Help - Two fold - How do i stay calm with my upset toddler and how do i calm him down???

[Tabby33]

I am getting very angry with myself for pushing my toddler away from me (emotionally) when i just can't get him to calm down. He is 21 months old and can talk well, is walking, potty trained during the day and has even started the 'why?' questions.......

The mornings are the worst. He just wants to get in my bed and watch tv and do nothing else. So when i am trying to get him ready for nursery and myself to work it is really testing. He will just scream with tears running down his face shouting my name, my heart breaks!

My husband has gone away for two weeks which means all i hear is 'mummy, mummy, mummy' for anything, even if i have hold of him!

I try walking away to calm down and breath deep breaths but he then grabs my legs and shouts up at me.

I am seriously struggling and just need some none judgmental advice if that is even possible because i am obviously doing something very wrong. I just don't have anyone i can turn to right now that doesn't make me feel like a terrible mother.

[BlackeyedSusan]

perhaps he is struggling with your husband being away. he obviously needs more contact with you for reassurance... which is not good in the morning. try finding extra time in the evening. it may all settle down when your husband is back after a while.

[RainbowBlue]

It sounds hard OP! Maybe get him ready whilst he watches TV? I used to do this with DD and she was so absorbed in the TV she didn't notice what I was doing .

Or perhaps give him a limit of one programme and then it's time to get ready?

I wouldn't judge... Glass houses and all that

[gandalf456]

Two words: separation anxiety.

If you have to get out of the door, you have to get out of the door so don't feel bad for ignoring it somewhat and going about your business. He is not going to come to any harm. And don't feel bad for feeling frustrated and stressed: it's normal. I agree making the extra time when you have it for him is a good way to go because it will alleviate the guilt you are having and he will benefit from it too. He may still play up and test you because it is what toddlers do. You aren't doing anything wrong but if you say to yourself you are dealing with it as best you can, you won't take it so much to heart and feel so bad about it and that's half the battle because then he won't pick up on your stress so much.

[Tabby33]

Do you really think it is because his daddy has gone away? Getting him dressed in front of the TV does normally work (yes bad mum letting him watch tv, but it is at controlled times), we can even brush his teeth well whilst he is watching tv, but the last 4 days it hasn't and if i am not letting him climb all over me grabbing my face he is just not happy. I really really hope it calms down a little when his dad is home.

I am just worried my annoyance he will pick up on and become an annoyed little boy. I will focus on calming down faster. Thanks all

[kalidasa]

I reckon it's because your DH is away. He's missing him and no doubt you are too which he'll sense as well. Sounds weird, but have you tried talking to him about that? Just saying out loud that it is sad Daddy is away (or whatever) and you both miss him but he's thinking of you and will be back soon/tomorrow or whatever. I was amazed how often this helped even when DS was much too young to really understand.

[DIYandEatCake]

I know it's difficult, but I'd try to build a bit of 'cuddle time' into the morning if you can - when he gets up, just focus on him for 5 minutes with no distractions, and give him lots of cuddles.
My two (22 months and a 4 year old) are always climbing over me and it drives me nuts sometimes - but I try to remember to enjoy the cuddles as one day they'll be big and independent and then I'll miss these days.
Make sure you get some head space too - it's hard going when you're on your own.

[HJBeans]

I was going to suggest talking to him, too. If his language is good he might be able to say what he's feeling and you might be able to explain what you need to do before doing it.

My boy (2.3) definitely misses his dad when he's away and it's been helpful to say I'm as when he's gone, too, but that he'll be back in N sleeps. He also acts up a lot more on mornings when he doesn't want to leave us, so we do lots of preparation - "we'll play for a little while, but then we need to get dressed for nursery, brush our teeth, etc." It's a wee bit maddening as it's the same stuff every day, but it still seems to help. Also it's been useful to start each day with him coming into our bed for cuddles. We get another ten minutes in bed and he gets one-to-one attention first thing.

Hope some of that helps.