Building resilience and self-reliance in DD (8)

(1 Post)
screamingeels Sat 30-Jul-16 09:56:58

In some ways DD is resillient - she is physically fearless, she is a climber/runner/jumper, withstands the odd knock. She likes being the centre of attention so she is happy performing. As her reading/writing is poor (dyslexia) she quite often tells stories or does free form rap at school when others read out the poems they've written etc.

But she's a worrier and catastrophises everything which is really draining - if I make the most minor negative comment e.g. "hurry up, we are running a bit late" she will start to panic and say 'we are going to miss it/ can't go/ be in trouble etc. etc.'

Rather than dealing with her problems she wants other people to make her feel better. I have talked to her about this and growth mindset in general but she says 'this is the way I like to do things, I make myself more upset so other people make me come and feel better'. I've seen her do it with a group of slightly older girls when one of them didn't want to play the game she did; I took her to a gym class and she pretended not to be able to do handstands and cartwheels so she could get more help/praise; her teacher has mentioned it on her report: coming to adults rather than trying when she has been shown what to do.

I have had some success at home by explaining to her that she can have a hug whenever by straightforwardly asking for it but she won't get attention by manipulation. Unfortunately outside the house she thinks the 'I'll be upset and someone will save me' strategy works for her - and to be fair it usually does but I don't think it's healthy long term.

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