OCD? A desperate plea(9 Posts)
This is the true voice of despair. I am begging someone, anyone, who can help me.
My daughter of 7 years old, almost 8, has started having compulsive thoughts the last few weeks - she says, voices in her head that won't go away.
She is convinced that she would like to kill people, shoot them and that one day she will do this. I feel I have lost my precious girl and the worst thing is that its the only thing she talks about. I have devoted every moment we have together to allow her to talk about it and have shown endless empathy and understanding. I have exaughsted myself emotionally and have gone in circles with it. I have explained to her about a conscience and the 2 voices of reason in her head. I have told her that her other voice of reason is speaking extra loud and she needs to show him that she is boss. I have spoken to her about anything that has upset her lately, including seeing a snapshot of a war scene on the tv at my parents house, just a few seconds because my dad forgot to switch off. I have spoken to her about that and what it means. She seems to be preoccupied with I.S and what happened in Paris and so I think that is connected. But she has also had a long run of bad things happening at school including bullying for not having a father and also another seperate incident of bullying which included intimidation by the mother, via her daughter. The school have failed her for far too long letting her suffer in boredom because she was too ahead of the class and despite over a year of me trying to ask them to tackle this it is only now that they are agreeing to trying new things to keep her challenged. But I fear that it has been going on for too long and perhaps it has been like some form of torture for her to sit in class with nothing to do and that now its too late. Now its as though the devil got her. The expression 'the devil makes use of idle hands' is really seeming to ring true.
Its like my daughter is posessed. I read up on OCD and this can be a symptom, believing you are bad and having repetitive thoughts. I know I now need to take her to a doctor but I fear her being labelled, I fear that this will make it worse, I fear them trying to get her on meds. She is a charismatic, fun, intelligent and sweet girl and I just want to cry at the thought that this is the way we will live our life from now on. Life is hard enough raising a child alone and I had so much to look forward to with her. Its a hell for me, being in discussions about killing people all the time. Simply a hell. I am a peaceful person who can't even watch 1 second of violence in films or on TV, so this is like a massive punishment to be confronted by this all the time. I now have visions of my daughter ending up in prison one day because she has fulfilled her own prophecy. How did life come to this? I have dedicated all of this 8 years to raising her and giving her a wonderful life, doing so many things to enrich her and have not been working to ensure that she has all the quality time she needs from me. But it has amounted to this.
Am I missing something?
Has anyone else been through this?
Please, if you have any insight that can help me, don't hesitate. I am in tears and feel like I am on the edge of the world about to drop down into an endless black hole. Trying to hang on and have hope...
I suffer from severe OCD and have had for 15 years. I'm happy to answer any questions you may have.
From what I can read, rest yourself and assure yourself- your daughters thought patterns are not your fault.
Bullying lowers self esteem considerably feeling you're not good enough, therefore perhaps her thoughts involving violence are her way of feeling like she is in control of a situation whereby she actually feels out of her depth.
I suffer from cleaning I've which is also about control- to control flashbacks I have from being made to feel inadequate and abused.
There are many ways in which ice manifest themselves into our lives in order for us to feel the 'control' we lack in many areas.
I hope this helps a little bit.
Please don't cry or blame yourself.
Look up a video on you tube called 'leaves on a stream'
It's a mindfulness activity I use daily whereby you visualise a stream and bung all thoughts (unwanted or not) on a lily pad passing in a stream in order to empty your head- this can be done a couple of times a day & is pretty effective and soothing for somebody very confused about their unwanted thoughts.
Here if you need anything. X
Wiser people will come along shortly, but here's what I can offer for the moment:
Intrusive thoughts aren't fun, but there's a huge gap between having them come into your head and acting on them. It is, for example, very common indeed to have a little voice going 'go on, jump' when you lean over a precipice or saying 'go on, swear at them' during an interview. It's much, much rarer to act on those impuses and there's even a theory that for many people these are protective mechanisms. So, for example, the exhausted mother who imagines herself hurling the colicky baby out of the window then gets a flash of how much she loves her child because the thought of hurting it is so horrible and that helps her put up with the screaming.
For what it's worth, I had thoughts that I found very distressing at your daughter's age and never really told people about them. It is a really lovely sign that your daughter trusts you so much. Over time I figured out that for me (ymmv) the worst thing I could do was try to reason with them ('I can't want to drown the cat. I like cats. I don't like hurting creatures. Why would I want to do that...') because there was no way out of the maze of thought. The best thing, in contrast, was to clock the thought as 'one of those' and not think about it. Same goes with physical tics. Thinking about not cracking your knuckles/biting your nails just makes it far far harder to resist.
Getting older helps too, I think, because you have more years to look back on and think 'ok, I'm not perfect and I have been unkind and ungrateful at times, but I'm alright, part of the ordinary run of imperfect muddle along humanity'.
There's a phrase I really like, the 'imp of perversity', that captures that idea that inside many of us there's a daft, destructive, pointless little voice. It's not you, it's not her, it's not a sign of evil. It's just the imp.
I'm sorry you and your poor daughter are having such an awful time OP.
While your daughter is clearly suffering, as a long term sufferer of OCD who has done lots of reading and research, this doesn't sound like OCD to me. However, I am not a doctor and would urge you to seek medical advice.
People with OCD tend to have extreme fears about causing harm or death to someone, rather than a fascination or talking about liking killing. Also, the fixation with I.S. and Paris sounds more like an anxiety and paranoia type situation than OCD.
Finally, does your daughter have any rituals she feels compelled to carry out, especially to relieve her anxiety? That is also a classic feature of OCD which you don't mention in your opening post.
I have not had experience of situations like this, but perhaps I may pose a few questions which might possibly 'shed some light', or at least get you both to examine your situations in a calmer, less dramatic way.
It sounds to me as though 'Dad' is not around: how long has he been gone, has DD known him, does he have any contact with her or give you or her any support?
Why have you allowed the school to 'fail her' for so long, without having raised the matter with staff on previous occasions?
Things like this do not normally 'pop up' without there having been earlier warning signs, so how was she during earlier years at school? Did she go through nursery, Reception, Year 1 in a reasonably 'normal' way?
What is she like academically at school; does she have friends, or take part in activities?
I can understand that events in Paris will have an effect on a child who is already a bit 'fragile', and that thinking about such things will play on a child's mind, in an adverse way.
Yes, you do need to get professional help from a doctor, or HV, or counsellor if school have such a facility. But I don't see why you should be 'labelled', as hopefully only the professionals involved will know about the situation.
I'm sorry I cannot offer more sympathetic support, but I think firstly you both need to closely examine EVERYTHING that has led up to this present situation.
(I don't know how long you have been an MN member, but doing a 'Search' I didn't seem to find other posts or queries from you.)
Please contact CAMHS which is the child and adolescent mental health service for your area. They will be able to do an assessment and decide on the best course of treatment/therapy. I think what your daughter is experiencing is more than school or a school counsellor would be qualified to deal with. You will also need specialist guidance on how to support her at home. I hope you find the input you need.
Thanks everyone. I really feel so much better having opened up about it and having your support, wow. What a difference it makes to talk. Your words are so reassuring and I will take them on board. I will also use the visualisation with her - I had wanted to find one that seemed appropriate and that one is great :-)
I used to think OCD was repetitive rituals only. But when I did a search on these symptoms many OCD sites came up and it seems to be a classic case. Its a different type of OCD I think - involving thoughts that the sufferer believes to be true.
I forgot to mention too, that before the thoughts first started she said that she was not feeling good inside and would rather not be alive anymore. From that day till now I have been broken hearted. I would never imagine she would ever think something like that. She said it again tonight because the thoughts just won't stop.
I'm looking into play therapy as an option - just need to find out what the cost will be, but I may be able to claim it on my insurance as I live abroad and a lot is covered here.
The school problems have been ongoing and I have had many appointments with the director, but because there have been 2 issues going on, both bullying and the boredom in class, I have gotton the feeling he is fed up with me. I did send him a message about her thoughts on dying the other day and he replied to my email on another point, totally overlooking my comment, obviously his way of saying he is not interested. I have been searching for another school for months but its a long process to finding the right one that fits her and in any case she won't be able to start another school until the beginning of the next school year in Sep. I do know though that without a doubt this school has not been good for her, however I also can't expect that the grass will be greener on the other side.
She does have friends, but due to the silly stuff that has been going on with the bullying in class and one of the mothers causing a divide between the groups, her friend circle has shrunken and she only has 1 or 2 now that work out. Its time to move on!
I can relate and I feel for anybody who is going through what we are with our 6 year old son. Take a look at the thread I put up in November, it's still on chat and is titled 'OCD/Tics my 6 year old boy'. We are still in the throws of this and it's truly heartbreaking. Please do get in touch once you have read the thread, it will show you our journey which started late November. Sending you hugs and support from somebody who is in the same place right now xxxxx
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