AIBU to think you don't make nasty comments about a child when they are having a tantrum

(14 Posts)
pickles90 Wed 01-Jun-16 02:31:40

So i took my DS who is 3 in a couple of weeks shopping. he normally has a nap but today he didn't, so he was shattered as this was around 6pm. He decided he wanted a £20 toy I told him no and he could have a magazine if he wanted. He didn't want the magazine and started to have a tantrum. Now as most mums and dads know when your child is having a tantrum it is rather stressful anyway (I also had my newborn with me). Well a man walking passed with his kid and wife makes this comment "I would be embarrassed to have a child like that... I wouldn't leave the house if I were it's parents" now me being the person I am I didn't stay quite and I put this so called man in his place he replied saying it was his personal oppion AIBU to think keep ur personal opinion to ur self. My son snapped out of this tantrum rather quickly so it's not like he was screaming for hours it was probably 5 mins. I don't know why people think it's okay to look down on you when a child is having a tantrum... It is perfectly normal... I feel so angry when people like this man think you have a devil child just because they are being normal and throwing a tantrum... what are people's thoughts? Would you be rude and make such a comment or would you think I know how that parent is feel poor sod.

MadamDeathstare Wed 01-Jun-16 02:49:08

No I wouldn't make a nasty comment.

Most tantrums are thrown by children who have been alive for less than 1,500 days. In that time they have learned to control all their muscles, balance, walk, talk, and basic manners. It is a bit much to expect perfect behavior in the face of being tired, hungry, thirsty, frustrated or raging with anger. They work themselves up into a tantrum and they need to work themselves down to learn to control their emotions.

My mother assures me that I only ever threw one tantrum as a child. I have thrown plenty of adult tantrums though. I quite often think that maybe if I'd thrown a few more as a child I would have better control of my behavior as an adult.

beenaroundawhile Wed 01-Jun-16 03:33:00

This happened to me last week. An witch of a woman took one look at DD and said "urgh, how do you stand that girl"?

DH came up with the best reply ever (afterwards of course) .. "I'm sure your children say the same about you" grin

Naturally I just stood and apologised for DD in a very passive aggressive pissed off yes I'm sure your children were perfect kind of way

His response is etched firmly on my mind for next time.

AppleMagic Wed 01-Jun-16 03:34:29

No I definitely wouldn't make a nasty comment. I might make a sympathetic comment though.

I can't imagine being so rude. Even if she thought it, she should have kept her opinion to herself and not said anything within earshot. If I was her husband and child I'd be ashamed to leave the house with her. grin

DameSquashalot Wed 01-Jun-16 04:17:05

Beenaround I love that response grin

People can be so thoughtless OP. I'm usually too shocked to say anything and can't think of a great response until later.

pickles90 Wed 01-Jun-16 05:38:30

It was the husband that said it... when I heard him I replied by saying to be fair I would be embarrassed if I had to walk out the house with someone like you... A obnoxious twerp. He didn't really know what to say. I was so shocked that someone with a child had said that.. I never get suprised with people who haven't got children but even then I do think just keep your opinions to your self.

VashtaNerada Wed 01-Jun-16 06:13:37

People who make those comments must have something odd going on with them. Even before I had children I knew that tantrums are a normal part of development. I'd be fuming if it happened to me but in reality anyone who can't empathise with a small tired child (or their parents for that matter!) probably has quite a lot of other issues anyway.

c737 Thu 02-Jun-16 08:54:11

Have also had this and god it pissed me off so much. How anyone can judge, let alone make comments so the parents can hear, is beyond me. I agree with Vashta that they very probably have their own issues and are trying to enjoy a little moment of superiority to bolster their own diminished self esteem.

Heatherplant Thu 02-Jun-16 09:05:25

Well done on dealing with a tantrum, a newborn and a totally deluded man! I'm pretty strict and my toddler tantrums and whenever I see another parent in the same situation I really feel for them.

Toomanymarsbars Thu 02-Jun-16 09:07:46

Only fucking morons that have never had kids/forgotten what it was like having kids make judgemental comments like this.

Toomanymarsbars Thu 02-Jun-16 09:10:19

I have a particularly challenging almost three year old (actually, he's so much better now but when he was much younger I also had a baby to deal with), everything was cause for a tantrum from him but it was only the stupid old men that would make comments about him (and once a naive cow with a placid young baby), otherwise it was the grandmothers that would come up to me asking me if I needed help/if I was ok and that "don't worry dear, I remember what it was like having to deal with a toddler" (their kindness almost made me cry everytime)

soupmaker Thu 02-Jun-16 10:05:49

Our DD2 had an almighty temper tantrum in her buggy in the middle of Edinburgh. She was screeching and yelling and twisting herself out. It was momentous. We just stood and laughed as she would not be calmed down not even with cuddles, loads of lovely strangers laughed and sympathised with us. But there is always one - a right stuck up madam who commented on how we should be doing something about her. Even DD1 looked at her askance. I always commiserate with parents whose toddlers are in full flight.

fanjoforthemammaries Thu 02-Jun-16 10:14:41

He was a dick.

Met a similar woman a while ago.

She was sitting beside me in a shopping centre and a 2 year old was having a tantrum. She was saying how disgusting it was and she would be ashamed and kids just aren't told no these days.

I said err no she is 2 that's what they do and then they grow up.

She didn't pick her audience well there grin

1Potato2 Sun 05-Jun-16 07:09:59

You have my sympathies. I suffered with anxieties after dd was born. It still took me a lot of courage to take her out to cafes etc when she was two.

She had a meltdown about a cake and I was trying to calm her. A woman in a group next to us said loadly, "Oh dear, we can't escape the noise pollution today." It really peed me off as there was a reception aged child with them - not that long ago he could well have done the same.

I was too busy focusing on Dd, but I came up with some great comebacks...it retrospect. Still, I was proud of myself for getting out and dealing with her well. Yes, small children can be noisy at times, but the parents are trying their hardest and if you don't like it, don't go to a cafe that serves children's meals.

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