What action would you take if your 2 children were spitting and hitting in a play park?

[Kitsandkids]

2 boys aged 7 and 8. Had been playing nicely. Then mum chats with another parent who blocks her view of the children. Few minutes later oldest runs over with tales of youngest hitting a girl and spitting at a boy. Mum goes over to group of teenagers and girl says boy had growled at her then hit her, and spat at her friend.

Mum finds youngest child (who had been hiding) who says he only tapped the girl as he wanted to ask her something and was trying to see how far he could spit. He also said his brother was spitting, who eventually admits he was spitting on the ground.

If you were the mum what would you do next?

[MrsKCastle]

I can't stand spitting, even just on the ground. If it was the first time they'd done it, they'd be told very firmly not to do it again. The second time, they'd be taken straight home, or if just one of them did it, they'd be sat next to me.

[Jesabel]

I'd give them a warning that they stop it or we go home.

[popperdoodles]

If it was our local park we would leave and go straight home
If it was further away for example a new Park I would speak to him firmly and watch him like a hawk. If it were to happen again we would leave.

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

Same as MrsK. Spitting is abhorrent. First time would be a warning, second time would be straight home. DD is 3 and would be in a lot of trouble if she started spitting.
The hitting thing is one word against another, so I'd let it slide, but keep a close eye from then on.

[Kitsandkids]

If you took them home would you do anything else once you got there? Timeouts or anything?

[popperdoodles]

I would explain why we were leaving and that if they could not behave in parks we won't be able to go in the future. Once home the matter would be over.

[AuntieStella]

I'd probably take them home, but no other sanctions.

I would reminder about no spitting. And have a chat about not barging in to groups of DC twice their age, unless it is a truly urgent matter. After all, a group of 7/8 year olds wouldn't like to be interrupted by 4 year olds unless it was something self-evidently important.

[kittybiscuits]

I would bollock them and make them apologise, take them home in disgust for an early night.

[Kitsandkids]

I kind of went with your approach kitty. Gave them both a stern lecture there and then, made the one who had hit and spat at people apologise to them then took them home in silence holding my hands. At home they weren't allowed on the computer and I'm going to put them to bed 15 minutes early instead of letting them stay up late like most Saturday nights.

I feel a bit harsh but they have form for bad behaviour and it was only Thursday night when they were both spitting on each other's beds! So I feel I have to come down harsh to try and stamp it out. Without wanting to massively drip feed they are not my birth children and have lived with me for a little under 2 years so I missed the 'toddler training' stage of their lives.

[kittybiscuits]

It was really poor behaviour. I think your response was appropriate. Do you struggle to know how to pitch your response? I think most parents do at times. I know we're all different but some of the earlier responses really didn't fit the behaviour for me.

[Kitsandkids]

Sometimes I think I'm too strict and sometimes I think I'm not strict enough! It is so hard sometimes to know how to react!

They came to me at 5 and 6 with pretty poor behaviour, but they were little and cute looking so I think most people in public were quite forgiving. But what was in the realms of 'normal' for a 5 year old seems really naughty for a 7 year old and, as I have told them, I don't want them to get a name for themselves as 'naughty boys.'

Don't get me wrong, they are not usually horrendous and are much better than when they first came to me, but for their sake I want to get incidents like today's stopped.

[kittybiscuits]

Well the important thing is that you do question yourself and check out your judgement. Is their parent your partner? Where do they sit with discipline?

[Kitsandkids]

No, he's not their dad. They're our foster children. He's quite strict, but he works long hours so most of the day to day childcare gets left to me.

[lighteningirl]

Just wanted to say well done it sounds like you are doing a great job I hope you have a lovely Mother's Day

[Believeitornot]

You need to reassure them you still love them and will care for them. That it was their behaviour and only their behaviour which was unacceptable.

I grew up with foster parents. Used to have the sense that my foster parents preferred their birth children (which I can understand) and also I didn't feel secure. I used to push the boundaries a lot to "test" it was still safe.

So I would have known consequences and also discuss why that behaviour was unacceptable and what they should do next time.

[Kitsandkids]

Aww, that's sad Believe. I don't have any birth children so my fc can't worry I treat bc better than them. In my eyes they are my children, and I tell them all the time that I love them.