10yo son struggling

[Carlajune]

Hiya new to this so bear with me. My son is 10yo. He did 2 years at nursery and 2 years at one school with no problems. At the age of six we moved house to a small village and he started at the village school. Since then it's been a nightmare. He's been bullied something chronic and now he is finally sticking up for himself he's now being classed a bully by other parents. His current teachers says he has traits of Asperger syndrome but the head teachers thinks it's just that he can't control his anger. Me personally, I think he's just had enough of the constant criticism from his peers and he can't handle it anymore. I don't think he's ever really been accepted at the new school, he's never really settled in. After 4 years I don't think he will ever fit in. I see the kids gang up against him and it's always him that's pushed out. The other day a boy in his class tried to rugby tackle him so he punched him in the face. I arrived just after as I heard him shouting. He was so angry and started swearing at me and wouldn't come home with me. Eventually I got him home but he shouted and swore at me the whole way home. I've now been told he punched the boys younger brother and now the boys family have threatened to pay us a visit! His dad and I are at our wits end. I'm now beginning to wonder if it is my son that's the problem and what to do next. I dread going to school to collect him as all the parents are talking about us. I worry for my sons future and at the moment moving house just isn't an option. Any advice or insight will be greatly received. Thanks for reading

[Alfieisnoisy]

How absolutely awful.

First things first....yes he could have Aspergers as the traits can be very subtle but enough to cause significant problems. My son used to get very angry when teased...even at 13 it is the one thing he cannot cope with. Thankfully it rarely happens now as he is in a school for children with social communication issues.

Secondly he is being bullied if he is having to retaliate. It's interesting how people think he is bulky without looking properly at what is happening.in each situation. My son had terrible problems with a girl in Y6 who knew the buttons to press in order to get him exploding, I had lots of meetings with the school over this pointing out that until she had joined the class he hadn't been a difficult child.

The boy who rugby tackled him should have been spoken to, if your son does have Asperger traits then the likelihood is that unexpected touch is an issue for him.

What do the school say about the current situation? And would your son be happier elsewhere?

[Carlajune]

Hi thanks for the reply. Th boy that rugby tackled him used to be his best friend until something happened and they stopped talking. Don't know what as neither will say. But I do know that this boy taught him that hitting boys between the legs really hurt and that it was fun to do it. It's all fun and games till someone gets hurt. If my son has aspergers then I think it's very mild as he doesn't mind being touched by others and enjoys contact sports with no issues. I do believe the boys no exactly how to wind him up and do it deliberately. We stay right next to the swing park and this is where most of the issues happen. As it doesn't happen much at school they haven't really done anything. I'm still waiting for a refferal to some support worker to discuss how my son feels about everything. They tried to say they have sent me an appointment but they never. The head teacher thinks he had social issues and he needs to learn how to control his anger. I do agree with this to an extent but I also think he gets angry for a reason and there's more to it. We have asked him to move schools but he doesn't wZnt to. The boys that cause the problems leave for academy shortly so I'm hoping when they leave my son will be happier and the school will see that it was these boys that were making him angry. We moved here to give my son a better quality a life and at the moment I feel like I may have ruined his life instead of making it better.

[Alfieisnoisy]

Just an idea but have you thought about posting in Special Needs? I know your DS is not diagnosed wi anything but even if he is showing some autism traits the posters there could be helpful. If nothing else they are experienced at negotiating with schools and tackling bullying.

This school sounds like it has a bit of an issue if your son is being wound up to the extent that he is. They need to be closely observing all interactions around him and putting a stop to teasing.

[Carlajune]

Hi thanks for that, I will look for that section. As I said I'm very new to this so just trying to suss stuff out.
It's nice just to have a little understanding and know that I'm not the only one going through something like this. Thanks again.

[marmaladegranny]

My DS, has quite severe dyspraxia, had similar problems. He went to a village school and in the smaller school it only needed a few children to know which buttons to press to make him react. Things did get easier when he went to secondary as he was one amongst many more.
But now can you help with some gentle anger management training - something like counting to ten or taking three deep breathes before reacting. It gives him some control over his reaction but, more importantly, not getting an instant reaction will make him a less attractive target to the bullies.
You need to talk to the school as they could help by having a safe place where your DS could go to remove himself from the situation - not to tell tales. In my DS's case it was a chair outside the school secretary's office.