Angry 3 year old wishes I was dead!

[Kayles86]

My 3 (almost 4 year old) son has become really angry lately. My elder son (5) was never like this and I'm really concerned.

For the last few weeks, maybe months, my 3yo has had a serious personality change.

He will be perfectly happy one minute and in an instant will become uncontrollable. He screams until the point of almost making himself sick and simply can't calm down. He shouts and screams that he can't calm down and every calming technique I know doesn't work.

Recently, he's started telling me and my husband that he wishes we were dead and that he wants a new mummy and daddy! He threatens to leave, kill me in my sleep or tells me to go back to work. I don't even know where he would get this from as we're very strict on what the boys watchave on TV etc and we never talk to each other or anyone else like this.

Quite often, withing seconds of his outburst being over its like it never happened and he's the loving sweet boy we actually recognise.

He's never violent but we never know what will set him off. It could be anything from putting dinner on the table, trying to collect the eldest from school, leaving somewhere when he doesn't want to leave or today it was because I tried to pack the Xmas tree up!

We've tried star charts, taking away privileges, I can't even take him to the supermarket anymore as the last time we went he continually screamed through the checkout because he dropped his 5p lolly from the hair dresser! (I cried in the car for a good 10 min on this occasion!)

I'm genuinely out of ideas now and don't know what else to try!

Do I take him to the GP? I'm really worried about him starting school next year as I'm dreading getting a call from the school - although when he's at preschool or with any other group I get told he's an absolute delight - does he really hate me??? I'm feeling really low at the moment and the craziness of Xmas has just made his outbursts even worse... HELP!!!!

[acrossthemiles4]

I can relate. I have 3 boys and the 3rd is nothing like his 2 brothers. If I hadn't already raised 2 good boys to practically adulthood I would really doubt myself.

My son is now 6 and did the same things you describe with your son. Age 3 to 4 and some of age 5 were horrific. He was miserable never happy, picked fights and said things I didn't think he had ever been exposed to.

There could be so many things that lead to this. My son was delayed in his speech but very clever so he was angry when he couldn't make us understand. I would class my son as 'strong willed'. The major thing for us turned out to be pain. He has really bad teeth. He just couldn't tell me his teeth hurt and I never thought to ask.

I don't know why. Not a lot of sugar in diet, not a pacifier user, started seeing the dentist at 1. He got a cavity, became scared of the dentist and we had to go to a dental hospital which took months to book. He got abscesses and everything. I have never been so frustrated trying to get help for him, everything took forever. But, as we got his teeth fixed and the pain lessened he became so much more manageable.

So I would recommend seeing if he has some pain he can't express to you without you asking. I would have thought a small child would express when something hurts but apparently not and it is common with children.

Also, things to look at: Diet, possible food intolerances can make mood swings, vitamin deficiencies can affect mood. How much sleep does he get?

Try googling 'strong willed child' and see if this fits your son. There is advice out there on this personality type and it has helped us. Things are better and he is good in school, he even has lots of little friends. He can still be difficult but it has been many months since the last time I felt utterly defeated crying in my car. Have patience, it can get better.