Name change... Want to remain as annonymous as possible. I'm new to the forum and could really do with a rant/advice or just to feel I'm not alone.
Just some background information; I'm 25 and have a 2 1/2 year old boy, me and his father live together and I'm 31w with our second baby. I have a history of anxiety and depression but also I have a very short fuse too, especially when I'm not on my tablets. Before I fell pregnant with my first born, I had a busy job in an office which I loved, I had to give it up because childcare costs would have sucked up all my wages and we would financially be worse off.
Anyway, lately, I have felt so lonely being heavily pregnant with crippling SPD and sciatica, partner works 5 days a week and is gone 12 hours for those days he does work which I know compared to some people isn't all that much. I tend to not have so many friends as I find a lot of people are full of bullshit and I can't be arsed with the falseness of it all (maybe I'm just befriending the wrong people). My husband is the imaginative one when it comes to playing with our son, I have no sense of imagination at all. I can sit with him for however long he will tolerate and teach him new things, but when it comes to playing, I hate it (yes I feel awful for that).
Recently I haven't been able to get through a day without crying because of my sons behaviour, he doesn't nap during the day, even if he is poorly, so I get no form of respite from him at all during the day. I can't chase around after him at a park because Of the SPD and sciatica. No one can seem to be bothered to help me as my son is too much hard work. He is constantly active, constantly on the go and seems to have trouble listening to any form of instruction and an even harder time listening to the word no. I have to repeat myself about 5 times and then get really angry because he's done it anyway. He screams at the top of his lungs wherever we are if he doesn't get his own way or we have to do something he doesn't like. He tips his drink over his food and no matter how many times we tell him no he will do it anyway, so we take the drink away and all hell breaks lose. He's extremely fussy when it comes to eating so if it's not a curry or chilli con carne he won't eat it.
He slams doors, throws things, smacks things. Getting ready to go out is a complete pain in the arse if I'm on my own with him, he doesn't let me get him dressed without it being a fight or him running off into another room. Then he'll trash the place whilst im trying to get myself ready. Basically any aspect of us doing anything there is always a problem. But he's 9/10 good for his dad. I have become one of the shouty mums (only at home, not public) and I hate it. I hate the mum I've become but I don't know how it'll change once the new baby is here. I know I can go back on my meds and try to sort it out from there but that's 9w away.
Wtf am I doing having another child? I couldn't bare the thought of something happening to me and my partner and leaving my son an only child. I just find every day a constant struggle now. I feel like people don't want to see me and my son because of his behaviour and how I end up getting stressed and upset. People always say to me he's a lot of hard work and I don't know how you do it but the truth is, I am not coping at all. I do the bare minimum in a day now because I'm so stressed out. I am in this black hole but with the depression and anxiety it makes it hard to even begin to sort myself out.
Please tell me I'm not alone? I'm sorry for the long message and I hope you haven't fallen asleep reading it but I'm at my wits end.
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Behaviour/development
Pretty sure my toddler hates me
MrsP777x · 27/09/2015 08:14
Have you been to the Dr as you clearly recognise that you aren't coping and even if you can't take the same medicine as before there may be alternatives or options such as councilling to support you?
As for your sons behaviour have you spoken to your health visitor? I'm sure they can help with behaviour management strategies to make your life easier. I would suggest small steps and breaking the day down into sections of time you feel able to cope with. Focus on any positive he does and he will want to please you its just you've got into a negative cycle at the moment. Think about what he likes doing that could be a reward for getting dressed without a fuss etc. Even if its one episode of a tv show. Would you consider a preschool or nursery for his free hours when he turns 3 as might help when you have a baby to look after?
I would try and go to toddler groups so that you are out of the house your son can play and you can make some friends - I think you need a strong support network to help you. You would have to have a set of consequences at playground eg. If you hit someone you will have to say sorry and come outside for a min.
It is so tough being a full time mum your doing a good job just to get through each day so try not to put yourself down 
You poor thing 
. It sounds like you're having a really tough time, and not getting anything like the help you need - not just for yourself, but for the well-being of your family.
It sounds like you need a 2-pronged approach:
- You absolutely need to get some help. Unfortunately, things will probably get even harder when your new baby arrives, so you need to get it in place now. When you see your doctor, make sure you are very clear about how much you're struggling. I suspect you downplay it a bit, whereas health professionals are used to people exaggerating. Tell them you're unable to get out of the house, and you cry every day. Tell them you aren't coping. Before you leave your GP, you need to know what your GP is going to do to help you - and it needs to be concrete help which is going to happen now: not parenting advice, or 'see how it goes over the next few weeks and come back if it doesn't get better'.
- You need to reconnect with your DS. You say your DS does what your DH says 9/10 which is really great - it means he CAN behave nicely, and it's just that you've got into a bad cycle where you play off each other. Your DS doesn't hate you - he's 2.5 and you are everything to him. The problem is that he wants you so badly that if he can't get your positive attention and respect (which is what he wants most in the world) then he'll provoke you to shout at him - partly because he's lost face, and partly because being shouted at by you is better than nothing.
Can you try these things:
a) Add a load of playful moments into your day. I know you've said you find playing hard, but this will get easier with practice, and it only needs to be a few minutes at a time, although ideally often (maybe twice an hour). Things like tickling him (so long as he enjoys it!), beeping his nose with different honking noises, putting something on your head to make a silly hat and commenting on it, pretending not to be able to find him while he hides, pretending that you want to eat his foot (yummy, this foot looks delicious, can I eat it? Just a little nibble? Oh pleeease!). Basically, you want to make him laugh, and connect with him. This will make him feel you're on his side, and make him want to cooperate with you. (If you think about it, evolutionarily it makes sense for toddlers only to cooperate with adults if they believe the adult has their best interests at heart)
b) Try to find ways for him to do whatever it is he wants (eg leave extra time to look at things on a walk, or replace a breakable glass with a plastic one when he wants to help wash up). Then when you really need him to give up what he wants, you've got a stock of good will.
c) Even so, when he needs to do as you say, it helps to start by genuinely acknowledging his feelings and make him feel you're on his side before asking him to cooperate. Eg (kneeling down to his level, and looking sypathetic) 'You're having so much fun running around, you really don't want to get dressed. You love your pyjamas! And you are super-fast running in them, just like a superhero!' Then once he starts looking at you 'But we're going out to the shop now! And we have to get dressed in outdoor clothes. We wear different clothes during the day. Which trousers do you want, these ones or these ones?'. It probably won't work straight away, but it will almost certainly make things a bit calmer, and start things going in another direction.
d) When he does what you ask, remember to praise him sincerely, and give him a hug or a loving touch.
Wishing you really well.
That's fantastic, MrsP! I'm so glad that you're feeling able to act and improve things! Wishing you strength, health and happiness. 
Sounds like you've got it nailed Op but I just came on too say I could've written your op almost word for word and I've realised that a lot of DDs moodiness is a reaction to My mood - kids are like emotional barometers, and she was/is quite often more aware of my state of mind than me! Now when I'm feeling down or anxious I make an effort to do something particularly positive or distracting with her and like you've found it really works (most of the time - she's still 2, after all, and I'm still quite a stressy moo by nature!)! Good luck... 
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