tell him off. He then goes off and pushes the first person he comes across.
4. Very occasionally, he will push if another child upsets him eg. takes his toy

At the moment, I feel I am shadowing him really closely in social situations so that I can tell him off if he pushes. I usually say "No! You mustn't push, it hurts" whilst holding his hands so he looks at me. He then says ok and runs off happily and does it again. I tried telling him we'd go home if he did it again, and I followed through but he didn't seem to understand and was quite happy to leave!

Please help!! I am starting to get really embarrassed and worried other mums think I have a thug!! My dd was never like this!!

Dophus Fri 02-Feb-07 14:20:30

DS1 is 2.0 - he does this too, but watching the children at nursery, they all do it. Maybe it is just how 2 yo communicate! He doesn't push to greet or on a random basis but does it if he wants somethign or doesn't want someone else to do it.

Sorry - not much help but can empathise!

fennel Fri 02-Feb-07 14:22:28

My previously angelic 2yo dd3 pushed over about 4 smaller toddlers at toddler group this week.

It's very common. unfortunately. she does it just to see them topple.

This sounds pretty normal behaviour to me, though not all children go through it. We have taught DD, also 2.1, to say beep, beep when someone is in the way. You could try to teach him acceptable physical ways of expressing himself when angry that you've told him off, eg punching a cushion (progressing of course to verbal ways once his speech is up to it!)
Some of them take ages to learn that it's not acceptable up but at this age I think it is okay at social situations as long as you remind him each time it is not right.

beansprout Fri 02-Feb-07 14:26:17

I sympathise. It's difficult though, because while it is never great, some of it is more understandable than others. Be clear on what is and is not acceptable.
At the moment though, even for say, number 3 in your list, he is getting mummy's attention and no consequences to his actions. Perhaps simply lift him up, take him and plonk him down somewhere else, with a "no pushing" so he knows why it is happening. Then get him to stay there for a bit. It has to be something he doesn't like so he gets the message it is boring when he pushes and he doesn't get the toy etc out of it. Difficult though, as he is still very young. Ds is 2.3, so I know how hard it is!

fennel Fri 02-Feb-07 14:59:57

I had to leave the room rather hurridly after my last post as 2yo dd3 was menacing her baby cousin again.

my ds, 2 1/2 - has done several of these things. like your ds, mine doesnt have great speech yet (its getting there, slowly!) i find with my ds when i told him no for doing it, he seemed to do it more. i started just separating him from whoever he pushed.

your ds cant say excuse or pardon me, so pushing people is an effective way to get them to move (in his mind!) my ds will sometimes push me or shove into me if i tell him off for something else. and with other children taking his toys, your ds cant tell them not too or likewise, so shoving them is his way of dealing with it.

most other moms of toddlers have been thru these behaviours or ones like them. its hard as hell (i know!!) but TRY not to be too worried about what other moms think of you and your son. your son will pick up on your anxiety and perhaps, act out. (my son has done this because of how i acted towards him!)

hang in there you're definitely not alone and not the mom of a thug (in the making!)

CheekyGirl Fri 02-Feb-07 20:13:21

Thanks all!!! I feel better already!!

To be honest, most mums have been ok so far, as I always deal with it, iykwim

Hardest bit is visiting my best friend who's ds is 3mths older. He has his own toddler issues (massive tantrums), and although she makes all the right noises, I can tell she is really disapproving of ds's behaviour as she always makes a massive fuss of her ds if mine pushes him. Makes me feel really bad, and I keep trying to explain why he's doing it etc.

Any ideas how to make "No pushing!" really hit home without going over the top? Atm, he doesn't seem to register that I'm not happy with him.

Sassafrass Sat 03-Feb-07 17:02:15

Could you prevent him and show him what to do instead perhaps? Say for example he sees a friend and runs up, you go with him and before he has a chance to push you show him how to greet his friend, both with words and actions and then praise him lots for doing it. You'd probably have to do this lots of times before it sinks in and he does it on his own but maybe worth a try.

fennel Sun 04-Feb-07 10:13:21

I would/do put dd3 on the naughty step for 2 minutes every time she pushes a littler child over, saying "No pushing" very clearly. I think if you keep systematically removing them from the room whenever they do it, they are going to get the message that it's not worth the effort.

CheekyGirl Sun 04-Feb-07 14:05:03

I will certainly see if i can intervene earlier and show him what to do. Good idea. Actually, I kind of do this already but I need to be a bit more positive. It's just so hard - I need eyes in the back of my head really....

dawnyle Thu 27-Jun-13 23:01:43

Pushing help! My son 2 pushes a lot now and I Childmind which is really a problem. There are a lot of tears and its very embarrassing as not sure if I should give up Childminding. He even pushes his best friend, she cried and asked to go home last time. I felt awful. Any suggestions or support greatly recieved.
I am firmly telling him no pushing, eye level and touching his arms.

Karoleann Fri 28-Jun-13 12:44:16

My 2 year old dd also does it, I think it's a cross between affection and mischievousness. They'll just grow out of it - I wouldn't worry unless he's shoving babies.

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