Name change... Want to remain as annonymous as possible. I'm new to the forum and could really do with a rant/advice or just to feel I'm not alone.
Just some background information; I'm 25 and have a 2 1/2 year old boy, me and his father live together and I'm 31w with our second baby. I have a history of anxiety and depression but also I have a very short fuse too, especially when I'm not on my tablets. Before I fell pregnant with my first born, I had a busy job in an office which I loved, I had to give it up because childcare costs would have sucked up all my wages and we would financially be worse off.
Anyway, lately, I have felt so lonely being heavily pregnant with crippling SPD and sciatica, partner works 5 days a week and is gone 12 hours for those days he does work which I know compared to some people isn't all that much. I tend to not have so many friends as I find a lot of people are full of bullshit and I can't be arsed with the falseness of it all (maybe I'm just befriending the wrong people). My husband is the imaginative one when it comes to playing with our son, I have no sense of imagination at all. I can sit with him for however long he will tolerate and teach him new things, but when it comes to playing, I hate it (yes I feel awful for that).
Recently I haven't been able to get through a day without crying because of my sons behaviour, he doesn't nap during the day, even if he is poorly, so I get no form of respite from him at all during the day. I can't chase around after him at a park because Of the SPD and sciatica. No one can seem to be bothered to help me as my son is too much hard work. He is constantly active, constantly on the go and seems to have trouble listening to any form of instruction and an even harder time listening to the word no. I have to repeat myself about 5 times and then get really angry because he's done it anyway. He screams at the top of his lungs wherever we are if he doesn't get his own way or we have to do something he doesn't like. He tips his drink over his food and no matter how many times we tell him no he will do it anyway, so we take the drink away and all hell breaks lose. He's extremely fussy when it comes to eating so if it's not a curry or chilli con carne he won't eat it.
He slams doors, throws things, smacks things. Getting ready to go out is a complete pain in the arse if I'm on my own with him, he doesn't let me get him dressed without it being a fight or him running off into another room. Then he'll trash the place whilst im trying to get myself ready. Basically any aspect of us doing anything there is always a problem. But he's 9/10 good for his dad. I have become one of the shouty mums (only at home, not public) and I hate it. I hate the mum I've become but I don't know how it'll change once the new baby is here. I know I can go back on my meds and try to sort it out from there but that's 9w away.
Wtf am I doing having another child? I couldn't bare the thought of something happening to me and my partner and leaving my son an only child. I just find every day a constant struggle now. I feel like people don't want to see me and my son because of his behaviour and how I end up getting stressed and upset. People always say to me he's a lot of hard work and I don't know how you do it but the truth is, I am not coping at all. I do the bare minimum in a day now because I'm so stressed out. I am in this black hole but with the depression and anxiety it makes it hard to even begin to sort myself out.
Please tell me I'm not alone? I'm sorry for the long message and I hope you haven't fallen asleep reading it but I'm at my wits end.
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Behaviour/development
Pretty sure my toddler hates me
22 replies
MrsP777x · 27/09/2015 08:14
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