My 2.5 year old boy is aggressive to smaller children - help!

(7 Posts)
Indigo1990 Sun 08-May-16 13:56:45

Hi I'm just after some advice or people who have been or going through a similar stage with their toddler.
My son is nearly 2 years 8 months. He goes to a child minder twice per week 9-3 and has done since 18 months old. I recently had my 2nd child who is 3 months who he loves and is never aggressive towards. He gets on well with children of his own age and older and generally plays well apart from the odd usual 2 year old tantrums over toys etc.
However my child minder has recently taken on more younger children and he really doesn't like them. He winges when they crawl or toddle towards him and he pushes them sometimes. She had to take him home from a baby group as there was a lot of babies and he was pushing. He rarely does this to children his own age.
He has been quite slow on speech, he was assessed in Novemeber and the therapist thought he was fine as showing improvement in language etc. He has improved loads since then as well but the child minder still thinks he's a bit slower with speech and thinks this is why he might her agressive sometimes. He is talking but others find it harder to understand him. I'm taking him back to be assessed again in 2 weeks to see if he can get some extra speech therapy sessions to help him improve more. I can understand him by wonder if he gets frustrated at little ones as they don't talk back or understand him like his own age so he gets annoyed at them? Or a dominance thing like I'm bigger than you etc.
Also I wonder if when he's with me he has my full attention so I can distract him from getting angry at little ones or take him for a timeout if he lashes out but the child minder has other kids to deal with so can't give him as much attention now. He's due to start pre school in September for 15hrs and ive enquired to see if they have space to take him earlier as wonder if being with children all his own age would benefit him more now and get him ready for school next year when he's just turned 4.
Has anyone got any tips for dealing with aggression to younger children or been through similar? Just wanting some reassurance really I suppose.

Thanks in advance mums! X

MattDillonsPants Sun 08-May-16 16:30:23

Has he had a hearing test recently?

Indigo1990 Sun 08-May-16 17:31:34

Yes he had a hearing test in November and past it so I don't think it's his hearing x

Indigo1990 Fri 13-May-16 09:44:46

Anybody have any thoughts? Thanks c

GF01 Fri 13-May-16 13:34:32

Hi there. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to parenting but thought it might help to share our recent experience.

We have a nearly 2 year old son and a nearly one year old son. Our eldest like yours is slow in terms of language (which is why I came on to post actually). He has routinely been violent with other children, and hasn't responded to any kind of admonishment until very recently (I'm not averse to smacking but cannot see the point in trying to teach a child not be violent by smacking them).

In frustration one of the last times he was violent to his brother, I took him out of the room and put him in his cot. Previously we had determined not to use the cot like a form of gaol, but he usually co-sleeps in with us anyway, and I was at my wit's end.

He hated it. Very very unhappy. I went back in and told him, "Sorry - you've got to stay there. You don't hit your brother."

He remained angry and upset until I took him out and he was a bit clingy. He refused to give his brother a kiss to say sorry, but that's normal.

A few days later he was violent again, and usually I'd either pull him away, and talk sternly to him at some length, or put him in the cot. This time I spoke to him sternly in very few words, but quite sharply too, then I quickly moved on to asking him to give his brother the "sorry" kiss. For the first time ever he voluntarily went over and hugged him and kissed him.

No indication that the two different tactics combined in any way, but each represented an improvement in my mind - the cot seems to serve as a very apparent punishment (and gives you time to console the younger one), and the quick telling-off seemed to do the job but not alienate him so much that he disengaged.

Gobbledeygook Sat 14-May-16 14:01:40

My 4 year old DD suddenly starting saying "mummy hits me when she gets cross". (It's not true btw.) I asked her not to say such things and she insists that I do. So far only to her grandmother and her dad but what if she starts saying that at nursery ? Any ideas ?

Gobbledeygook Sat 14-May-16 16:08:45

Sorry was trying to start a new thread

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