What is wrong with my dd?

(9 Posts)
Littlefluffyclouds81 Thu 30-Jun-16 00:45:36

My dd2 is definitely not 'normal'. She is nearly 6, and when she was At nursery they flagged her up as having possible ASD, as she would sit there for hours putting things in perfect colour/size order. From When she was really young, less than 2, she'd be able to tell me where we were going in the car, as soon as I turned into a road, even if she'd only been there once, she contantly maps things in her mind. She was assessed at the start of school by the ed
Psych who decided there was nothing wrong with her as she'd settled into school so well.

She has major meltdowns over the smallest thing. She is very slowly getting a bit better but they're still a real issue. She is completely neurotic over things that normally wouldn't bother people - to the point of being hysterical and not being able to even hear any attempts to rationalise. Examples over the course of the last 3 years have included:

Water
Wind
Geckos (in Thailand)
Thunder/lightening
Helicopters

These intense fears come on suddenly for no apparent reason, will normally last a few months and then disappear. When she has a fear of something she will literally go apeshit if she sees it, or sometimes just at the thought of it.

She is extremely switched on and bright but crap socially. Her older (half) sister has been diagnosed with Aspergers recently, but even she had more friends than dd2 does at this age. She made one friend who has been the only person she has played with at school, but recently her friend seems to have dropped her, and now she has no one at all to play with. It's her birthday party coming up and we're really struggling to make a list of names to invite - she wants to invite 15 people but can only name about 5 (and some of them are my friends' children not at the same school). She desperately wants friends but just seems to have no idea how other people her age expect her to behave.

She is like the Duracell bunny, she can't sit still, literally can't, she's forever jumping up and down, doing handstands etc. she can't even sit on a chair to eat, she'll have one leg on the floor and be jiggling about.

I'm a LP and I find her really hard work, it's impossible to tire her out and her temper/tantrums are really exhausting. My instincts tell me that her behaviour isn't normal, but she is always well behaved at school so they don't have any truck with there being anything wrong. She will often start kicking off at me the second we are through the school gates.

Has anyone got any ideas of what I should do? It has got to the point a couple of times where I could happily have handed her over social services and told them to keep her, and I know that sounds awful as I really do love her to bits. She can be so sweet, funny and lovely when she wants to be but its like she has a split personality and can just switch from being nice to horrific in an instant, for no reason.

WTAFisgoingon Thu 30-Jun-16 00:51:52

I'm not an expert, but a lot of her behaviours do sound like ASD traits. Why not take her to the Paed to ask about diagnosis?

If you're using the NHS, find out what average times for diagnosis are in your area. I think nationally it's 4 years on average! You might have to be very pushy!

Littlefluffyclouds81 Thu 30-Jun-16 00:52:05

Oh, another thing lately is that she has gone from being very independent to being very clingy - she will no longer go upstairs/downstairs to get something unless I go, and she just wants to be wherever I am all the time.

And in the interests of full disclosure - I was under huge amounts of stress from a very abusive relationship when I was pregnant with her, and she was kidnapped for 4 days by her father (who she has not seen since) when she was 19 months old. I will never know what happened during those 4 days.

Littlefluffyclouds81 Thu 30-Jun-16 00:53:52

Would I just go to the doctor and ask for a referral? It was done through CAHMS with my eldest, with a lot of backing from the school.

WTAFisgoingon Thu 30-Jun-16 02:08:28

So sorry to hear that flowers how terrible for you both.

Honestly, I don't know the system that well! My DC has benn ASD diagnosed, but we have always seen a Paed regularly from birth due to unrelated physical conditions. The Paed told me that diagnosis in the NHS could take years (resources are stretched and its more complex as its multi disciplinary) so I decided to go private instead and it was all done in one appointment!

I really hope some other posters who might be able to offer some more advice on diagnosis will appear!

Just a few questions:

What are you hoping to get out of having the diagnosis? NHS funded help such as SALT / help at school / access to a particular school? In my experience it helps to devise a "game plan" of what you want to achieve.

Interesting about her being constantly active, have you already tried sensory toys?

What is the school's feedback? Do they have much to say about social skills or the over activity?

FWIW my DC has always been perfectly behaved at school but we used to have lots of problems with meltdowns at home (much improved now, thankfully!), so I can sympathise!

If you want to PM me to chat in more detail you're welcome.

whatsthatnow Thu 30-Jun-16 07:22:12

I think you just described my 5yo ds. I have struggled with him since he was very little. He is so unpredictable. He can't seem to help himself, he has to touch people all the time. He pokes, pushes, punches, cuddles and kisses. We have explained over and over again that he needs to ask before cuddling or kissing anyone. That he has to stop being so violent and hands-on. But he honestly believes that by poking and pushing and punching he is making the other child happy. His temper is horrific. He turns in the blink of an eye from a loving happy little boy into something out of the exorcist! At school he has settled in really well and they have no concerns (except for the excessive touching but he is very slowly improving after a year of being told) it is at home that we have most of the problems. I want him assessed but have no idea where to begin. Does it really take years?!

Littlefluffyclouds81 Thu 30-Jun-16 07:49:52

It took a year to get my eldest dd diagnosed, to answer whatsthatnow.

I'd like to find out what it is that is 'wrong' with her because then I'd know how best to deal with her. My eldest dd was 11 when she was diagnosed, and since then it's been a lot easier because I've been able to do my research and know how to respond to her - it's like I had the wrong instruction manual before, and now I've got the right one. I'm not sure whether it is ASD that dd2 has, because she is the opposite to dd1 in nearly every way (except for lack of friends).

The school haven't been concerned about her friends whenever I've mentioned it. She did have her one friend up until fairly recently, and her teachers say that she rubs along with the others in class fine. I don't think anyone is being horrible to her, but she doesn't have anyone to play with at break times now. I asked her if she went to other children and asked to join in and she said no, and looked a bit confused.

whatsthatnow Thu 30-Jun-16 10:37:11

I have asked school to assess this morning. I have other children and he is the only one who is just hard work. I feel like I do everything wrong with him. I don't want him to have a 'label' but like you I feel I need a little help or support in helping him

corythatwas Thu 30-Jun-16 17:12:34

I wouldn't worry too much about the label, whatsthat. It's not like it's going to be written on his forehead forever after. When he goes to college or uni it is entirely up to him whether he divulges it or not, likewise when he looks for work. But it may help you both to access a bit of help both now and later.

best of luck with the assessment

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