why is my dd (10) sad, anxious and generally bloody miserable

[Whitegrenache]

Hi dd just gone ten is proving to be a challenge at the moment. Small for her age but getting spots and BO so may be starting puperty
She has self esteem issues especially at school and often says she has no friends, but in my opinion she has lots! Has low confidence in her favourite activity (horse riding) and is well just sad and grumpy.
I have anxiety too which is well managed with mild anti depressants.
I have tried talking to her but she says she does not trust me she has a teacher at school who she can confide in which is good.
Please help

[Whitegrenache]

Anyone

[minipie]

Sorry no real advice (mine are much smaller) but bumping for you. I remember 10 as a very difficult age myself.

Can you delve into the friends issue a bit more - I think there are often changes in friendships at this age and so it might be that she has got pushed to one side a bit? Does she have non school friends eg through riding?

[Whitegrenache]

Hi, the school friend issue has been going on for a few years and they are all as bad as each other!! Yes she has great riding friends whom she has no issues with. I encourage these friendships as much as possible and she will go to a secondary school in a year with a fresh start. Just wondering though if it's possible to start Puberty so early!!

[BertieBotts]

Definitely. Girls can start as early as 7 these days.

I wonder if you could encourage her to write her feelings down in a journal or something?

Also just lots of time spent with her without expecting her to talk and showing her that you love, support and accept her just as she is might help.

[getyourfingeroutyournose]

as someone who suffers from GAD myself I recognise how she feels. It could be puberty yes but her mental health is clearly in a sorry state right now. I'm not saying she has depression but low self esteem is very hard on anyone.

I know she says she doesn't trust you but it might be time to have a conversation with the teacher she confides in. Express your worries that she is in a very low mood most of the time and suggest that whilst you are aware it could be the onset of puberty, you want to make sure it is nothing else and still want to help her in any way possible. The teacher will understand and will hopefully continue to be her confidant but this way you have trust in that teacher too.

Keep trying to talk to your daughter when she allows it. Or, just ask her if there is anything she wants to do. It may be that she needs to see that there is more to life than primary school friends. Perhaps those "friends" are actually being mean to her? Or maybe they just aren't as close because they are a big group. Often you will have a large group made up of twos or threes and there will be the odd one included most of the time but without anyone to label their best friend.

I would maybe talk to a doctor as well to ask about counselling for either you or her. If she feels comfortable enough to talk to someone about all this then let her but if not try and see if you can go to find out what is the best way to help her.

[eatyouwithaspoon]

Ypu could have been talking about my dd in your op although she is a little younger and no bo yet but has spots. She is exactly the same, really lacks confidence and has no real joy in her. I must admit I had put it down to hormones?

[amarmai]

Been lots of threads re 10 year old girls lately.Seems to be a time of turmoil for them Might be worth trying a mum and dd spa day, nail day , hair day etc on a regular basis to help them over this hump? Could also invite a friend she chooses to go with.I remember my dd loved to go on mini shopping expeditions around this age. Got her a cat and went to cuba a few times . Counselling for you and her if you get a the right person.