I threw a saucepan at my 7 year old.

(26 Posts)
bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 10:22:08

Been up since 5 with dc3. Feel very stressed. Have no time without the children other than work. No one helps me. I want to die. Feel so sad. My kids are so denanding. I just lost it and took out on her. I feel so bad.

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 10:22:36

It didn't hit her. I kinda aimed it at the floor.

Artistic Fri 15-Jul-16 10:27:15

So sorry you are having a tough time. 3 DC & work is a tough combination. But throwing something at DC is not on - you already know that. I hope you've apologised & made sure he/she isn't scared of you. If you need a break you've got to work out a way to give yourself one. It could be a day off work, some help from a friend or just an evening out with friends & a babysitter at home. You sound terribly stressed. You need help. Take care of yourself for your sake & your DC sake. flowers

Sirona Fri 15-Jul-16 10:28:33

Oh dear, I have a bit of a temper and am a single parent so know how overwhelming it can be but you know that's not right? Please seek some help from your gp, you sound depressed saying you want to die. Today.

tribpot Fri 15-Jul-16 10:29:09

I'd imagine you're pretty shocked. Are you a lone parent? Is there anyone who could give you some respite?

Has your 7 year-old started summer holidays now? It sounds like you need to find some way of getting through this hellish period, are there any play schemes running in the holidays?

Can you get the bigger ones in front of the TV whilst the smaller ones are asleep and just take 30 mins to do nothing but take a breath?

missybct Fri 15-Jul-16 10:30:55

Please get some help today. You know what you did was not appropriate, but I'm very concerned about you mentioning you want to die - you need to speak to someone this morning to get yourself some help - whether it be a clinician, a friend, a family member - anything to immediately ease off some of that pressure so you can make a more rational and informed decision.

flowers

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 10:53:47

It was a terrible thing to do. Of course I apologised. I told her I loved her and that I lost my temper and that I'm sorry.
I wish I had never posted this.

LadyintheRadiator Fri 15-Jul-16 10:57:36

So - you nearly snapped. You aimed at the floor, not at her, because you don't really want to hurt her, you're frustrated and lashing out, but not out of control. Be kind to yourself. Have you got any support?

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 10:59:41

My husband is at work. He leaves early in the morning. I don't tell anyone how hard it is and how stressed I feel.

Sirona Fri 15-Jul-16 11:00:00

Don't say that bing, we are worried that's all. None of us are perfect parents and have had our moments. Do you have any friends and family near by? What age are your dc?

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 11:00:50

I lose it a bit lots of days but never like this before. I can't remember the last time I was in my own other than work.

Sirona Fri 15-Jul-16 11:00:56

Worried about you that is, not about your dc

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 11:02:35

They are 7, 5 and 2. hoe do I come back from this. I can't help thinking they would be better off without me.

puzzledbyadream Fri 15-Jul-16 11:05:05

My mum hit my knee with a garden hoe once because I'd wound her up. It was upsetting at the time but now I understand that she just lost her temper. Just apologise and give them lots of hugs, we're only human after all.

LadyintheRadiator Fri 15-Jul-16 11:09:56

They would never be better off without you, you're their mum, their world. Would you tell your GP how you feel?

Sirona Fri 15-Jul-16 11:10:02

They are extremely rough ages, I have two of similar ages and spend more of my day than I would like telling them off and shouting blush They would not be better off without you. Can you speak to your dh? Does he get home at a reasonable hour to give you a break?

Deinosuchus Fri 15-Jul-16 11:13:37

I don't blame you! I have sent you a message xx

LiveLifeWithPassion Fri 15-Jul-16 11:24:41

I have children with similar age differences and the youngest never slept either.
What made you lose it? I get really stressed when things don't go according to the plans I've made so I've tried to deal with that. Sometimes I still get worked up but none of us are perfect.
Whatever's triggering you, is it something that anyone can help you with here? I mean getting tips or advice.

Try to get your kids out once a day. A bit of daily fresh air and runaround does everyone some good.

You need time to yourself. Can you organise some daily time?

daisydalrymple Fri 15-Jul-16 12:04:56

Just for today give yourself a break. Can you pick a film that will appeal to all three and have a movie evening after school? Get some pizza from the supermarket and some popcorn or a big bag of Cadbury pouches that always seem to be in offer for £1. And pack of three juice. Then let them sit on sofa and even have pizza there watching a movie as a big treat for them, but most importantly to give yourself a break. Just sit for an hour and ignore any jobs. (Get some fruit for pud if it makes you feel better smile ).

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 12:27:52

Daisy. Thank you. That's kind and a good idea. School disco tonight so might not be able to do that but will def have a chill time after school.

bingisthebest Fri 15-Jul-16 12:28:15

I hope anyway. Doesn't usually go to plan with my 3.

PansOnFire Fri 15-Jul-16 23:14:44

Oh OP I hope you're ok. Please don't be hard on yourself, it was a one off mistake and we all get pushed to out limits now and then.

Maybe have a chat to your GP, I did when I felt I was always on the brink of losing my patience . It turns out I had extreme anxiety,
I take ADs now and all of those feelings have gone away, I still have a battle but I don't feel so overwhelmed and my life has been transformed.

daisydalrymple Sat 16-Jul-16 15:49:28

Hi bing, how are you today? School disco is never the best for encouraging quiet children, but I hope yesterday got better for you.

bingisthebest Sat 16-Jul-16 21:22:39

Hi all. Thank you for your messages. I'm feeling better today. I managed to get some time just me and DD today just to be together. To show her how much I love her.
It's still hard, little dd waking up early so we are all tired but have help with dh here and hopefully will get better.

daisydalrymple Sat 16-Jul-16 22:33:35

Oh I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Like a previous poster, I've also been diagnosed with anxiety / depression. The meds started giving me side effects so I've had to stop (limited choice as still BF dc3, so went for the one lest present in bm). So I hear you with everything you say. My DH has long commute (out 630am-715pm, with a few over nights a month) and its relentless isn't it. I'd just love him to get home an hour earlier, just to have time to clean and tidy up properly! (How sad is that?? It's not even so I can have a break ha ha!)

Do you have time in the evenings once they're in bed to have a bath? I know there's so much to do, but even if you ignore the housework once a week and have some you time. Little things I do is have a hand cream in the bathroom and put some on after washing hands- just a small thing, but makes me feel like I'm looking after me. And a nail file so I try and do one nail each time I go in there. Eventually I've managed the hand grin and I keep clear polish in there and put a fresh coat on every few days. I always check out which shower gels are on offer for £1 and treat myself to a lovely smelling one. I know they're silly little things but they make me feel like I'm getting some me time.

Since having to stop the meds, I'm also trying to be more aware of how I deal with situations. I still snap on occasion, but mainly to DH, and I really try to pause before I react and take a deep breath. My trigger moments are (classic busy times), getting ready for school, cooking at teatime and clearing up, and bedtimes. So I've tried to simplify things as much as I can, get things ready throughout the day / night before and get the dcs on board with a team effort. I really try and include them in choices and explain how stressful an accumulation of things can be for me - they don't empty bags, I don't get lunch boxes cleared out and prepped, school tops don't get in the wash, makes us late in the morning etc. So they see how things affect us all.

In taking a step back, I've realised that I'm not going to get any help or extra hours to myself, and I need to embrace this time and make the most of moments with them.

I don't expect anybody to look after my children for me, but when I see grandparents have such involvement in their GCs lives, I feel a pang for my children they don't have that. Both our mothers live close by, but in 9 years, neither one has had even half an hour alone with the children. So when I'm scrubbing a burnt pan out, singing wheels of the bus for the tenth time to try keep dc3 happy in high chair a while longer to finish jobs, listening to ds1 spouting random facts about the footy World Cup circa 1978, dd talking over him about shopkins, then I notice it's raining and the washing is still on the line.... That's when I remind myself how much I love them and wouldn't want to be without them World Cup trivia, Dam shopkins and all grin

Sorry for the epic post! You're not alone! X

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