Alternatives to Naughty Corner

[colette]

I really think I should try a different approach with ds.
today he was shouting and would not help tidy up when asked- dd was going to go on the computer with him after, >he just refused started shouting and when I warned him he pulled my arm whilst shouting louder. So I put him in the n c and carried on cooking- 15 minutes later he is still shouting and screaming so loudly we would definately be disturbing all my neighbours. (We live in a flat)
I do usually wait it out but think there must be a better alternative . The couple next door have a young baby and must think that I am hurting him It is impossible for me not to feel more stressed when he is screeching at that volume
He is on such a short fuse some days and everything is a battle- he is so much harder than dd was and she has her moments iykwim. Sometimes distraction works but when he is really naughty and hysterical it wouldn't work.A mist comes down, He is 3.5 and getting on well at nursery, loves it and gets bored easily which means it is impossible to get much done at home , except for when he plays with dd without falling out which only happens for short bursts of say 10 - 15 mins.
Any advice as he is doing my head in and I really try and be ccalm and patient with him . He is a loving, bright and affectionate boy underneath

[colette]

Muminfife thanks a lot for your reply. Yes I do warn him but his yelling sounds like he is angry because he thinks it is unjust.
I think you have made a good point about not trying to get things done whilst sorting out bad behaviour. This probably stresses me out more trying to do two things at once . Sorting his behaviour out first would be better- sometimes we are all hungry and I can't cook because he is being so stroppy
I would quite fancy being your neighbour at the mo.. but I better do dds nit check .

[sexkittyinwaiting]

I so hate this naughty step idea. It can do nothing but play on the negative. I would remove myself from his noise and if you can't do it physically, do it emotionally. I think you need to find out what is making him so angry. Reacting to this sort of anger with more anger will solve nothing. There is a reason he is behaving like this. Try and find out what it is, why is he getting so angry? The book 'how to listen so your kids will talk......' has some good ideas in it and I have found that using them on mine when they get really angry helps to calm them down almost immediately. I really recommend you get it.

[amynnixmum]

I know he's young but could you do a star chart with him. I personally do occasionally use time out either in the bedroom or on the stairs when my children continue to misbehave but postive discipline definately works better. My sis uses a star chart with her dd and she isn't 3 yet. It a few days for her to get the idea but once she had she really liked getting her stars and getting a reward.

[colette]

sexkittyinwaiting thanks for your reply I have the book but haven't looked at it lately. I really need some inspiration as I think we are caught up in a negative circle so it is a good idea . I need to try a different approach .
Part of the problem is his anger stops him being able to communicate , and because he is frustrated he just gets angrier and angrier. It is very easy to think calmly about it now and understand I wish I had the insight at the time

[colette]

amynnixmum I tried the star charts but probably when he was too young- he has matured a bit . It is worth a try . He just has such a bad temper sommmetimes

[colette]

Have to put him to bed yipee . Thanks for the replies

[sexkittyinwaiting]

Colette, one thing the book suggests is to simply acknowledge that he is angry, it also suggests getting them to draw their feelings as a way for them to simply have a vent for them. Good luck, dig out the book!!

[colette]

sexkittyinwaiting
I will try it - he has recently taken a liking to drawing so it is worth a go.
A lot of trouble lately starts when I have told him what we are doing eg. bedtime story or one episode of spiderman and he just has a big tantrum when he cannot have another. Even calmly explaining why doesn't work as he is in full flow . He acts as if I always changed my mind if he does this
It really is as if he is constantly trying to call the shots iykwim

[kitbit]

If he is happy at nursery, can you ask them how they deal with incidents there? Maybe they have a different approach, and at the very least it will mean you are consistent with them. But agree with the idea of getting behind the problem if possible, the theory sounds easy anyway!

With my ds (2) if he gets overwrought (and when he went through his biting phase ) we had a "chill out space" where I would take him and sit with him and let him vent. Sitting calmly with him seemed to calm him down too, and he seemed to appreciate being allowed to let out some steam but with me there for comfort and support. Even if it was me he was annoyed with, it seemed to help. Could this work for you?

[hannk]

Hi This is my first posting so hope I have something to offer.I always found a star chart a good idea although the trip down to toys r us was sometimes more stressful than dealing with the situation in the first place.With my oldest DD we used to count and rarely got past 1 but this didn't work for my son.Its pretty much trial and error I think try different things and see what works for him.Good luck xxxxxxxxxxx

[colette]

thanks kitbit and hank - he has been a really good boy today, but I need to change my tactics for the future. So all the advice is really helpful thanks

[Caththerese1973]

My child is a little bit older (rising four)and (or so it seems) I'm a bit stricter than some of the mums who have posted.I give her 'three chances' to do what she is told: if she still plays up, I send her to her room by herself for a few minutes. Naturally when I started doing this, she wouldn't stay in there, so I just kept putting her back ((and, I admit, closing the door on her briefly if she was really stubborn, but never for long). Now she will stay in her room with door open for a few minutes. I don't think the naughty step/naughty toom is 'negative'. Children need boundaries, plus it gives the child some space to melt down. Sometimes trying to 'reason' with a kid in the midst of a tantrum just makes it worse for both of you. My nana used to have a 'whining mat' for her grizzling grandkids! You'd get sent to the whining mat to sit in the back bedroom and once you'd settled down you were 'liberated'. Of course at 2 you ds might be a bit young for this, but at this age I don't think a star chart would work either. Whem my dd was very little I just tried to ignore her tantrums, interspersed with occasional 'shooshes' and 'never minds'- neither reproving nor indulging her.

[Monkeytrousers]

The naughty wendy house (improvsed at toddlers!)

[Caththerese1973]

oops, sorry, I thought you said your son was 2! Anyway, maybe like I said, if you actually let him cool off somewhere where he can't actually see you? If he can see you he might just keep tantruming, but in my exp if you remove yourself from the scene briefly, the child soon gives it (the tantrum) away