2 1/2 year old ds a real handful.

[oscybella]

I need a bit of advice on a couple of issues. Firstly, ds is really aggressive to other children. He goes up to the poor unsuspecting toddlers and roars right in their face. Also, he's always hitting and wrestling. It's so embarassing at toddler groups. I deal with this by firstly asking him to apologise (which he always does). If he continues he will have to sit in his pushchair at toddler groups or on the step at home. I feel like I'm constantly telling him off though. I think he's got a reputation as being a bit of a thug and I hate that.
My second problem is at mealtimes. Every mealtime is a big performance whatever I cook. Ds always refuses to eat his dinner initially. Eventually I can get about half down him by feeding it to him and either bribing him with some nice pudding or threatening to punish him eg. step or no story at bedtime. We eat together as a family every night but it's just so stressful. He's always throwing his cuttlery etc. I know it's all for attention but what can I do? If I ignore him he eats nothing. I know because I've tried that tactic too.
I'd love to know if anyone else has experienced similar problems.

[chipkid]

my ds was like this.
He is now five and although still lively and liable to get the better in any fight situation! he has calmed down massively and is a lovely character.
Horrible when it is happening but lots of boys are like this and at his age reasonong with him is pretty difficult.
Sounds like you are doing all the right things.
Try and avoid group situations when you can see he is one of his more challenging moods (for your sanity mainly) and try to enjoy him. I really worried about what other peolpe thought and completely forgot that he was just a baby really
Hope this helps

[sasa15]

my ds has the same problem with food,,,,
same age 2.6

I do like you...promise and promise this and that!

I wonder if he will get better after 3
is just part of the terrible two?

[oscybella]

Thanks for your comments last night. Only just got around to checking. I'm also hoping that age 3 is going to be a turning point. I think some children are just born a bit more challenging. Poeple with calm children probably find this hard to understand. Anyone agree or am I just making excuses?

[chipkid]

totally agree-because my dd (now 2) is the polar opposite of ds. You would never meet a more placid, easy going child. Had I not had ds first I would seriously have wondered what all the fuss was about in having small children!

Just a word of caution-at 4 your ds is likley to peak in terms of his challenging behaviour- when the testosterone kicks in-but hang in there as it seems to rapidly improve at 5!

[oscybella]

I also have dd now 11 months. She is a little angel! Thanks for the advice about the age of 4. What method of discipline do you use?

[ShouldKnowByFriday]

Why bribe him to eat? Either he eats or he doesn't and boy does he know how to wrap you round his finger. My DD refused to eat her supper once and I warned her (aged 2.5yrs) that there wan't anything until breakfast the next day and she still refused. At 8pm she said she was hungry so I gave her one rice cake (on dh's insistence) and she woke up the next day so hungry she hasn't done it since. My peadiatrician said from 18mths they learn how to manipulate you with food and to ignore it. A child will not starve nor will they stay hungry for long. He said if they refuse to eat say at lunch time just serve more at supper time as they will need more calories. I thought it was sensible advice. Hth.

[chipkid]

I have always used time out-a place where I cannot see him and he is no longer the centre of attention.
Used to put him in a spare room-had to physically take him there and he would sometimes trash the room!
I allowed him out after a couple of minutes, expected and apology and if any mess had been made-he would have to clean it up.
I was always prepared to leave a place if he was being aggressive-even if that spoilt my fun!
I also did a star chart to encourage him along the straight and narrow!
God it was hard work.!
Cannot tell you how much things have improved. He is still lively and spirited and stubborn and mischievous-but he generally does as he is asked now and tends to play nicely with other children now
hope this helps

[oscybella]

I know what you're saying and I have tried this. The prob is my ds needs more than one occasion of not getting any food to get the point across to him. He's so stubborn he would probably go for days!

[prettymum]

my dd is now 2.3. i cant make up my mind whether she is being naughty or not. she is really good most of the time, she plays by herself, will do as she's told most of the time

but she can get a bit violent nowadays, if someone tries to say hello to her she snaps at them and will try and hit out. but when they say bye she'll happily wave them off!

i dont think she is actually naughty, maybe just the terrible twos setting in!!

[oscybella]

chipkid- I think you're right about leaving a place if necessary. I think I need to do that more. Everything else is pretty much what I'm doing. It's really good to know that other people have the same probs. I'm always thinking I'm just a crap mother!

[prettymum]

regarding food, dd ahs days were she'll refuse meals so i just make sure she snacks throughout the day so gets food in her belly.

i'll leave sandwiches, raisins, fruits chopped up on the table, and shes very good at dragging me to the kitchen demanding something every hour!!

[oscybella]

My ds is snacker really. The toddler taming book suggests that all toddlers are like this and you should just feed them when they're hungry. I wouldn't mind if he didn't eat at mealtimes so much if he would just allow us to eat!

[oscybella]

Thanks everyone. Going to bed now but I'll look again tomorrow so any more advice gratefully received!