20 month melt down, I'm embarrassed

[magicboy79]

I have a 20month old son and he has always been a tricky character, even at 3 months he was a nightmare to take out. We were in town to get his hair cut and new shoes this morning and I have never been so stressed and embarrassed!
The whole trip consisted of screaming, crying hard, throwing himself on the ground. I normally avoid town with him as he's hot or miss, but these were essential jobs I couldn't hold off any longer on. He hardly even got his hair cut and spent most of the time screaming in my mums arms while the hairdresser tried to sneak the odd snip, then we chanced slipping into clarkes on the way past, just about got the feet measured and had to quickly buy the shoes and leave, he didn't even get trying them on.
Seems to be a control thing, he hates being told what to do and f he doesn't get his own way has absolute melt downs.
Please tell me this is normal? I've never been so embarrassed, a tear rolled down my cheek walking out of the shoe shop I was so affronted. I don't know what to do I've tried soft approach, shouting, nothing works. I know it's a "phase" he has to work through but I wish he would soon! My other little boy is such a pleasure and joy compared to this one, argh!

[waitingforsomething]

Aw op it's awful when they kick off like that but do not waste time being embarrassed. It is TOTALLY normal. What you have there is basically a walking baby who is just finding his way in the world and Learning about reason/assertiveness. It's a tough stage as he understands what you are saying but doesn't always like it. Ive never really met anyone whose child hasn't done something similar at a similar age. It gets better and anyone staring is usually doing so in sympathy because they have been there

[twirlywoo69]

Is he mainly like this when he is tired? My toddler is exactly same but it's when she is either tired or bored. We have to make sure we go in public with her after her nap or it's an absolute nightmare.. and mortifying! Have you tried bribes? I always have an emergency something in pram to grab if I think she getting that way out... Stickers, biscuit or whatever.

[beemay]

Yup - tired, bored or hungry. We can't attempt two 'challenging' things in one outing, so would just do haircut, or shoe buying, or supermarket (quickly!) followed by playground/soft play. I only ever shop online these days, and woe betide any attempt to sit and have a coffee!

[corythatwas]

Was going to say hairdresser and shoe shopping in one outing sounds very ambitious; I could never have managed that with dd. But otherwise totally normal, you live through it and then rub their noses in it for the rest of their lives

[MaisieDotes]

DS1 is 21mo and can be just like this. I cut his hair myself because there was no way I was going to put myself through the ordeal of trying to get him to sit in the hairdressers.

One day last week I managed to get him and DS2 (16 weeks) into the double buggy and up to the supermarket, but once we got there they both kicked off and I had to turn around and go home with no shopping! So disheartening.

[AnnaMarlowe]

Just to reassure you, my DC are 8 yo and extremely well behaved.

At 20 months old my DS would have been exactly the same. He hated bring messed with so hairdressers, dentists, shoe fitting and doctors were very stressful for him (and us).

He also had about a three shop limit on shopping trips.

It's fine, you just need to plan carefully and not try to fit too much in.

Stick with all the usual discipline stuff (never give in to tantrums) but bear in mind that often you need to go at their pace not yours.

So next time shoes or hair not both.

Hair and then promise of the park was always quite a useful bribe.

Good luck, it gets better.

[MiniCooperLover]

OP, this is probably unhelpful but I still have to pin my 5 year old down for a haircut! It starts off fine but never ends well ... Don't get embarrassed, most people around you are ignoring you or will be parents who have either seen it before or been there themselves. Concentrate on your little one (and 20 months is tiny!!). Don't try and fit too much into one day and don't be afraid to tuck them under your arm and walk if all else fails. Good luck, it'll be fine.