3 year old son - sleep issue my OH has asked me to tackle tonight

[lucylalap74]

My lovely son and I haver the following habit. For his father after bed time routine which is bath, milk, teeth, stories then bed pretty much around 7 ish - 8 at latest most nights they will go into the nursery my OH will have a little chat and cuddle with him about his day sing a routine song "all my love is bubbling over :))" then he sets him into his bed and says goodnight our son then falls asleep on his own and doesn't need his dad to stay in the room. For me it's a different story as soon as I've sung the song he wants me to cuddle him to sleep and "Put your legs in the bed mummy" if I lie with him he falls asleep after he's stroked my face little bit and fussed around a bit. I then try to leave in a stealth like manner, then about 4 hours later he wakes up sad that i'm not there and calls out of me, last night he did this 3 times and it's causing real stress in the house. I know the problem is with me (because OH has said that!) I cannot stand to hear our son cry or be distressed and he gets very upset if I say I'm leaving now time to sleep night night. Sometimes I've managed to sit at the end of the bed but since I've been off work for christmas and we've co slept in various guest family houses over the festive period he's really attached to me being in bed with him. I've just had a little chat with him and told him that tonight I won't put my legs in because his bed isn't big enough for us both and that now he's 3 he can learn to sleep on his own for mummy just like he does with Daddy, he's said ok i said I will hold your hand tonight until you're either ready for me to leave or ready to fall asleep and he has said ok. My question is really any tips that anyone may o can't bear it I have awful memories of my own childhood being left to cry and the one time we tried it i found it deeply upsetting and went against all my instincts x Thanks in advice for any help

[JellyBabiesSaveLives]

Do bedtime together you and oh? With OH in charge. Hopefully ds may behave like he does when OH does bedtimes, but get used to you being there and leaving?

[Jesabel]

I'd do your bedtime bit, cuddle and reading a story or whatever, downstairs and then his dad take him up to bed.

[museumum]

My ds is happier going to sleep alone for dh. If we're both in and I'm doing bed then I do try to leave him to settle himself but if he cries then dh goes and tells him it's sleepy time. I don't go back in. Ds is ok with this.
If dh is not home I do sometimes (1 in 3 ish) have to sit in his room of doorway till he falls asleep.

[lucylalap74]

that's a good idea so DH (is that short for dad half? sorryI'm a newbie here) leads the charge. In the past when we've done this son just cries and asks for for me to do it but maybe DH/OH comes in for the chat and then we leave him there together so it's not all on me? X

[lucylalap74]

Ah so it's not just me then! x Maybe that's right I do the whole bedtime routine than DH takes him to bed x

[strawberrybubblegum]

It's definitely not just you! I'm not sure whether it's because we mums are a bit of a soft touch or whether it's because the little ones want us so badly, but we have the same problem in our household.

We do the same as museumum - I usually do the bedtime routine, but the last cuddle is with daddy, and he puts her into bed. Then if she wakes in the evening, he settles her because she never wants to let me go. night wakings are a different kettle of fish, but mercifully infrequent

(DH means dear/darling husband)

[strawberrybubblegum]

For what it's worth, I think it's genuinely really hard for them to adapt after a holiday when the whole family have been together every day, and as you say more likely to be cosleeping or at least in the same room.

Then suddenly, it's back to the normal routine - which is a huge shock to them, especially since they didn't really understand it was coming.

Our 3 year old really struggled the first week we were back. It's starting to get better now.

[lucylalap74]

hmmm mixed results last night, managed to actually leave room for all of 3 seconds whilst he said he would try to sleep on his own but he cried out immediately and got out of bed to find me in the corridor outside his room listening "you didn't go away mummy" he said then we went back in he kept asking me to get into bed "try mummy try" ha ha but I said no I will sit and cuddle you and hold your hand but no more mummy lying in your bed darling. He managed to go to sleep without any tears like this BUT then woke up at 3 am crying for me to get in with him, I am back to work today and was shattered so I'm sorry to say I gave in pretty much immediately then removed myself at 3.20 once he'd gone back to sleep but then he woke again at 5 am crying out for his morning milk so I tried to get him to lie back down with me in bed with him but he wouldn't so at 5.30 I gave him some milk as I think the kind person that wrote about adjusting after different beds and holidays is right, we then sat on sofa and fell asleep together until 7.30 when my DH came in and found us and said "went well then"" ha ha ha x well it's not going to happen over night BUT the good news in he went to sleep without me in the bed at the start. I asked DH if he'd go in if he woke up in the night and he said "what's point he only wants you" but I actually think if he went in on the first waking cry then that would probably help a lot so I'm going to talk to him about it tonight x Thank you for all the answer and suggestions so much appreciated

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

No advice whatsoever as I've completely capitulated to co sleeping. DH has gone away for work for a month, dd (3) has an ear infection then I had tonsillitis so was easier for me to push a bed next to hers and create a big 'nest' and go to bed at same time as her. If I dare leave there are pathetic cries of 'I want my mummy'. Basically have created massive rod for own back but no idea of how to fix it so watching with interest...