How to handle mardy pre-schooler??

[worrierandwine]

My almost 4 year old daughter has always been a mummy's girl and I'm sure a lot of this is possibly my fault but I haven't changed anything specifically other than having a new baby 11 weeks ago. DD1 has become increasingly mardy the past few weeks but it seems to be (from what other people report) only around me. I know children are incredibly manipulative and I wonder if she's figured out just how to behave to get my attention. I'm trying to be the best mum I can to both of them and still give DD1 some one-on-one time each day but at the moment she's often complaining of being tired, saying "I want you mama" or crying if I (calmly) discipline her.
I'm dreading the holidays as she will have no break from me (and me from her!)
She's at her worst if she's tired or hungry (again, very typical for this age I know) but with an 11 week old and 3 year old I'm bloody tired too!
Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice? Her dad says I'm too soft with her and she's playing me for a fool but I want to be as responsive as I can with her so she knows nothing has changed (with my attention towards her) despite the baby arriving.
Just to add she's very good with the baby and seems very proud of her little sister and often cuddles, fusses her and likes to show her off to anyone and everyone.

[VioletBam]

Aw she's not mardy or manipulative. She's 3! I've been there and looking back, my older DD seemed so old and capable when my younger DD was born but really she was practically a baby herself.

It's a massive change for her (and for you!) and it's exhausting but it's also totally normal.

It will improve once the baby's a bit more able...and when DD is in school of course.

[worrierandwine]

Thanks violet, I know she's still young and needs her mum but I'm finding the whiny voice draining and out of character for her so I'm just going to tell her I can't understand when she speaks in that voice and a few more time outs where necessary.

[pearlylum]

Positive strokes are called for, not time outs.
Her world has been turned upside down , she has been replaced ( in her eyes).

[worrierandwine]

I totally agree

[worrierandwine]

Posted too soon I was going to say when a new child comes along I totally agree that the first child should be included with the baby as much as possible and you should choose your words and behaviour very carefully to avoid them feeling "replaced". She seems very proud of her little sister and can't wait to see her when I pick her up from preschool etc. Whenever she comes to me for a cuddle I oblige (even if she's just thrown a tantrum) and I often go to her for cuddles and kisses just like I always have. I won't however reward bad behaviour and think it's a fine and delicate line between making sure they don't feel pushed out and letting them get away with blue murder just because a sibling has come along.

[pearlylum]

I found a sling invaluable when I had my second baby. Both my babies liked to be cuddled a lot and a sling was a great device which allowed me to be hands free for my toddler.
I could take my 2 year old out for a walk or sit and do a jigsaw while breastfeeding and still make my older child feel that he was getting most of my attention.

[worrierandwine]

Thanks pearly
I've got a moby wrap that has been invaluable with both babies.