To think there is a lot of crap parenting around??(66 Posts)
I am trying my best to bring up ds as properly as possible as a working single parent with no family support and a rather unsavoury ex. Naturally I have had to enlist the help of childcare. I have noticed that Xbox games which aren't appropriate for ds's age adversely affect him. However I have tried to help him fit in since it would appear that the vast majority of parents allow their children to play whatever game and at whatever age they fancy. I have limited them to weekend use in moderation only. I appear to be the odd one out here? The childminder questions my parenting all the time, why do I not give him much diet coke, why does he not eat many sweets, why does he not watch 18 plus games (when he is 10!) - since I have found it to totally adversely affect his behaviour. Ds is a highly sensitive child and easily led and has always been a handful. She is very generous and will think nothing of buying him on ocasions an enormous bag of sweets and when he comes home that evening he is feeling full and ill and cannot eat a healthy meal whatsoever. I have instructed ds to merely eat half a packet. I do wish ds to have a normal childhood after all and I was given sweets and occasional junk food too. However this was only in moderation.
In addition I have tried to recently encourage him to learn to clean the home. All good life skills you would think yes? I was brought up this way too. Apparently nobody else at school is learning to clean the bathroom and I am not popular with ds for teaching this. Is this true? Do parents not teach their boys to clean the home. Is this just the domain of girls? Are we still living in the dark ages?
A friend of mine with a phd and a really excellent salary has had 3 children and has not taught any of them to use the washing machine before they left home. Is she not bringing up unfit children? I was taught so many life skills as an only child I was brought up nicely and to learn manners and respect. Those days were better in my opinion. Nowadays all we get is behavioural problems with too much use of gadgets, too much junk food being available and pressure to give treats to our children and children leaving home unable to fend for themselves.
Ds's best friend learns to clean their house so I know they are decent parents. Do they just wish to perpetuate sexism and another incompetent male who is useless in a relationship and useless living on his own?
A [platonic man friend in the neighbourhood has a son in his thirties who is incapable of cooking and cleaning. I blame the parenting myself there is no excuse. My 61 year old friend will still do all his ironing for him as he is unemployed and has time. HE has taught him no life skills at all.
Am I the only normal parent left on the planet I feel in the minority here!
Other parents are putting their 10 year olds to bed at 11 pm at night on a SCHOOL DAY FFS!
Please give me feedback ladies tell me I am a fine parent and I am surrounded by more crap ones than good ones......!!
You already know that you are the best parent in the world ever and everyone else is shit. Why do you need us to tell you?
Are you being facetious ladies lol. I would just like to know how other parents find it? Are they also surrounded by crap parents or is it just me?
Surely it can't just be me it is just I feel I am in the minority.
<slow claps op>
<throws DD2 who has been up since 4.15am a
organic gingerbread man>
In all seriousness OP - yes, what you're saying sounds fine. All you can do is focus on your own DC though. None of us are perfect and we all have things we do well as parents and things we are shit at. I'm bloody good at bedtime routines and teaching kids about tolerance & empathy; but give them too many sweets and rely too much on the TV. I'm sure if you think about it there must be something you're not great at. Try not to be too harsh on others. (Although if your childminder thinks 18+ games is okay that is definitely an issue).
If you really want an answer to your question OP and didn't want to just bask in smugness, then here you go:
I think most people are really trying hard to do what they think is best for their kids but it's a bloody hard job so we do what we've got to do to make it though the day. What we need to do is support each other and not judge others because they do things differently to us.
Fwiw op, I see what you're saying
even if you sound like a sanctimonious twat
But nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes.
I've made some. I'll undoubtedly make some more. So will you.
Have a word with your childminder about your ds though. Sounds like it's that thats started you off.
I would like to know more about 'the unsavoury' ex - sounds fascinating. Do tell...
Oh -and by the way -I am a crap parent on so many fronts - my teenage kids tell me frequently because I haven't instilled in them an inner respect for me and house cleaning generally.
I have a 11 year old son. He's into sport, rather then computer games. When he plays computer games or watches films, they are all age appropriate though. I really feel the guidelines around age limits are correct. He also has chores, enjoys home cooked meals and has few sweets. Mostly we have gravitated to similar friends/families. I'm happy for mine to have treats in moderation when offered. So one slice of cake is great, three slices is not.
Many 11 year olds I know do chores. Its definitly the parents responsibility to develop a child's cooking and housework skills. It is preparation for adulthood after all. My parents did everything for me and my sisters. As an adult I had to teach myself to cook but found it overwhelming and didn't know where to start. The same with housework really.
While I agree with you to a large extent about teaching life skills, care of the home to boys as well as girls, and making sure entertainment is age appropriate, I think you come across as a bit of a grump and maybe even fuddy duddyish.
Ime the trick with having your opinions influence your children is to avoid coming across as a person whose calendar stopped in 1953. Use of the word 'nowadays' is guaranteed to make a self-respecting child run like mad in the opposite direction, no matter where they end up.
Also, no matter how much of a failure in life your ex is, please do not imply to your child that you are trying to make sure he does not turn out like his dad, when you are encouraging him to learn to clean, etc.
Lead cheerfully by example and don't be a killjoy.
Next time he's too stuffed full of sweets to the point of sickness/not eating, mention it nicely to the childminder. Such a shame to waste a good evening meal
Nothing kills the pleasure of a few sweets in moderation like someone harping on sanctimoniously about sweets in moderation...
Is the CM trying to make up for what she may see as the Big Wet Blanket Approach To Life on your part? Do you loudly parent when it comes to sugar, spoiling dinner, etc?
You haven't managed to pick a very perfect childminder though have you? Not if she's stuffing Junior with sweets and sitting him in front of GTA. You might want to address that before pearlclutching that people who are fuck all to do with you can't turn a washer on.
I'd be looking a bit closer at the 'easily led and bit of a handful' bit as well. Because everyone knows that that is Doted Mum speak. Other parents and teachers tend to translate it as badly behaved spoilt brat.
Then, once you've found a better childminder and sorted kiddo's behaviour out, he'll be hitting puberty. And my god your judging will come back and bite you on the bum. Karma is a truly wonderful thing.
Here's an unpopular view for what it is worth ...
Some kids are easier than others - for a time ... Then things change
Those parents who gloat that they are great parents because their child does x y and z end up eating humble pie during the next phase which doesn't go according to the play book
IME you get what you get - the child's behavior is 90% luck / 10% parenting skills
My aunt has three children all raised completely the same - two are law abiding members of society who volunteer and lead bake sales, and one is a double murderer in prison for life
Children are born who they are - your ability to parent them has limited bearing on who they turn out to be
As parents we can nurture and guide and provide tools - but how the child chooses to use those tools and make decisions is rarely down to our superior parenting skills and more down to nature's (often cruel) lottery
Yes I think I am a killjoy.
Yes I think I need to change the childminder. She is only £3 though whereas everybody else is £5 to £8 and I am always skint. I will have to try and find a £5 alternative ....
Yes I think parenting is a bloody hard job.
I only stepped up on the life skills recently prior to that I was doing NONE!! So I too have been a crap parent for years.....
I am a right ole' nag. I know this as I hear myself on ds's tablet and think 'Did I really sound that bad?/How does ds put up with me'.
I hear what somebody says about being spoilt. Perhaps he has had so much of my undivided attention that he thinks the world revolves around him. I certainly had to learn the hard way as an only child after years of being doted on by my extremely loving and kind parents that the world most certainly does NOT turn for me and life can be tough!
Thank you for your time and trouble ladies and the feedback yes I think I am acting a right sanctimonious ole' bag .....
And I must confess when ds was much younger I had CBeebies on all day to the point where he thought the whole world was one big cartoon and this caused him great problems at nursery and huge adjustment issues at school for 4 years. It entailed the Ed Psyche and behavioural support team. Luckily no label was given.... So good parent my arse I have been bullshit at times I can totally put my hand on my heart and confess to that.
Think I got out of bed on the wrong side but yes I am unhappy with the childminder. Ds has been swearing appallingly since this summer holiday since he was left unsupervised a lot of the childcare time playing at the local park with her son. It is a rather rough area and ds wished to fit in with the other local children by swearing endless explitives and general loutish behaviour.
Your childminder sounds
terrible a really bad fit for you. I think you will likely feel happier with things when you sort that out.
How many hours do you employ her for? Could you get a nice cheerful childcare student after hours instead? Or even a live-out au pair for a bit?
I agree there's lots of crap parenting around, lots of it
much of it in our house
Your childminder sounds dreadful. Is she registered? You really must find another one.
Restricting inappropriate games to weekends isn't really good enough, is it? If you believe they're inappropriate anyway.
Who do you hold responsible for ds being sensitive, easily led and a handful?
I can't fucking clean my house so I've no idea how to teach 2 year old DS...
<chucks a crisp packet behind the sofa>
Here's your Well Done sticker. It's got a picture of a trophy on it.
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