Please help me with my child

(13 Posts)
booksrock Tue 08-Mar-16 16:21:11

He is being horrible at the moment. His behaviour runied mothers day, has bought me to tears more than once and is just plain spiteful. On Sunday I had to drive home with him verbally abusing me and my other DS. He constantly is rude to me and dh, doesn't care if things are taken away or treats are stopped. He is also behaving very badly at school. He is now laughing at dh for telling him off. He is 6, nearly 7 and we are running out of ideas.

originalmavis Tue 08-Mar-16 16:22:42

Is this a new thing? What have school said?

booksrock Tue 08-Mar-16 16:23:21

He seems really cross and angry but we don't know why. We have tried lots of love bombing, rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad but as he punches and is rude to other DS I can't let him keep going on

booksrock Tue 08-Mar-16 16:24:17

The teacher has said she's not sure what to do either. It's like when he starts getting told off he goes for broke

originalmavis Tue 08-Mar-16 16:51:35

OK. First thing is to sit down with your other half and agree a Plan.

You work together as a team. Back each other up at all times.

Agree what you want him to do and stop doing. When he is calm is he ok - does he apologise? If so, can you gently probe to see if he is upset about something? It sounds like he is kicking out - but he has to learn self control.

Never rise to the behaviour - feign bemusement or boredom with it.

Don't yell or get angry - your blood pressure shouldnt go up!

Be firm - tell him that x,y and z isn't allowed and there will be penalties. Tell him he is too old for this silly behaviour. Don't make dire threats or punishments you can't follow through.

Stick to them. So if you tell him 'if you are rude, I will take away your train set for 2 weeks' do it. If he's rude again 'OK that's 3 weeks' and on and on. He will give up before you do.

Agree punishment - there will be something he values. If he gets pocket money that's a good start! Get a pad and write down the penalties (keep them small) so 5p for leaving a book on the floor, 2p for not switching off the light, 10p for bring rude, 10p for not finishing his glass of milk. He can 'earn' by doing good things - getting to school on time, packing his schoolbag the night before, putting his uniform out the night before, taking out the rubbish... Tot up the scores at the end of the week - don't be too ruthless but not too lenient either! Give him the odd random 5p when.you see him doing something 'good' off his own bat, or ask him a tricky sum and if he gets it right 'I'm impressed - I think that's worth 20p'. It will confuse him a bit but that's good!

Keep a good home routine - get up earlier if you find mornings a rush. Keep it all boring and predictable at home.

Got to catch the bus - I shall return...

booksrock Tue 08-Mar-16 16:52:41

Just had a chat with him, he's being told off for talking and being loud. I was exactly the same at his age but don't know how to help him.

originalmavis Tue 08-Mar-16 16:57:09

Sounds a bit harsh - not a 'minus ppint' or yellow card?. Does he do it a lot? I'd practice at home 'first one to talk is a rotten egg' type thing. Remind him that he has to follow the class rules - if everyone talked it would be pandemonium.

originalmavis Tue 08-Mar-16 16:58:09

Does he do sports? Martial arts is good for energetic kids, and team sports good for behaviour.

booksrock Tue 08-Mar-16 17:02:37

He does football at weekends which he loves even though he's not very good

mummytime Tue 08-Mar-16 17:04:13

I'd suggest you record his behaviour, be as specific as possible. At home try to spot 10 things every day he gets right, and pay attention to these and praise him - set the bar very low if necessary, lots of "nice touching" and "getting out of the car nicely".
See if there is a pattern to the bad behaviour: is he tired? Hungry? Just been told off? Siblings praised? Just eaten something? Had to change activity?

Talking and being loud don't sound very bad. So I wonder if the school is doing much to help him.

Wolfiefan Tue 08-Mar-16 17:05:19

Is it a new behaviour? Has anything changed?
If he's loud then have you had his hearing checked? Can the teacher give a sign or flash a card to remind him to be quieter?

booksrock Wed 09-Mar-16 10:32:40

Its not new, just more pronounced, if that makes sense? He used to have glue ear and is competitive with his brother so is always loud, we are working on volume control at home.

His brother is doing very well at school and as they are twins its quite noticeable but we praise on effort, not achievement to promote working hard as we feel they can both do this.

I had a long chat with him last night about cause and effect and how he needs to tell us when school has gone badly so we can talk about it at home, instead of being cross and angry at me. We had lots of cuddles and kisses before bed so hopefully he started today in a better frame of mind.

mummytime Wed 09-Mar-16 12:07:17

Are they in the same class?

It's a real problem with twins being compared and labelled, even more than other siblings.

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