I can't do this anymore...

[Flamesparrow]

She keeps picking him up...

and dropping him.

He's a baby fgs and he's gonna end up with a serious accident soon, if he isn't already with the amount of head bashes he has (a combination of falling over and her dropping him).

I've tried calm reasoning, I've tried punishing, I've now tried yelling and throwing her in her room for the forseeable future.

He's howling if he's not touching me, I finally convinced him to play on the floor for 5 mins so I could have some space, and she does that so now he needs me again.

We've got fck all money or food and its christmas.

I know I keep whinging on here and I'm sorry, but its that or just walk away from my life right now.

(Please can we have a new section for "Just plain fcked off"???)

[satine]

So sorry to hear you're having such a shite time. I hate those days where you feel as though you could chuck them out for good and your throat hurts from yelling. Wish I could help.

[MrsDoolittle]

Flame your post could be mine.
I can't seem to reason with her atall. Dd is 2.5 and she just cannot resist picking him up. I end up yelling "Please leave him alone, you'll hurt him!!"
"NO" she syas back.

Why, why, why, why???????

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

Sorry to hear this Flamesparrow, it sounds bloody horrendous . I'm having the mother of all shit days with my two little demons too, I would have stuck my head in the oven an hour ago if it wasn't kapputt.

And it's crap being broke at Christmas.

[Flamesparrow]

Now DD is sobbing because she desperately wants my attention and I just can't do it.

I'm a crap mother and they deserve better.

[Ruth2808]

Oh hon I have had many days like yours the only thing that I have found that helps is to make sure they are safe somewhere and then go into my room and scream into a few pillows for 5 minutes. I don't know whether thats helpful at all. If not possible then have a [hug] from a mum who also wishes sometimes I could just get into my car and drive away.

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

I don't believe you're a crap mother. You've never come across as a crap mother. You're a normal mother, having a crap day. They don't deserve better at all, they deserve you, you're their mum and they love you.

I know how you feel, I really do, I have a similar thread today, I have been sitting here in tears trying not to entertain thoughts of multiple infanticide.

The odd shit day doesn't make a crap mother. At least, I hope it doesn't!

[mummyhill]

Flame have a hug ((((flamesparrow)))).

Is it something going round atm? My 2 are driving me up the wall money is tight as well. I can't say or do anything right atm either.

[Peridot30]

I've got two little monsters too but all the good days make up for the many many bad days....i think!

A happy mummy =happy children. If you are having a crap day then so are the kids.

Could you all not all 'play' together so that both kids are getting entertained and having your attention.

I always remember the song "things can only get better" especially if having a really crap day.

[Flamesparrow]

She's now in her room for the forseeable future - bouncing on sofa and then pinching DS (NEVER done that before) was the last straw.

Yes, I should have been playing with her but right now I can't focus on anything.

It sounds like she's destroying her room.

[candide]

Not sure how old your two are but I had days like this with DD & DS - age gap 23mnths. One day ended up sitting in kitchen holding DD while DS ran around screaming and throwing brio engines at my head.

Sometimes I did just shut DS in room & DD in cot and sat in loo for 5 mins. Other days I found that sticking them in double buggy and going for long walk helped - once they both fell asleep and I had a cup of coffee in Sainsbury's - a peak of bliss.

Just hang in there - you are doing fine. It does get better - now (2yrs on) I can pack them off to their bedrooms and they play together while I laze about drinking coffee at home.

[earlgrey]

FS, you're not crap, you're NORMAL!!!!

I too don't know how old your children are. Mine are 14 months apart and in those good old days do you know what I had to resort to to?

Putting a cot in the living room - yes, the living room - with a baby (forget what they're called but those things you strap your baby into which allows them to sit uprightish) thing in it. To protect her from dd1.

I know it's hard and there were days when I thought I was the crappiest mum ever. Are you brave enough to talk to your HV about it? I wasn't.

Try not to beat yourself up about it and have a virtual hug. Seems hard to believe now, but it does get better (in a different sort of way)

XXXX

[flamesparrow]

Thank you all. I am feeling much brighter this morning (although we've only been up 45 mins ). I hadn't realised in my rant that I never put their ages - they are 3.5 and 8 months.

[earlgrey]

FS, that's even harder! At least dd1 was toddling, unable to pick up dd2 but able to tramp all over her.

Glad you're feeling a bit better. Horrible days come but nice ones do, too. xx

[Peridot30]

If your having a good day im sure kids will be good today too. Ive noticed that when im having bad day so do kids - unfortunately.

Glad your having a better day.

[flamesparrow]

It all went downhill DD ended up with quite a bit of "quiet time" in her room... but I think she enjoyed it because when she came out and DS went to sleep she played nicely doing puzzles with me

[TyrNannyOgg]

You have an almost identical age gap to me, with almost identical ages! I have 3.6 yo ds, and 7 month old ds.

Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time sorting ds1's of-the-wall behaviour, that I hardly seem to touch ds2 except to feed him and change his bum! I can barely keep eye contact with the poor baby for 5 seconds when I am interupted by "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy, look! Look, Mummy! Mummy! Mummy you not lis'ning to me! Mummy!" Ds2 is in a baby walker, and today, when he bumped ds1 with it, ds1 hit him on the head with a board book. I have tried keeping baby in the kitchen with me, but then ds2 follows me in, and stands under my feet going !Mummy! mUMMY! MUMMY!"

So yes, I really do kbnow how you feel. Sometimes all I seem to say for hours at a time is "Please don't poke him, he is asleep. Leave him alone, ghe is asleep. Put his dummy back in his mouth, he wants it back. Take the blanket off his head please."

Not very positive parenting but sometimes, on the really bad days, it's that or screaming obscenities.

[TyrNannyOgg]

I make it sound like ds1 gets no attention, he gets loads, but the second he is not surrounded by a ring of adoring eyes, he kicks off! LOL

[pointydog]

Having a toddler and a baby drove me round the twist. And you remind me of that, flamesparrpw. It can be hellish and this is a dark closed-in time of year. You're not crap - it's normal to feel like that for a lot of people.

[kittywits]

Poor you flamesparrow
You're not a crap mum, if you were you wouldn't give a toss or even notice there were problems to sort out and you wouldn't be posting on here !!

It's so hard with a baby and older children. The older ones always have issues and it is very hard to stretch yourself always. I've been where you are now and it's very, very upsetting.

I was reading somewhere recently about how wwe do infact give alot of attention to the perpetrator of the crime, telling off, yelling etc, I've certainly always done that.
The book said that when a child is hurt by another then the attention should be focused soley on the injured child not on the guilty party. It has actually really worked.
My baby doesn't know she's been given attention for being bullied, she's only 10 months but the 3 year old is shocked when I ignore her, pick the baby up, lavish attention on her and talk about what has been done to her, how it was bad and hurtful etc.
I do this without refering directly to my 3 year old, She has had the wind taken out of her sails in this respect and now that she doesn't get attention from me, good or bad for doing this and sees the baby getting it she's has deifinitely reduced the number of 'attacks'.
I can then chose to "catch her being good" and give her attention for that, so she knows that there are other, more positive ways of interacting with me.

It might be worth giving it a go. Hope this helps, best of luck and keep your chin up

[flamesparrow]

pmsl TNO This afternoon "Take the blanket OFF his head - he is crying because he doesn't like it!"

"No, he just tending to be scared of monster Bonnyn"

[flamesparrow]

I like that idea KW - I do that kind of thing at dinner time with trying to encourage DD to eat... me n DS have a nice chat about how well he's eating, and she gets all competitive

[LadyMacbeth]

Well I'm at my wit's end with my two - a 2.8 and 1 year old. Feel like the world's crappest mum. Throat hurts from shouting, need space. Being woken at five every morning, as well as repeatedly during the night. They've both been ill this week and are foul. DH and I bickering due to lack of sleep and space. And my hair looks crap. Sorry to hijack your thread FS, just want to reassure you that you are so not alone.

[shrub]

Have just gone through this with ds2 and ds3. found this fantistic book recommended on mumsnet called 'siblings without rivalry' by faber mazlish, they also have a website try google faber mazlish. basically it focuses on what they can do rather than what they can't. so it might be that you could try showing your daughter what your baby does like, make a cuddle time for them both and lots of praise when she holds him gently or strokes him/gives him a massage/reads a story/sings a song/brushes his hair saying how much he likes it and loves her. the other big breakthrough was getting ds2 involved as much as possible so depending on age of your daughter you could ask her advice - when baby is crying what do you think he wants/needs? and following through with her ideas. you could let her help you bath or nappy change him. let her think she has some real responsibility for him by suggesting that if the baby is still crying he must be waiting for his big sisters help etc.
the book was invaluable to me, it was like learning a new language but it definately worked
another idea is a star chart, being specific ie. 'being kind to xxxx' and an agreed incentive before she starts so she knows what she is aiming for, then if you are having a wobbly day with her instead of threatening to take stars away you could remind her by saying 'i really want to give you another star on your chart but i'm waiting for you to help your brother'
really feel for you its so hard and when you have had no sleep its just sheer torture.
hope you have better day tomorrow x

[shrub]

found link for you - the website is american and the the authors look a little scarey in the photograph but don't let that put you off!
siblings without rivalry