Is it me, am I an awful parent?

[Sess01]

My three year old is mad

From wake up to night he is horrendous. He cries, screams, hits me, kicks me. He has even started hitting his sister and our two dogs.

Earlier my GSD was sleeping behind the sofa, my son blocked him. My GSD was going mad with panic. I had to move the sofa out to free the poor dog. They are SO good but they are dogs and like humans I worry they will snap.

He kicks off about anything. Genuinely I am scared of what I can say to him before he loses it.

He has currently been crying for 5hrs despite me distracting him, putting him on the naughty step, talking to him. He tried to stand on his sisters head and I felt like I snapped. My heart went mad, I got him off before he did it, but he was going with such force towards her I was terrified.

I actually feel like he needs to be kept separate from everyone else because he is so violent and loud.

Did I do this? I'm not like this? I feel like I've failed and now I just want to cry.

Help...please?!

[IPokeBadgers]

I have nothing useful to say, just offering a hand to hold until someone who knows what they are talking about comes along and can advise you

[Newtobecomingamum]

Hi,

Has anything happened to trigger this behaviour? House move, change in routine, moved up groups in nursery?

When did this behaviour start?

Sounds a really difficult time x

[Sess01]

Nothing at all has changed in his life. His sister is 4 months old. The bahviour genuinely started to get this bad since his cousins stayed with us last week. I refuse to have them because the oldest is so naughty but I had them as their parents were desperate.

I don't want to pass the blame. I can't believe two days with his cousin has made him like this.

Prior to this it was just the odd toddler tantrum x

[Sgtmajormummy]

This is non-professional advice, so feel free to disregard it, but in my opinion:

1. You need a place for him to be, like a play area in the sitting room with safe but interesting toys and maybe a cushion and blanket, that he cannot get out of. This is where he goes to cool down if he misbehaves or has a crying session. When you put him there you say in a non-judgmental way. "When you're a happy boy you can come and have fun with the rest of the family." This will give you and him a safe break from each other and lessen any tension. He may even grow to like it as his own " comfort zone".
   
2. You have a 4mo baby who will need a lot of time and attention. He's probably reacting to that, but she deserves to be taken care of just as much as him. A safe zone for him will give you peace of mind.
   
3. Kicking, screaming and crying (and biting!) are pretty normal at his age. They get so frustrated at not being able to express themselves. Try to talk through with him why he's angry (he's likely to say "NO" to everything, though!) and give him a chance to express himself in ways that aren't physically violent.
   

I'll stand back now and wait for MN to shoot me down in flames!

[Sess01]

No the play pen idea sounds great. I tend to sit him on the bottom of the stairs but he screams beyond that.

I've stopped him going to see his Nan tonight because I just can't believe it. IVs given him chance after chance and now he has to see the consequences.

I'll try and find somewhere he can go. Is his bedroom a good idea or will that cause issues? We just don't have a very big house


Thank you so much. X

[Sgtmajormummy]

Hello again, OP. I hope things are going alright today.

About the playpen idea. If you can, try to make it part of the downstairs family area, or he might start thinking that going to bed is a bad thing...
On the other hand if he loves his bedroom and it's safe, a child gate would be easy to fit and you could keep an eye on him that way. Closed doors give a bad message, I think.

Good luck, and we'll see if anyone else can give you some advice.