DS (5) says he has a broken heart [sad]

[cori]

because 'he misses his grandmother that died' he never met either of his grandmothers, they both died a long time ago. For a while he had an 'imaginery grandma' who lived on the moon and he would visit her in his rocket. He would make up elaborate stories about her. I played a long with it and asked him questions about her etc. He knows now that this was pretend. But recently he has started saying he misses his real grandma, that he has a broken heart, and once said 'I am a sad little boy' I really dont know what to do about this, or how to handle it. I doubt wether anyone out there has had a similar experience but I would appreciate some advice on this one.

[FromGirders]

No experience with this, so maybe can't help at all, but recently ds brought home a library book called "no matter what" by Debby Gliori. It had a really nice bit in it (ds has been worrying about what will happen when I die).

"Small said.
'But what about when we're dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?!

Large held small snug as they looked out at the night,
at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.
!Small, look at the stars, how they shine and glow,
but some of theose stars died a long time ago!

Still they shine in the evening skies,
Love like starlight never dies' "

Maybe it would help to know that she loves him even if they've never met?

[Blu]

aaah, that's really lovely, Girders.

But also...your 5 year-old sounds a lot like mine, Coi. He is becoming much more aware of his more complex felings, and i think a bit emotional as his testosterone surge kicks in...i think. He has big fits of melancholy where he says things liek 'I am happy on the outside Mummy, but inside my heart is hurting'...usually about some slightly connected but distant event...rather like the unmet grandmother. I think it is a developmental stage that the sensitive and imaginitive are very susceptible to, when they become much more aware of an emotional landscape beyond themselves, and the potential extent of greater emotiuonal complexity.

That's my theory, anyway. It has also co-incided with DS being much more involved with other people's emotions - he worries about making his freinds sad, etc.

All alongside being a perfectly happy, social, ordinary little boy.

[Fireflyfairy2]

OMG My dd is 5 & was in tears last week as she said she missed Granda Bill. She had told her teachers she missed Granda Bill as he was in heaven Granda Bill died in 2000 & dd wasn't born until 2001.... therefore they never met.

She just knows him from his framed photo on granny's mantle. When I told Granny that dd missed Granda Bill she smiled & said "So do I, I miss him too, but he still watches us"

DD then asked "Even when I'm doing a poo?"

[AeFondKiss]

it is sad

I think the book quote is good,

my dd(5) talks about death regularly, like dh's daddy, who is dead and one of my grans, and I tried to say something along those lines, but not very well!

[cori]

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I will try and get that book Girders. DS does seem generally happy otherwise , but of course I worry about him because I know he is aware that he doesnt have grandparents, and in that sense he is different from other children. Unfortunatly DH and both experienced loss of a parent early on in our lives and think sooner or later DS is going realise this and start to fear for us.

[sunnysideup]

cori, he sounds a LOVELY boy, and I loved blu's post, I think she's exactly right. My ds is four and also does this sort of thing at times; they can surprise you with the most profound things sometimes, can't they.

I really wouldn't make anything of it to be honest; just offer comfort if he's said that he's sad and don't agonise about it, it doesn't mean that he is not a very happy and contented child. As blu said so eloquently it's him being able to start to identify these profound feelings and it's great that he is sensitive enough to do so and that he feels he can say these things - he does that because he knows you will listen and care

The other side of the coin I've found with ds is that he is also able to talk about being really happy and that's lovely, the other day as we sat munching lunch in companionable silence he suddenly said "do you know, mum, I think I must be the happiest boy in the world!"