Something is not quite right with dd and I'm not sure what

[onzephyrstdayofchristmas]

She has been waking in the night a lot lately with bad dreams. Quite often I can calm her down and get her back to sleep. Last night she was up a lot and when I woke up early this morning she was in dp's side of the bed.

Tomorrow she is meant to be going to the cinema with school to see polar express (she's in Reception, will be 5 on 25th) so I downloaded it and we watched it this evening but she didn't like it very much and was a bit scared of a couple of bits.
When I put her to bed tonight she was crying a lot, very clingy and said she was scared of having the same bad dream again and lots of talk of monsters and dinosaurs. I said she could go to my bed to fall asleep and I'd put her through later. She came down again and this time said she didn't want to go to the cinema. I told her she didn't have to but she was worried about being on her own (the whole of year R and 1 are going) so I asked her if she was really upset because of the trip and she said yes. I told her she could stay home while they went and she has now gone to sleep.

I don;t know what to do with her, this is very out of character and she absolutely loves school.

Should I take her in the morning anyway and hope that she will enjoy it or should I keep my word to her and take her in when they get back?

Is the dreams/monsters thing usual for this age? How do I deal with it?

[jabberwocky]

If you told her she could stay home and she still wants to tomorrow then you should keep to your word.

[onzephyrstdayofchristmas]

She always has a nice cd on - nothing that could lead her to think of dinosaurs or monsters and she usually looks at the books to go with the stories so that her mind is on something nice and fluffy!! Doesn't seem to be working though.

I'm starting to wonder if she is anxious about something - could that be causing the dreams?

When I was little I had a very vivid imagination and would scare myself to tears. Unfotunately it's something that stuck with me for a long time ad I don't want her to be like that.

[MammyMto3kids]

Can you not get to the route of it? Has she seen something or read something with monsters in? Have you told her there's no such thing? has something else changed in her life? Maybe she's just tired or not feeling well? My dd is also the same age, just trying to think out what I'd do with her.....hth?!!!

[plumflumppudding]

I would see how she felt in the morning and make a decision then..if she really is that upset about going then I would probably keep her home,or,is there a chance if you had a word with a teacher they may let her sit with them,to reassure her?

With regards to the bad dreams,my dd used to have loads and I found soothing music and a story helped but also I bought her a fairy snowglobe and she shakes this every night at bedtime to 'shake' the bad dreams away-she calls it 'sprinkle fairy' .It Has worked though and she hardly ever has bad dreams now apart from when something is worrying her,which sounds quite like your dd.

[saadia]

Sounds like she is just scared of that particular film. My ds1, also 4, 5 in Jan, was also afraid for a few days of going to sleep. He kept saying he might have bad dreams. Turned out dh had told him a bedtime story involving ds1, ds2 and lots of scary monsters, so unsurprisingly ds1 had bad dreams for a couple of nights.

If I were you I would let her miss the film if it's upsetting her so much.

With ds1 we kept saying that we would talk about nice things (reminisced about trip to Disneyland and other things he had enjoyed) before bedtime so he would not have bad dreams and it seems to have helped. He still sleeps with dh and me so we said that no monsters would come while we were there. Perhaps you could give your dd a teddy or doll and tell her it will look after her at night.

[notreallyhereDee]

very normal. dd1 suffers from bad dreams, she is the one who also sleep walks and sleep talks like i do, and i also suffered bad dreams as a child. she had been having dreams about skeletons coming to get her. when i quizzed her, the only place she has seen skeletons is on 'kingdom of hearts 2' game that she watches her uncle play and helps him(pirates of caribean bit). so she has said to him not to play it anymore. We got her a dream catcher which relaxed her a while, but the dreams are back.

[onzephyrstdayofchristmas]

She's been a bit ill this week with a horrible cold and ear infection but that seems to have passed.

I did wonder if it was maybe school. We moved house in the summer holidays so she had to go to this school at the last minute instead of the planned one. The school is brill but the kids are generally more bolshy and rough and she isn't used to that. She comes home saying "I hate you" or "I don't like you" and gets told off for it but obviously that's what she's hearing from school, so that might be confusing her maybe. I really don't know.

Also the more she's up the more tired she is getting which isn't helping.

I've no idea where she has picked up the monsters thing though. I'm always extra careful with that because I know how it affected me.

[MammyMto3kids]

Just give her lots of reassurance, when it was Christmas when I was little, my Mum used to put an angel above my bed and I remember her telling me she would watch over me. Perhaps I was more agitated at Christmas? I remember worrying when it was gone, I felt safe knowing 'she' was there, perhaps something like this, as some of the others have suggested, would help?

What about a story where the dinosaurs and monsters are not to be feared, such as Harry and the dinosaurs and Maggie and the ferocious beast? Or make your own up where your dd is the princess?!!!! (you never know )

[onzephyrstdayofchristmas]

Iwill have to keep trying with her. She has a dream catcher and a bear to look after her. Tonight she was asking me abut dinosaurs and when I said there weren't any anywhere in the whole world she said "well what about a long tme ago" and "why are they extinct?" So it's in her head that they were real at some point in time which I guess is a rational point!

[Chandra]

I would take her, she maybe was over tired and clingy before going to bed and may forget about it by tomorrow. I wouldn't give in if the fear is not rational, you are going to the cinema with her so she won't be alone as she claims she will.

DS had such skill in winding me up that now, if he says he doesn't want to do something I limit myself to asking open questions to avoid giving him more amunition (instead of saying "are you afraid of x and y?" I ask him what is he afraid of, and sometimes I got the most unbelievable answers, for example, a few months ago he said he didn't want to go to nursery and when I asked why he told me he was afraid because there was a huge cocodrile living in the sand pit, so...

[MammyMto3kids]

Hi, any news? Did she go? How is she now?

[binkacat]

DD used to complain of bad dreams and I got her a dream catcher and put it on the wall oevr her bed - told her that it catches the bad dreams before they get to her and only lets nice dreams through. It seemed to give her the reassurance she needed and no nightmares since (a year now). Probably a coincidence, but it helped by getting her to lie and down and go to sleep ratehr than crying that she was too scared to.

[onzephyrstdayofchristmas]

Sorry I meant to come back but couldn't find this thread!! When I took her to school in the morning I had a word with her teacher who said that she wasn't sure about the movie either so they were going to see Happy Feet instead! She changed the groups around so dd could sit with her. When I picked her up the teacher said she had still been a bit scared and kept asking questions (she does that when we watch tv and it's soooo annoying - felt quite sorry for teacher!!)

With the sleepless nights, they have actually got better over the last 2/3 nights... turns out a bigger boy at school had been scaring her - running up to her and growling... he has now made friends with her and she is so much better. I took her in this morning and this rather large but cute lad came into her class and gave her a big hug!! Turns out that's him - he looks at least a year or two bigger than dd. V strange!?!

[staceym11]

if she gets scared about monsters etc again you could try a monster hunt. we did this with my neice, we took musical instruments and banged/blew them into all the hidey holes, then out into the back garden and over the fence, all the monsters are now magically gone. it worked for us

we did try telling her they werent real but she said she could see them, so we decided to do the monster hunt! now she sleeps a lot better!

[kslatts]

My dd2 is also in reception, she always used to go to bed in her room without any problems, but recently she has started saying she is scared and doesn't want to go to bed on her own, not sure if one of the kids at school has said something or whether she is becoming more aware of things around here that are potentially scary, she tells me that when she is in her bed alone she is scared of spiders and monsters. dd1 has a high bed with a sofa on the bottom and dd2 often takes her duvet and pillow and lays in there as she feels safer in the same room as dd1.

[mummy2ashton]

i heard that if you go on a "monster hunt" in her room or the house before bedtime sometimes this can dispell the monster fears.
i remember being scared of the devil at this age after my nan showed me a picture of the devil (horrible toothy ugly creature) and said he would come and get me if i ever lied.
im sure she'll get over it soon, you may need to humour her for a while
xxx

[onzephyrstdayofchristmas]

kslatts that's what dd has - her bed is right up by the ceiling with a desk and futon underneath - I did wonder if being up there was an issue but she has never said. She is very 'monster' aware at the moment and moreso since starting reception so I guess she is hearing things from others. I might try the monster hunt. I tell her every night that they aren't real and that no-one has ever seen one. I'm a bit worried that by saying anythning else it will reinforce the thought in her head that ther are some somewhere.... it's so hard!!!

[moonshine]

My dd was very similar but seems to have stopped having such bad dreams in the past 2/3 months (she's 5.6). I found that it was a lot of non-typical or non-obvious things that would trigger her fear - she can quite happily watch Scooby-Doo but was terrified of a couple of pictures in the Ladybird book version of Beauty and the Beast (the film of which she incidentally still refuses to watch - similarly Sleeping Beauty). Men with beards used to frighten her but I think she's got over that (one particular bearded man bringing all the presents has probably helped with that!)