5 yr old being so mean to cousin

[becknnico]

My boy is 5. He's very smart, and sweet. We struggle with some normal things but for the last year he has been so hurtful to his 4yr old cousin who is like a brother to him. I used to believe it was a 'big brother' kind of control thing but now its becoming a problem. Especially because his cousin has the most giving and selfless nature about him and really admired my son. My son is also starting to think he's a bad kid even though we are very persistent about addressing the behavior itself and teaching him his choices are not inherant and can always be changed for good. Sometimes he is sweet to him but its getting to be about 40% of the time he's putting himself first, not considering his cousins feelings and intentionally saying hurtful things. He doesn't really so this with other friends either and considers his couz his nest buddy. Any help on curbing this would be so appreciated

[MrsNextDoor]

Some more information on exactly what your son is doing and saying to his cousin would help.

5 is very small still so some "mean" behaviour is normal...

[BarbarianMum]

If he's putting himself first 40% of the time that means he's putting someone else first 60% of the time. That's pretty impressive in a 5 year old. What you are describing sounds like a typical sibling relationship. If it isn't then maybe he could do with spending more time with friends and less with his cousin?

Be careful not to make him responsible for their entire relationship just cause he's marginally older.

[becknnico]

It just seems like it it always him taking taking taking and not giving back. My whole family has begun to notice. He kind of shuns him while he takes the better toy, moves to always go first, constantly points out that he won or went faster or is better and most of all gets overly frustrated when its pointed out. Honestly overall, he's just not really being a good friend to him. He doesn't seem to care about his feelings at all. I understand empathy is not going to be his strongest trait right now at 5, but in comparison to others his age, I think it is really lacking. We've worked on this and I've never shown him lack of it. I just wish he could treat him better I guess