I'm shaking and crying. DS's teacher says they think he has attachment disorder

[clumsymum]

DS is having all sorts of behaviour difficulties at school, and we have an IEP in place, and on-going detailed discussions about how to improve his behaviour.

He is a VERY bright little boy, and I have been looking at information on gifted children. We can tick several of the boxes for features common to gifted children, including disruptive behaviour at school.

I mentioned this to his teacher this morning (she was explaining a change to his star chart system). She was dismissive, and said they were rather inclined towards the Attachment Disorder theory.
So I came home and googled attachment disorder. I got this site .

Now I admit, looking at the symptoms that we can tick 3 boxes (and only those three).

?Intense control battles, very bossy and argumentative; defiance and anger

?Manipulative - superficially charming and engaging

?Poor peer relationships

But NONE of the others (especially the ones about Learning lags/delays and Speech and language problems).

The reason I am SOOOOO devastated is this.
?Parents appear hostile and angry
?The child was neglected and/or physically abused in the first three years of life


This syndrome is apparently associated with children who were uncared for as babies. The case study given on the website is of a child who was adopted from a Romanian Orphanage.MY CHILD WAS NURTURED BY DH AND I FROM THE FIRST MINUTE OF HIS LIFE.

I don't know what to say when I collect ds from school today. I KNOW this theory is wrong. I don't know what they think of me.

My gut instinct is to remove this child from this teacher immediately.

Help.

[jabberwocky]

I can see why you would be upset! I would take some time to discuss it with your dh, perhaps talk with your ds about how he feels towards his teacher, class, etc. and then see if you think he should change teachers/schools. Most times our gut instinct is correct, but make sure you don't act on a kneejerk emotional reaction, either, IYKWIM.

[YeahBut]

{{{{{hug}}}}}
Hearing a teacher say that your baby isn't perfect is very upsetting, indeed threatening. I can fully sympathise as we had this with dd1.
Please try to bear in mind that they are not saying these things to upset you, they have the interests of your child at heart. His teacher would not be doing her job if she did not report her concerns. The best thing to do is to work with her, the school and any other professionals to try and reach some kind of conclusions about your son. Only then will he get the appropriate support. Taking him away is likely to delay the process rather than help him.

[PinkTinsel]

bollocks! my best friend works with kids who have attachment didorder and it's alot more than being a bit disruptive trust me! these kids threatent to kill her and her family on a regular basis, one of the older ones stabbed his teacher a few years ago and they come from abusive fucked up homes, many have the disorder as part of feotal alcohol syndrome. all of them live with foster families as they're parents aren't in the picture.

the teacher is obviously using the label without knowing anything about the disorder. print out that webpage and bring it in to her and confront her. ask her does she still believe that describes your son. and whichever answer she gives i'd seriously condider moving you son to a differant school as teachers like that cannot possibly be giving him the support he needs.

so on your behalf.

[PinkTinsel]

sorry for the appalling typing, ds is aslepp on my arm and i forgot to spell check

[northerner]

This is rubbish. This teacher ovb has no experience of true attatchment disorder, just how qualified is she to make this sort of diagnosis FFS?

I would have serious words withe her. She is incorrectly labelling your child and rightly so you feel shit as you know your son is not unlove/abandoned/abused etc.

I am cross for you, really. Don't remove him, but make it known to the Head Teacher that this woman is talking out of her arse.

[BudaBeast]

And how is she qualified to judge? She is a teacher - not a child pyschologist.

Agree with printing off the info and asking just why she feel qualified to "label" your son in this way.

Not surprised you are so upset.

[7up]

ask your doctor,dont listen to the teacher.

when my ds was 4 his teacher said he had a "syndrome" because he couldnt tell his colors apart,was very clingy to me and didnt know his shapes! load of crap, i got in a panic and in the end ds was absolutely fine. iknow its totally different to your so called disorder but ignore and go and see your doc.

good luck

[mumatuks]

you poor love, and what a load of crap this so called teacher is spouting. If it were me, I'd go straight over her now and go to the headteacher. I only hope you get some sense out of him/her.
Take in the info you have, like you put on here, as well as a list of questions. You say the teacher was saying "they were inclined" Who is they exactly? Have there been meetings about your DS?
If you get no joy, I'd be seriously looking at another schooling option.

[pollypeachum]

I completely agree with all of this and, like northerner, would take it up with the Head as well.

[littlemissbossy]

clumsymum, I'd make an appointment to see the head and ask how they this teacher has come to this conclusion. Attachment disorder is usually associated with children who have suffered in some way in the first three years of their life and so find relationships and communication difficult, as a result they often appear angry and hostile. It does not necessarily have to be through neglect, children who have been adopted or had a bereavement can suffer from AD but it is generally linked to children who have not bonded with their primary carer in their early years (or so I understand).

[Saturn74]

It sounds like the teacher made a very misguided and ill-informed comment in response to your enquiry.

It is certainly worth speaking to the headteacher about this, as it appears that the teacher has been unprofessional, and you have clearly been very upset.

[Piffle]

" they" who are "they"
it takes an awful lot of intervention to diagnose attachment disorder FFS and I'd be surprised if anyone at school level could even internet diagnose it.
I'm with your gut instinct
But first ask for ed psych referral and full SENCO /paediatric involvement.

[Enid]

god you poor thing

how insenstive and nasty of her

I would move him

[mummydoc]

clumsymum this is appalling for several reasons

1. she is not specialised in this area ( we presume) and therefore has no qualification to make such a diagnosis
   
   
2. she referred to they - who exactly is she referring and i woudl eb asking who else has been involved in coming up withsuch alabel - and if your DS has been assessed/discussed etc i would be furious you weren't consulted and you permission asked first
   
   
3. she is labelling a child ( how old is your ds) so early and that is proven to be detrimental to educational developement. i agree kids with educational needs sometimes only get the help they need/deserve when labelled but conversely kids loose out if labelled in the system when infact the diagnosis is wrong.
   
   it really makes my blood boil when so called proffesionals start sprouting pseudo-c**p such " your child has attatchment disorder" when quite clearly this teacher hasn't a clue what it is. I have worked with kids wiht it....it is extreamly unlikely your boy has it....i would go to the head and demand a meeting with him, the teacher and anyone else they have involved ( with or without you ) good luck

[clumsymum]

Right I've had a long talk with my sister (who knows a bit about these things, has an adopted daughter who may have Attachment disorder, also she works in a special needs college, and sits on an adoption panel).

She has told me to Calmly make a complaint to the head teacher about this.

So I've rung, and I'm expecting a call back from her after assembly. Oh, I've got to be calm and reasonacble (because parents of children with AD are hostile and angry, apparently).

School had called in an ED Psych to observe DS, this happened apparently on Wednesday. I don't know whether this off the cuff assessment has come from the psych, or is teachers own viewpoint.

I've still got butterflies in my stomach.

[Overrunnerbean]

If I were you, I would ask for a meeting with your sons teacher, head teacher and you and your dh.
Bring the webb site information in. All I can go on is your post, and from that it does sound like the teacher is using phrases that she might not fully understand. This is weird in itself, as you would think training would cover these kinds of behavioural problems, and also how to talk to parents!
I would be worried about my ds being labelled.
The one thing I would say is, for her to make this remark, shows that communication has broken down (hence the need for the meeting). You need to think about hand on heart, whether you are taking on board their concerns about his behaviour, and not blaming the school saying "its because he is gifted" I am not saying that this is not the case, but can see why this would give you a bad reputation. If you are perceived as some one who has rose tinted glasses where their child is, iyswim

[NAB3]

That is so upsetting for you. I really hope you get to see the Head today so you don't have this hanging over you all weekend. It is so hard to let your children go (as in hand over to someone else at school) but I sometimes feel that teachers don't always get how difficult it is for some parents. And then to hit you with this??? I hope it all works out okay for you.

[WhizzBangCaligula]

I would make a formal complaint about this. She's straying well outside her remit - it's not her job to be diagnosing attachment disorder (or anything ele). What's she going to diagnose next in another pupil?

Extraordinary. Really. What do they teach them in teacher training college nowadays.

[clumsymum]

Yes Overrunnerbean I AM taking on board their concerns. I have attended meetings to set the IEP, I am working with them on his 'star chart' to reward star targets being reached, and apply suitable sanctions at home when behaviour goes too far awry. I talk to his teaching assistant every day (she was away this morning, hence my discussion with the class teacher).

I am BTW a parent governor, and would feel VERY concerned if this had happened to another parent.

I also need to say that part of my concern comes from my circumstances. I am a disabled parent (mobility difficulties), and I am concerned if his teacher or the ed psych believe that I was unable to care for my son when he was a baby (in other words are making presumptions). I can't voice that as a concern though, unless they say something outright.

[Overrunnerbean]

Clumsymum, I can see that you are really trying to work with them, so it seems even more outrageous what she said.
If you think that your disability is being used against you in this way, I would certainly take action. Demand a meeting, and get this sorted out.
It feels like you and your son are being labelled, which must be very distressing. Let us know what they say. I suspect that the teacher will get into hot water for this. If this is the schools line on your ds, then you might have to move schools and not just teachers. Good luck.

[Zofloyya]

Clumsymum, I think you're right that you shouldn't express your anxieties about their possibly prejudiced attitude towards your disability. BUT you can push them to disclose that, if it's in their minds. Do that by asking them to provide evidence for every single possible diagnostic criterion. Don't let them get away with being impressionistic or referring things back to you, insist that they refer to at least one incident (or whatever) for every point.

You might want to look at this description , which comes from a more 'official' site than the one you linked to - so it isn't just one random person's opinion. NB 'A child should never be given this label or diagnosis without a comprehensive evaluation'! This page might also be helpful, because of its insistence that 10 other disorders must be systematically assessed for and excluded before a diagnosis of attachement disorder can be confidently arrived it. Don't suppose your son's teacher has done that...

[MaLady]

Clumsymum,

You need to put all of this in writing asap. We went through similar thing 7 years ago with ds, who is now very happy and an A gifted pupil at secondary level. He also was exceptionally bright. We went round and round in circles with ds school with meetings and putting him on special needs reg for taking up so much of teacher's time. They even tricked us into whole family counselling on school premises saying it was a meeting to talk to someone who knows all about our situation. We also are a really loving and caring full time family. Stop! Before you go any further down their road, please* write it all down including the bit about your shock over his teacher's attitude and what she's said to you esp the attatchment disorder thing. Is it poss that your child has to be more well behaved than average at home because of your disability? I only ask because I think the reason my child behaved badly at school was a combination of boredom (as so exceptionally bright) and also 'letting out' at school as he was so good at home as we had lost a child and were expecting and then had a young baby at the time this all went on. When I started writing letters, that's when the school starting listening and behaving properly. Keep it all via email or letter and keep copies.

I really wish you good luck with this, have you the support of family and friends?

[clumsymum]

Thank you very much Zofloyya for that information. I can see that I am going to need an armoury for the road ahead.

[AitchTwoOh]

is it really okay for a school to call in a child psychologist without the permission of or at least prior warning to the parents? that does surprise me.

[LadyOfThePoinsettias]

i cant believe they called a specialist in to observe him without telling you! i would be fuming!