Seriously bad behaviour after playing with a certain child.

(13 Posts)
Bellejournee Tue 29-Sep-15 18:59:47

My son is 3, quite a bit of a handful, but overall appears to becoming a really nice boy - very loving, kind and caring. Pretty typical loud, fun loving 3 year old behaviour wise.

There's a girl in my group of mummy friends who is becoming a little bit of a problem for us. Everytime we see them, she hits, pushes, pinches etc (always is the one to provoke). Her mum (who is a good friend) does deal as best she can, but this girl is constantly doing it now (to other children too). My son (as instructed by me) has been told to shout 'no, you can't do that/hit me' and if she does it again I have said he should push her back (never hits), she will then hit back again or throw something at him (his face was cut last time) and then my son is in tears.

Today has been horrifically bad behaviour since returning from playing with the girl. Hitting me, his baby brother, throwing things, angry, aggressive...etc. Pattern is now emerging it's whenever we see this girl. She also purposely stamped on my baby sons foot today twice (I stepped in to deal with that one).

So, obviously...we will now have to avoid certain situations (3 year old even said before going to bed he doesn't want to play with her anymore)...but they will be in the same preschool class next year, and we attend pretty much every playgroup/park catch ups together.

I will speak to preschool when it's nearer the time (if needed), but any obvious advice in he meantime.

Sorry it's long. Really needed to clear my head on his one today!

CultureSucksDownWords Tue 29-Sep-15 20:54:47

It sounds like you don't want your child to see this girl, so as you've said, avoid meet ups as much as possible.

I would say though that telling your DS to push back is not the best idea. As you've described, it has escalated the situation rather than resolved it. It's also an inconsistent idea, as it's not ok for her to push, but it's ok for him to? It's confusing. Rather tell him to tell a grown up if she doesn't stop it after he's told her "no I don't like that'

Bellejournee Wed 30-Sep-15 08:05:40

Thank you. Yes, I can see that what I've said was a bad move; however, he was getting pushed/hit over and over and just crying and standing there taking it, so I did say that in the hope him doing it back would stop it, but it has escalated.

amarmai Mon 05-Oct-15 02:07:49

there are bullies in every age group and if he does not stand up for himself he will be victimised. Why should he be victimised? I am in favor of trying all the methods you have tried op. Your son has the right to defend himself.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 05-Oct-15 05:36:33

bullies in every year group?! victimised?! confused

these are 3 year olds for gods sake! whilst some of her behaviours aren't nice, they are quite normal for her developmental phase.

Leave her mum to work on it without judging her and wait for her to grow out of it. This could be your PFB next month, would you want him described as a bully?

anamari seriously?! let me guess, mother of one?!

SoDiana Mon 05-Oct-15 05:58:58

What the?
Do parents of more than one generally rear thugs?
All singletons are clearly incapable of coping with VIOLENCE.
hmm

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 05-Oct-15 06:05:01

No, parents who only have one PFB genreally don't get that sometimes toddlers at this stage I'm development behave badly at times pit of frustration, they most definitely are not bullies!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 05-Oct-15 06:05:51

and seriously, calling toddlers thugs?!shock shocking.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 05-Oct-15 06:07:45

www.babycentre.co.uk/a1040599/aggression-how-to-deal-with-hitting-and-biting

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 05-Oct-15 06:09:34

of course no one wants to see their child hurt, but calling the girl a violent bully isn't fair. she isn't being callous or intentionally mean to the OP's DS.

SoDiana Mon 05-Oct-15 06:36:35

Not sure about pfb syndrome but you put forward a strong case of 'not MY little Johnny syndrome'

WombOfOnesOwn Mon 05-Oct-15 16:58:07

Wow, encouraging a three year old boy to push a girl back if she pushes him. A+++++ parenting, no red flags here at all, no sirree.

scatterthenuns Mon 05-Oct-15 17:19:21

Hang on... you told him he could push people (the little girl) and now you're angry that he's pushing people?

You told him pushing was ok! You taught him this behaviour by condoning it!

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