Dd13 wants to dye her blonde hair black

[BLACKTUESDAY1]

My dd is 13. Will be going in year 9 in september. She is into alternative stuff - def not at all girly, always wears black clothes, not into make up and music but an amazing artist and loves anime. She has long, wavy, (beautiful) blonde hair which she HATES. She says it doesn't match who she is and feels others get the wrong impression of her personality. She wants to look how she feels inside and wants to dye her hair black and cut it short. I am more concerned about the cut tbh as i have curly hair and any sort of wave in short hair is hard to maintain (she is quite lazy!). Should I allow the hair dye? Obv would check with school first and wait for hols but I am so worried her lovely hair will be ruined. I know it is only hair but she is so young

[Afreshstartplease]

Take her to get it done properly before she tries to do it herself and dyes her forehead and ears

[HippyPottyMouth]

Let her do it at the beginning of the holidays, with something not too permanent. At least if she's cutting it short so well it won't take so long to grow out if she hates it. It's only hair, it'll grow back.

[FuzzyOwl]

I would let her. At worst she hates it and grows it out, but she will probably love it and be happy with it. If she is lazy there are very simple long term straightening solutions you can buy online that don't cost much and last for several months - that would leave her hair looking wave free.

[TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece]

Well could you do one first and wait for the other? The hair dye might be less permanent, especially if it's not permanent dye!
Or find pictures of blonde, long haired gothy types to persuade her otherwise?
She may actually be more individual by keeping her own hair.

[314PrettySweetMamaJammer]

I'd let her do it. My 13 yo comes out with the craziest notions but so long as she works hard at school and doesn't do anything permanent, I'd let her do it.
Maybe chocolate brown rather than black?! but maybe say nothing. let her learn the hard way. She'll look like she's going bald when the roots show.

[314PrettySweetMamaJammer]

or blue, or purple?

that would be nicer than black. my dd put blue in her hair and it looked ok!

[BLACKTUESDAY1]

I thought maybe the school would object more to purple/blue as they are quite strict whereas black can be a natural hair colour. I would take her to the salon for it at least the first time and i have warned her about the regrowth . So do you think she's old enough?

[Hamiltoes]

Has she been short/ had a major cut before?

I'm only asking because I had the most glorious long hair as a child/ early teen.. And then decided to get a pixie cut! Its been years and I've never been able to grow my hair past shoulder length. It literally won't grow. Just so she is aware this could happen to!

As for the dye though maybe get a semi-perm done at the hairdressers, it will be permanent but much easier to strip out with bleach if she decides to go back to a lighter colour.

[Hamiltoes]

And yes I'd say 12+ is really old enough to be making decisions (within reason of course) about their hair.

[PoppieD]

Would never tell someone how to dress but re blonde gothy types does she know who Taylor Momsen is?

[BLACKTUESDAY1]

Thanks for the advice. She has never had a drastic cut before so I will warn her it may never get super long again. We will wait for the hols and then to the salon for a semi I think

[PoppieD]

And another

[pinkyredrose]

Taylor Momsen is hardly a goth! OP it's her hair, no harm in her experimenting.

[TheTartOfAsgard]

I took my dd 12 to the hairdressers yesterday for a 'death hawk' which involved shaving the sides underneath her beautiful long hair, so it looks like a normal haircut until she puts it up into a ponytail. She's wanted if for ages so I decided to let her have it done. I agree with pp to take her to a salon. I have memories of 13 year old me who decided to bleach then dye my hair pillow box red with the aid of good old jerome Russell box dye when my mum was at work. I had to have a fringe cut in as I dyed my forehead as well and NOTHING got it off!

[PoppieD]

That's why I said gothy type! I know she's not 'proper' goth!

[BLACKTUESDAY1]

A 'death hawk' sounds like something my dd would love too! It's funny as i have dark hair and pay fortunes to keep it blonde. She has the hair i've always wanted and is dyeing it black. She wants it so much though and it is her identity so who am I to stop her. Just need to get dh to understand now.....

[TotalConfucius]

Yes, the 'undercut' is UN peacekeeping force in this house at the moment. She has it undercut for 2 inches at the back and she can do what she likes with it, purple at the moment.
When her hair is down (as it usually is for school) the undercut is invisible.
Situation here is helped by the fact that her friend's parent told her own daughter in front of us that there would be no hair colouring until 16 so DD thinks I am a most lax parent.

[corythatwas]

My dd dyed hers blonde (ended up ginger) at that age to be in a play; school had no objection as natural colour; and it did actually help her feel better at a time when she was depressed and needed to reinvent herself. Like in your case, she has the kind of hair I've always wanted.

[Jsy123]

I don't se anything wrong with her changing her look if she feels like she wants to experiment with something else.

I have thick, curly hair and you are right - it's actually harder to manage when very short. I had mine cut into a bob when I was about 11, my mother warned me that it wouldn't look how I wanted on account of my curls but I wouldn't listen. Suffice to say, I haven't cut it short since and I've burnt all the photos from when it was short!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we have to make our own mistakes to realise something and I think making some serious style mistakes is a right of passage for young girls.

[InternationalHouseofToast]

Does she know how pale she would look with black hair, if she's usually blond haired? I had a friend at university who did this - she looked ill because she looked so pale against her hair and she never dyed it that dark again. Maybe it's a mistake she needs to make for herself, as it were.

I'd make sure she has a clear idea of what hair cut she wants as even with something like a pxie cut, there's a wide range of variation with fringes etc. Get her to have a mooch on Pinterest.

[TheABC]

Does it have to be black? I would get her experimenting with hair chalks first, as they are quite alternative and interesting without needing a massive outlay or commitment.

[Starman16]

Does she know how pale she would look with black hair, if she's usually blond haired?

I'm guessing you've not met many goths HouseofToast??

[314PrettySweetMamaJammer]

Blacktuesday I just read that your hair is blonde too (courtesy of hairdresser! but still). Having a 13 year old I know that they can be furious if your identity overlaps with their own or something. My daughter is very like me in some ways and occasionally gets angry about it. I can't think of an example other than her being upset that she's not more different.

[MrsJayy]

Dd had the emo blue/black at 14 and short with the pointy finge because she has wavy hair she did style it I woulet her irs just hair it grows back

[Housemum]

I had this conversation with DD2 recently - emo must be coming back, her sister did all that 10 years earlier...
Interestingly, 2 local salons refused to colour hair for under 16s. I thought that if she was going to get it done, I'd rather it was a treat and done professionally (eye waveringly expensive but it has taken me near 2 years to grow out the poor quality hair from years of home dye kits). They were adamant that it was not a good idea and that even if the patch test was OK, colouring that young could lead to reactions in future. No idea if that has any scientific basis!