3yo is he just naughty or could it be something more?!

[taz89]

Hi, i'm after some advice please as i'm at my wits end with my 3 year old boy.

I'm not one to admit defeat but i've come to the stage now where I don't now what to do or how to handle his behaviour!

This could be a long post so i'll apologise in advance.

Basically I have a 5 year old little girl and 3 year old boy.
My little boy is just constantly on the go and can't sit still, he's deliberately naughty (or so it seems) and has no sense of danger at all! I know people say not to compare children as they are all different, however my lb is sooooo much different to my lg, even compared to other children his age (or so it seems to me and his dad).

I'll give a list of things he does on a daily basis and things he's done lately:

Will not ever sit still, even to eat food. - He has to fidget or get up and down from the table, he will go from standing to sitting on his chair constantly, along side the getting up and down and fidgeting, i'm constantly having to ask him to eat his food.

From the moment he gets up til when he goes to bed he seems to be on a constant rampage and on the go, he exhausts his sister and she's quite active!

At bed time 9/10 times he refuses to sleep and it can take anywhere up to 4 hours after being put to bed before he actually falls asleep... in this time he's caused havoc in his room or bathroom such as blocking the sink, wasting a whole tube of toothpaste etc - He has a babygate on his bedroom door but he can open it, we've tried several different ones and he can open them all.

He has constant tantrums if we say no to something or ask him to wait - He can't wait at all! not even 2 mins!

He is quite aggressive to his sister if he doesn't get his own way, when and how he wants it, he cannot wait his turn and if asked to he lashes out at his sister.

When we are out and about I have to have my eyes on his constantly and hold on to him for dear life, he has no sense of danger - Getting out the car in a car park and he has no issue with dashing straight across the road without any concern for cars etc He will dash away from me in suupermarkets and touch EVERYTHING! There's been several times he has broken things. He constantly climbs even when asked not too, he constantly messes around on stairs - he fell down them a couple of months ago and had to have stitches in his head from it - he hasn't learnt, He still messes about on them and I must tell him 100 times a day to get off the stairs and stop messing about etc.

The past few weeks he has been waking up even earlier than normal and sneaking so quietly downstairs and raiding our kitchen cupboards (he is using toys to climb to get to the over head cuupboards)!! emptying the cupboards of food into bowls, filling it with everything he can find including milk and just wasting it. He has spilt cooking oil all over my carpet twice and also all over kitchen floor and worktops. My lg woke me at 4am one morning to tell me he was downstairs, i've gone down and he had the oven and stove on!! I dread to think what could have happened if she hadn't woke me!

He put buubbles in his sisters fishtank when he was in time out, so i've cleaned it out and had the fish in a bucket whilst doing the tank. He's fished two fish out and put them in a sock and just left them on the flloor, I was only in bathroom filling a bucket of water so was literally gone two minutes so managed to save them, when i asked him why he did it he just said because I wanted to and laughed

This is just some of the things he does and both me and hubby are at our wits end. We've tried praising good behaviour like over praising that doesn't work, we've tried getting down to his level and speaking softly to him and he just won't pay attention or laughs at us, we've shouted at him, we've tried time out and nothing is working. I'm going to buy some locks for the doors downstairs so that he can't get anywhere near kitchen, but I don't know what to do about his behaviour in general?!

To us it seems worse than other 3 year olds we know.

We play as much as possible with him and constantly give him things to engage with or do but after a minute or two he's lost interest and is running ragged around the house again!

Does anyone have any advice?! I'm totally exhausted and just feel like crying.

[roomonamop]

I would speak to your gp. It could be that he is pushing boundaries or maybe you are not consistent enough. It will require both you and ds to address his behaviour in the same way.
I had concerns that my son was showing traits of aspergers and am having him assessed. If you feel something isn't right, you are probably correct. He is still v young, and the sooner you get help the better for all of you.

[taz89]

Thank you, we are being as consistent as possible. I just worry that by going to the GP i'd possibly be wasting their time! :-(

[cluelessnchaos]

What you describe could be a wild little boy or it could be something more, from my experience everyone is wary of diagnosing too early as pre school behaviour can mask and mirror developmental delays. If you are worried speak to your gp and health visitor.

Does he go to nursery? Is he the same there? Often that is the marker. Acting up wild kids act up more for mum and dad

[Scoobydoo8]

Is there a reason he could be attention seeking - do other adults unwittingly compare him to his DSis? Can you separate them for a bit and make a point of praising him (he sounds clever to me as well as naughty), find something he might be good at, some sporty thing maybe.
Once you are in a spiral of naughtiness it's hard to see any good points. It sounds deliberate so not something he is incapable of controlling which is why I wonder if it's extreme attention seeking. If one of mine had got up and raided the fridge the other would have joined in. Here the other is always the sensible goody who tells M and Dad.

[taz89]

I have a health visitor ringing to Arrange an appointment next week to speak to me and meet him. Will see how that goes, have spoken to his key worker at preschool and she has said he is always on the go there but not naughty in particular. She does have concerns about his speech as its really not great and hasn't inproved at all over the school holidays and has actually started stuttering at times (I just thought that was due to him getting too excited) but she is going to monitor all aspects carefully over next few weeks to give me an accurate report

[taz89]

Don't get me wrong his sister does join in but I sat her down and explained the dangers of some of it which is why she is now telling me (some things) I'm unaware of a reason he could be deliberately attention seeking but will look into things and see if there could be something I'm overlooking. Thanks all for replies

[Scoobydoo8]

Sounds like you are doing everything right - you come across some DPs who happily list their DCs failings/bad behavior within their hearing, and then wonder why they play up, but that's not you!

[taz89]

I do wonder if there's something I'm doing or not doing which isn't helping the situation but I've exhausted everything me and hubby can think of! I'm just emotionally and physically drained ATM and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Will have to wait and see what preschool report back to me and see what the health visitor suggests when she comes round.

[Bananasinpyjamas1]

If it helps my oldest boy (now 13) was very similar - and is now the most lovely, polite, happy boy - but yes he still finds it difficult to be organised and control his endless energy and emotions.

Since he was a baby he was constantly on the go. He would only sit for TV or very briefly food, and even then his legs were going! He was probably hyperactive but never diagnosed.

I found that for a while it was really TOUGH, like you, but I tried to give him really consistent structure and put him to bed later so that he was very tired. It did work! It is exhausting. I don't know what the HV will say but some kids are wild ones, my son had no sense of danger either. I just minimised dangerous situtations/very clear about rules (even if he kicked and screamed for an hour)/had alternate days where we had lots of activities and where I just followed his lead and did more relaxing things. Good luck!

[taz89]

Thank you bananasinpajamas! It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a little one who's a handful! Makes me feel a bit more normal I guess! It's the looks from other people when out and about that don't help ???? thanks everyone for advice it's much appreciated x

[roomonamop]

What is his diet like and does he does ough activities to burn off energy? I find my son is so much calmer after doing something that uses up a lot of energy. Also, what activities or toys does he enjoy? Eg my son absolutely adores building train tracks and that takes up a fair bit of his time. How much screen time? I really hope you get the help you need. Pursue with gp if hv turns out to be a waste of time.
Rather than deliberate, i wonder if some of his behaviour is poor impulse control.
As his speech is delayed, get a full hearing check done asap.
My son was a handful but he had a need to be constantly occupied. What appeared to others as naughty, was/is, I feel his need to explore as he is so curious. He doesn't know when to stop sometimes but we are firm.
Have you looked into fish oil supplements? They calmed my son down for sure.
Keep us updated.

[taz89]

Hi roomonamop, his diet is fairly varied/ He's quite good on his food and tends to prefer healthier food to unhealthy. He does occassionally have sweets or chocolate but thats normally when hes given it by grandparents! he does enjoy rough play, probably too much lol his only real favourite toy is his teddy which goes absolutely everywhere with him. He does enjoy cars and trains too but within a couple of minutes of playing with them hes bored and on to the next thing. I can't seem to keep his attention on anything for more than a few minutes, even at the park he's bored after half hour and asking to come home.
Tv wise, he hardly watches it! I really wish he did watch more so that he would just sit down (that sounds awful doesn't it)?!
Will look into a hearing test. Hadn't looked into fish oil supplements and tbh don't really know alot about that so will look into that also.
His keyworker at pre school has said they will monitor him closely and write a detailed report to give to the health visitor, she will also speak to their senco and see if she feels he needs referring or something??

[roomonamop]

Three is known to be a tough age and so it could it that. However, have you read up on adhd/add (don't mean to alarm you). Also, there was a recent programme on channel 4 called born naughty (or something like that). Maybe some of the cases will resonate.
I give my son Vegepa fish oil. Noticed a difference within a week. DS was much calmer and seemed to listen more.
Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Don't be fobbed off and go to gp if you have to. Keep calling for hv for updates.

[AWafferthinmint]

This sounds like my 3yo DS. He is constantly on the go, it is EXHAUSTING. The only thing that works is to get him out and about as much as possible, come rain or shine.He starts preschool on Monday so I'm hoping that will stimulate him too. Fingers crossed.