3 year olds behaviour is getting out of hand.

(20 Posts)
user1464795209 Wed 01-Jun-16 16:40:04

Hi all .
Hope you are all well.
I have a three year old boy and a 8 month old baby girl.
Anyway the reason I'm posting is my 3 year old is quite honestly unbearably hard work, every day he is miserable . Wakes up with a whingey pout on his face . Moans about having to have breakfast, refuses to get dressed . Chucks orders around and generally pushes every button there is to push. He is extremely stubborn and he often turns things into a game of his : like this :

I want juice

Okay I'll get you some

No I don't want juice I want water

Okay I'll get you water

No I want juice ..

Like seriously what the hell is that about ?? This is over a lot of things. I usually just ignore him them and get him what he asked for and just ignore the screams that follow .
Surely this isn't normal 3 year old behaviour ?? I'm at my wits end and he's rarely happy anymore . Everything is a huge battle and I just don't know what to do anymore . He would rather be stubborn and cause huge issues about absolutely everything than just have fun .

I feel like I've tried it all
Ignoring
Telling off
Naughty step
Praising good ignoring the bad

Really after some advice thank you . Xxx

5minutestobed Wed 01-Jun-16 17:40:54

Sounds like a normal 3 year old to me, I've got one as well!
Have you tried giving him a choice between two things? Makes me DS feel like he has a say in things which seems to reduce tantrums.
Is he getting enough sleep? DS is a million times worse when he's tired.

Jasonandyawegunorts Wed 01-Jun-16 17:44:00

Op no advice but have you ever read the "Cutted up pear" thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1301196-If-my-3yo-had-access-to-AIBU

it might make you feel like you are not alone.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Wed 01-Jun-16 17:46:28

Sounds completely normal, he's exercising control . Try giving him a choice of two things and leave it at that,don't engage any further . If he wants something else tell calmly he can get it himself.

BrightandEarly Wed 01-Jun-16 21:45:32

Normal I think.

I do ignoring as my tactic, but that does mean my three year old and I spend entire days going round in circles

She: I want juice
Me: What did you say?
She: Please can I have juice

She: Pick up my pen
Me: Excuse me?
She: Please can you pick up my pen

She clearly KNOWS, so why we have to do this from morning to nighttime is beyond me confused

ColdTeaAgain Wed 01-Jun-16 21:53:36

Yep sounds normal 3 year old. Feel your pain, I have one too and it is pretty wearing at times.

Coping tactics as follows...

1) Bribery.
2) Threats. e.g "do that again and there will be no more CBeebies today" Note: you must follow threats through or they learn you are full of shit and double bluff you!
3) Constant reminding of manners i.e. Demanding, snatching etc not tolerated however knackered you are.
4) Consistancy.
5) Wine.

SleepyRoo Wed 01-Jun-16 22:03:16

Oh, you have a threenager too! If it's any consolation, mine seems to have improved a fortnight before her 4th birthday.

Rainbowshine Wed 01-Jun-16 22:11:07

Yes this sounds exactly like DS! We are currently trying the ignore/not react that much to the contrary behaviour and going completely OTT on praising good behaviour. Nursery have said it's normal too, it's their way of expressing independence, apparently.

flanjabelle Wed 01-Jun-16 22:16:10

With an 8month old sibling, do you think there is a chance he is playing up to keep your attention on him rather than the baby? If so, I would try and put in some one to one time with him. At the same time I would ignore as much of the bad behaviour as possible, but also (very important) massively praise any tiny little bit of good behaviour. It sounds like he is stuck in a negative behaviour loop and you need to bring out the positive sides of his personality with lots of praise.

Freeandsinglewater Thu 02-Jun-16 09:52:38

I feel your pain,
My 3 year old is constantly challenging, I'm exhausted.
Again I'm at the end of my rope.

Squiggles86 Thu 02-Jun-16 11:09:06

Also at end of my tether with my 3 year old. Her behaviour is awful - refuses to get dressed, brush teeth, arses around to avoid doing things, makes stupid annoying sounds just to irritate me and wees in her knickers on purpose. My child is an angel at nursery apparently! I also have a 9 month old so I'm feeling your pain. I've started reading about positive discipline but my daughter just doesn't respond to any of the techniques and still flatly refuses to do anything she's asked. X

user1464795209 Fri 03-Jun-16 23:10:33

Thanks for all of your replies . It's a horrible phase and helps to know we're not alone . I've booked a show for us to go and see tommorow without our 8 month old so hopefully some 1:1 will do us the world of good ...... For how long I wonder hmm

Rowanhart Sun 05-Jun-16 20:53:16

Thank god for this thread. I'm not alone.

My three year old DD is wonderful/clever/blah/blah. When she chooses to be.

And when she chooses not to be she is a whingey aggressive stoppy demanding madam who I sometimes wish I was deaf just so I can't hear her.

Me and her Dad are not allowed a conversation. Interrupts all the time. So confrontational. Argh.

Elllicam Sun 05-Jun-16 20:57:26

Yep sounds like my 3 year old too smile

StepfauxWife Sun 05-Jun-16 21:06:05

I've posted about my nightmare of a DD too, she does all of these things. It's fairly new, I've just had another baby which seems to have exacerbated things.

I've been listening to the Janet Lansbury podcasts which sound great in theory but not altogether helpful when she is knocking everything off the shelves in supermarkets!

Sleeperandthespindle Sun 05-Jun-16 21:16:46

Sounds very normal for a 3 year old! Mine has a 6 year old sibling who he can deliberately wind up all day long in the manner you describe. Coping strategies: lots of food, sleep, preschool sessions, childminder, outside play, '1,2,3 Magic' and trying not to worry about the little things. Then love every moment he is utterly adorable and hilarious.

Squiggles86 Sun 05-Jun-16 21:57:41

In the last few days I've been reading about positive discipline and after having a chat with my hv (who didn't have the answers to our toileting woes but was supportive and very 'normal') I have started to change the way we communicate by making my parenting more playful and fun. Instead of asking her to do something 20 times like 'put your shoes on' which she'd normally refuse or mess about until I got angry I'd ask her once then say 'i bet I can put my shoes on before you'. There's no arguments. I don't have to repeat myself and she and I want her to win!! With other things like getting in the bath I have said your baby brother is going to get the golden duck (normal rubber duck lol) because he's had his hair washed and she of course immediately wants what he has so complies.

In the last few days we've had so much less stress, arguments and tantrums. It's early days but it has definitely started to mend our relationship which has gotten so tense in the last 6 months.

Hope this helps someone x

user1464795209 Sun 05-Jun-16 23:36:04

Thanks everybody honestly they've all
Helped so much . Everyday I wake up and promise my self to realise I'm the adult and that I control the situation no matter what . I promise everyday to be the 'calm, collected' ones you see at play groups .. Then after a tantrum about breakfast / clothing / wanting anything his sister has/ whinging constNtly / pouting Like the world may end .. I end up being a shouty mum again! blush

I'm so glad we're not alone not that I would wish this on many!!!

We took him out to a show yesterday and I took my nephew too
Who is also three .. My ds seemed good during parts then a lot of the time he was winding his cousin up waiting for a reaction , smirking, telling him
He's the winner ( even though there was no game happening ) my nephew turnt to me
And said '.... Is so annoying isn't he ' .. It broke my heart :-( I don't want him
To be that annoying child that takes great measures to irritate others. It really upset me as I know he is being annoying and I cannot stop him no matter how I approach it . I've googled and worrying now that he has

Opposition defiant ? Disorder or something sad

Sleeperandthespindle Mon 06-Jun-16 07:01:08

No. I teach kids with ODD. Your 3 year old is behaving like a 3 year old. It's normal. Re-read the thread and think about the Playful Parenting ideas in particular (there's a great book).

theplaneisbetter Tue 07-Jun-16 21:03:40

Normal! Mine is 4 now and things are generally easier. But as someone said up thread, making things a game and being silly seems to help. I know that's a lot of effort when you have a baby (toddler in my case) too though. But it does work well.

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