Worried about eye contact in 16 week old

[sparklejar1]

Hello,

I'm a FTM to a 16 week old DD. I'm very worried about the fact that she only holds eye contact with me for seconds at a time. She beams at me but then looks away. On the plus side she smiles/coos when I talk to her, tracks me across the room, watches me from a distance etc. I can make her squeal and giggle. She is very physical, rolls over both ways and is constantly moving.

When I compare her to other babies at groups they seem to be adoringly gazing at their mums for much longer! It's stopping me from enjoying my DD because I'm constantly fretting!

She had a difficult start and cried for pretty much the first two months but is a lot better now. I was hoping that as she grew older and settled then the eye contact would improve but it's still very hit and miss.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Naughty1205]

Have a 12 week old ds here. Your child sounds perfect to me!

[misstweedyweedy]

My ds doesn't hold eye contact for long, I just assumed he had a lot to look at and think about, rather than it being a problem. I haven't been to baby groups though so nothing to compare with. He wasn't turning at all at 16 weeks, so your dd sounds like she's doing great. Mine doesn't really giggle either. I guess they all develop different skills at different rates and have their own personalities.

[sparklejar1]

Thanks for the reassurance both. I think I'm worried about the eye contact being so fleeting. She doesn't always seem massively interested in faces like other babies. She will engage, but it takes a fair bit of effort on my part!

Misstweedy, has your ds never looked at you for long?

Sorry to keep going on! I'm starting to drive myself to distraction!

[misstweedyweedy]

I know once you're concerned about something it's all you notice / think about.

Ds will look at me for a few seconds, maybe slightly longer if I'm saying one of the few rhymes I know, but usually looks away before I finish. It can be hard to get his attention if he's absorbed in something else, although he is starting to respond to my voice (21 weeks).

When Dp and I are together he will look from one to another and back as if to say I didn't realise there were two of you. Also the HV did a check a couple of weeks ago and seemed to be concerned that I said he doesn't giggle. I assumed again that was just his personality.

You can always speak to a HV if you haven't anyway if it continues to bother you. I would say try not to fixate on it but mention to the HV if she does a 20 week visit (I don't know if they all do that).

[PJ67]

Hi. I think she sounds like a perfectly normal baby but I know how awful it can be when you start focusing on something like this. I used to worry a lot about my middle ds's eye contact as it took a lot of effort to get him to look at you. He's 9 now and a very bright boy but I still have to remind him sometimes to look people in the eye when they talk to him. I think he's just a bit shy. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about.

[sparklejar1]

Thanks PJ. Did he look at faces much? It worries me that DD just doesn't seem as bothered about people as other babies. She'll watch people moving about the room but doesn't stare at faces much. I'm always reading that babies are supposed to be fascinated by faces! I'm starting to panic a bit now as she's getting on for 4 months...

Anyone else had a baby like this? It's hard as a FTM to judge what behaviour is 'normal'.

Thanks for letting me ramble on!

[minipie]

DD1 was like this - still is at age 3 - nothing wrong, she is just a very inquisitive and energetic child who is constantly being distracted by something more interesting! Yours sounds like she may be similar as you say she's very physical. I remember I tried to do signing classes with DD and it was pointless as she never looked at me for more than 5 seconds Really don't worry.

[sparklejar1]

Thanks minipie. I'm attempting to do signing classes at the moment, with difficulty! DD has been in constant motion almost since birth. Was your DD1 the same?

I confess I've been googling a lot and scaring myself...

[minipie]

Yes! FIL used to look at her with wonder and say "she never stops moving does she" - we used to call her the Duracell bunny. As she's got older she has slowed down physically, I think because she can now entertain herself in other ways (eg looking at books, talking endlessly)

[sparklejar1]

Minipie, your DD sounds lovely! I think I'm worrying because all the other babies I see at groups seem so placid, gazing into their mums' eyes etc. My DD thrashes about and is either very happy with huge smiles or cries really loudly!

[minipie]

Haha - I know what you mean. Honestly I think it's just their personality - doesn't mean anything is wrong. Probably harder work than those placid babies but also a lot of fun!

[placema]

Wow. Every way you have described your baby is identical to my 16 week old. I feel reassured that someone else's child behaves in the exact same way and really just hope that we have two very normal children. :) I don't know Any other babies his age so have nothing to compare it by.

[sparklejar1]

Hi Placema - likewise, it's nice to know I'm not the only one! I've actually felt quite tearful today because I've been worrying so much, hence me posting on here! It's hard when your baby seems different to others. Good luck and keep in touch x

[PJ67]

My son never looked at faces much as I remember thinking is that not what babies are meant to be interested in! I agree with miniepie, she's probably more interested n what's going on around her. I have 3 boys and my middle son ( less eye contact) is very bright in comparison to the other two. I'm a real worrier and know what you're going through but please try not to waste this precious time with her worrying. She honestly sounds like a perfectly normal baby.

[Melodymama12]

I know this is an old post but I was wondering if you had an update. My son doesn’t make a lot of eye contact and it’s really concerning me. Thanks!

[SiouxsieSiouxStiletto]

@Melodymama12 I don't think that sparklejar1 has been around for quite a long time, this thread is 7 years old afterall.

You could try an @ though and see may see your post?