Hope this is ok to post, I've already posted in Parenting but thought I might get some useful responses here too.
DD2 is 5.5years old and we are having ongoing issues with her wetting herself and now starting to tell fibs to try to hide the wetting.
She has been previously been potty trained, she was potty trained a little after she turned 3 and whilst she has always had the odd accident (when tired or stuck in the car a long time) she is now wetting herself everyday, sometimes more than once a day.
She comes home from school wet everyday, the school have tried to put in place things to help her and they work for a week or so then we're back to the same story.
At home we have spent months with sticker charts and chocolate bars, rewarding keeping herself dry. When there is a chocolate bar at risk she can keep herself dry for weeks on end; take away the reward and she just wets herself again. I can't give her a chocolate bar every afternoon forever though, at some point she needs to just do it for herself.
She says she is choosing to wet herself because she doesn't want to miss any of the game she's playing or any of the work she's doing at school.
She has started to lie about whether she needs to go, saying she doesn't need a wee and then wetting herself 5 minutes later. She apologises and says she lied because she didn't want to go to the toilet.
I'm at the end of my tether now and (shamefully) I yelled at her lastnight. I asked her if she needed a wee before we sat at the table for dinner. She said she didn't need it. I asked if she was sure and maybe she should just go for a try, she was insistent that she didn't need a wee. A few minutes later she wet herself at the dinner table. I was furious that she'd lied to me, when I was trying to help her by reminding that she might need a wee before dinner. She apologised and said she knew she needed a wee but just hadn't wanted to go.
Telling her off lastnight obviously made no difference though because tonight when she came home from school I asked them to go upstairs, go to the bathroom and put their play clothes on. When I went up I asked them if they'd remembered to have a wee. DD2 said she had, I was pretty sure she hadn't (she takes ages and its hadn't been long) so I asked her again. She still insisted that she had been to the bathroom. When I went to ask her sister if she really had been she starting apologising and saying she'd go now instead. She had a time-out for fibbing.
I'm exhausted with it, its everyday and I worry about sending her to playdates and parties. She's getting to an age where I think others might start picking on her.
I've had a chat with her tonight, stressing the need to be truthful and to make the right choice to go to the toilet to keep herself clean and dry. We've taken her to the GP already, they checked on multiple occasions and she doesn't have a UTI. The doctor wasn't much help beyond that.
What should I be doing?
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Struggling to know what to do to help my DD (5yrs), would appreciate advice
RuthieBabeee · 25/11/2015 20:48
Ah, so I was barking up the right tree then. Have this 
So she is just going to have to decide for herself that she's going to stop this. When my DD was refusing to toilet train, it was a year of removing the nappy and her withholding for hours and hours and HOURS to the point of pain. I'd give up for a couple of months and try again with the same result. I decided to act like I didn't give a shit whether she toilet trained or not, and fully expected her to wake up one morning and decide no more nappies and that was that.
Well, that didn't happen.
In the end I really got tough. Usual result - 10+ hours of no wee. It ended with me sitting on the bathroom floor with her, telling her she wasn't getting off the loo until she did a wee (DD: "But I don't waaaaant to!"). I was very firm and emotionless and quite angry. She relented and did a tiny wee, withheld again until about 3pm on day two, and then it was plain sailing after that.
Apart from the away from home thing 
So, in my experience, backing off and ignoring may not work. But you should definitely try it, because the current tactics are just making her dig her heels in further. If ignoring doesn't work, then you may have to get cross (obviously I'm not suggesting psychologically damaging her for life, but making sure she knows how unacceptable it is and it has to stop, like yesterday!).
Yeah, back off. She'll either take it as permission to carry on as she is without being hassled about it, or the compulsion she has right now to resist you will go away. Good luck 
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