Attachment to father - worry?

(12 Posts)
EmFlat Wed 04-May-16 08:50:00

Hi,
This might fall under a different thread but I can't find one that quite talks about the same issue.
My son is 2 years and 2 months, and has a good relationship with both me and his Dad (present, we're a happy family!). He's displayed separation anxiety towards Daddy since before Christmas 2015, because Daddy's hours were a bit longer at work (just the time of year). Our daughter arrived two months ago and we've worked so hard at easing the transition for him: he seems no worse by way of behaviour for her presence.
But.
Son's attachment to his Dad is now becoming scary: he is beyond clingy whenever Daddy is around, crying when he leaves the room or even goes to move, and won't let his Daddy leave the room at bedtime. Lately, nighttime waking has become a 'thing' again, and Daddy is spending increasing amounts of time lying next to him in his bedroom until he falls asleep.
This morning saw an enormous tantrum at the prospect of a dirty nappy-change, and I'm now at my wits' end... is Daddy too soft on him? Is that lack of discipline at bedtime causing my son to 'rule the roost' around Daddy? (which he tried to do with me, so I have more struggles to enforce discipline when Daddy's not around).
Am I overthinking this?

Thanks x.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 04-May-16 08:54:43

I think you're overthinking this. He's had a massive change at a time when they change hugely any way. He'll grow out of it.

It is not his father's fault either. It's actually not any fun being the object of such adoration. It gets old really fast.

JeepersMcoy Wed 04-May-16 09:02:44

I agree with moving. I expect your ds is feeling like everything is changing and out of his control. Just ride it out and it will pass. DD has gone through phases of being like this with me and dh at different times. Almost always at a time of stress when she is feeling unsure if herself. I think your ds just needs lots of love and reassuring, while at the same time both you and dh being firm that dh can't do everything all the time.

corythatwas Wed 04-May-16 09:06:04

Another vote for overthinking.

They go through all these phases of favourite parent, clinging, not clinging, and with a new baby you can expect some strange character changes.

The best you can do is for both of you to stay calm and brisk and cheerful and not over-analyse. Tantrums are normal at this age and not usually the result of outlandish parenting. Just view it as any other slightly annoying stage of early childhood.

Both mine went through weird phases of preferring one parent, both of them had tantrums (but one of them far more than the other), they have grown up into perfectly civilised human beings.

MrsJayy Wed 04-May-16 09:09:57

It honestly is a phase and morethan likely a reaction to the new baby you are feeding changing holding the baby he has freaked out and fixated on dad he is only little he cant really articulate his feelings it will pass honestly little children are complex little things dont be to worriedflowers

Be grateful its a human 1 of mine at 2 used to tantrum when the cat left the room and yell CAT

EmFlat Wed 04-May-16 10:15:39

Thanks all smile I appreciate the advice!

I guess I just worry that it is too much for DH, as I know it's no fun for him. We joked about it at first winkgrin but it got tiring pretty quickly! I do my best to keep DS downstairs when Daddy needs a pee wink but we sometimes have to just accept that DS will go with Daddy come hell or high water.

Jeepers, did you mean anything by 'DH not doing everything all the time'?

InsaneDame Wed 04-May-16 12:22:23

I think Jeepers meant that DS needs to understand your DH can't do everything for him, even though he would like him to!

JeepersMcoy Wed 04-May-16 18:09:44

Yes insane, that is exactly what I meant. Your ds wants your dh to be there all the time but that just isn't possible and you do need to be clear with him about that. I didn't mean that your dh actually does do everything if that's what you thought I might mean. confused

corythatwas Wed 04-May-16 18:54:29

Well, I would only worry about it being too much for your dh if he and you would worry about a similar clinginess to mummy being too much for you. After all, your dh is a big boy and a parent and all those things. And presumably you don't have much more physical freedom if you are looking after a small baby.

EmFlat Wed 04-May-16 23:42:18

Ah, I've got you! Yeah, Jeepers, I've obviously been taking my sensitive pills without knowing! Overreacting to everything confused

Thanks everyone, you've been a great help in calming me down about it. Will ride this storm and look forward to the calm wink

JeepersMcoy Thu 05-May-16 08:33:01

That's OK, if you can't be a bit sensitive when trying to manage a baby and a toddler when can you be smile

midsummabreak Thu 05-May-16 09:01:09

We had terrible trouble with my second son having separation anxiety so that I felt smothered and couldn't break away. I tried to do a daytime computer course with my 3 year old and my 15 month old son, but my son became so upset the creche staff asked me to come back as they couldn't calm him and were concerned. I finished the day with him sleeping in my arms while I was at the computer. I never finished the course as he continued to be unsettled when we went there
That son is a very tall handsome 15 year old now and full of confidence, but remains a quite anxious at any change of routine. We go through the motions of each step he needs to take and what to expect when he does something new. It really does get better, keep strong smile but have this wine and get a babysitter a.s.a.p. before u guys go crazy

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