How do you deal with "I hate you"?

[insanelycheerful]

DS1 (almost 6yrs) and DS2 (4yrs) seem increasingly to resort to "I hate you" when they are angry with each other. I really don't like to hear them use that word, and have generally tried to deal with it by saying we don't use that word, I understand you are cross etc etc, is there a better way you can say how you are feeling type of thing. I just feel it is creeping in more to their default language when arguing and I don't know whether to ignore it more (I know they don't really mean it, and don't necessarily appreciate how stark and awful it sounds to me!) or keep responding to it and discouraging it. Are they partly saying it in anger and partly to get a reaction?...

How do you deal with this sort of thing in your house? I should also add that DS2 says it to me fairly regularly at the moment when angry towards me (he has sensory issues and his temper can really flare/he can get very frustrated).

[Mehitabel6]

They will use it more if they sense it winds you up!
I would be very laid back and just say 'how odd- luckily I have enough love for all of us' - in a rather bored tone.

[insanelycheerful]

You are right, I know you are! I just hate to hear it and think I worry if I let it go they will think it's ok....perhaps I should try this though....

[Mehitabel6]

Give it a try - it is definitely just a phase when they use it on you.
You are not letting it go by commenting my way- they take it in and are far more likely to drop it if you sound really bored and don't take it seriously.
If they know it upsets you they will use it!