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Behaviour/development

3yo always asking for food - best way to deal with it?

9 replies

ZadokTheBeast · 25/05/2015 22:05

Hi. Just looking for some advice/views or opinions. Lovely DD has always eaten well and had a good appetite. We did BLW and it worked really well for us, she's not remotely fussy about anything and largely eats what we have. I make sure it is a healthy diet, loads of fruit and veg and pretty much everything home cooked, minimal salt and sugar etc. However nothing is 'banned' and I'm quite careful to not give her the idea that anyfood is 'better' than any other - so we don't use food as treats, or insist she finishes what she has on her plate. On the rare occasion she doesn't like something, we're fine with that, she doesn't have to eat it.
However, although she's always eaten well, lately she has become increasingly demanding - mummy may I have a banana/breadsticks/whatever when she's just had lunch; asking what's for supper as soon as we've had breakfast, asking if there's any more as soon as she's finished what's on her plate. Also if either DH or I are eating anything without her, she's asking for a bit of ours, or if she finishes hers before we do she wants some of ours.
Sounds like we don't feed her! but honestly she eats like a horse. She is not particularly tall for her age and generally in proportion, and she is at the upper end of the healthy BMI range (not into overweight).
I just am not sure how to deal with the constant requests. If I say no, how do I say no wthout making her feel bad for asking/giving her 'issues'? More than anything I want her to have a healthy relationship with food. I didn't, and was one of the 'fat kids' at school, and have continued to be slightly overweight my whole life. Consequently I am aware I might be overly worried about her ending up the same way. At the moment I'm saying 'no darling you've had enough' sometimes, saying ok sometimes, just saying no sometimes e.g if it's a biscuit or sultanas or other sugary stuff she's after esp. between meals and trying to tell her that other people's food is theirs even if she has finished her own. Which feels a bit arbitrary and confusing. She has an active life and is strong and healthy, but I need a consistent and positive way of responding to her on this. Any thoughts?

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KarenVivian · 25/05/2015 22:13

As long as you think she has had enough I don't see why you shouldn't just say no you've had enough. Stick to eating at mealtimes, no snacks and maybe try to avoid eating at different times to her.

When my DCs were young I found it difficult when other children were constantly having snacks at playgroups etc but we always set rules around only eating at mealtimes when you are sitting down at the table. Not sure if it worked but our DCs eat well and are not overweight.

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FATEdestiny · 25/05/2015 22:25

Sometimes I think my older children (10, 9 and 5) are bottomless - they could eat and eat and eat.

I dislike my children snacking between meals so would much prefer them to say they are still hungry at meal time and have seconds. You mention your DD saying she wants more at mealtimes. I would give her more if she is hungry.

I always ask mine if they want more after each meal (as in "I don't want you telling me you are hungry in an hours time, so if you are have more now"). Then if they are asking for anything to eat within 90 minutes of a meal it will get an outright refusal with the explanation that they were asked if they wanted more at mealtime and they said they didn't.

Then when the next meal is an hour away any request for something to eat will be refused on the basis of a meal being ready soon.

In between those hours either side of a meal, well we go through fruit like there is no tomorrow. I allow fruit or veg snacks freely in between meals. But only fruit or veg and without exception. The children are so used to this that they'll ask if they can have a piece of fruit, they know nothing else is forthcoming between meals.

I also encourage lots of drinking, which fills up tummies. We have 1 litre sports beakers filled with dilute squash available at all times. My children each drink between 3 and 4 litres of water through the daytime this way.

I don't allow eating from someone elses plate, that is just bad manners. We all eat together at the same time though.

I don't know if this is relevant but my children like to know what is coming in terms of meals. They will ask at bedtime what will be for breakfast in the morning. They will want to know what is for lunch at breakfast time and may also ask at breakfast what will be for their evening meal that afternoon. I'm not sure of the psychology of that but they do like to know what's coming in terms of meals. Then snacks between meals, as I have mentioned are always predictable in terms of what they can have and when (and why) they will not be allowed anything. So there are no surprises with the food they'll be eating.

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slightlyconfused85 · 26/05/2015 12:03

My 2 and a half year old dd is like this. I give her good size meals then requests for 'something else' are met with a firm no unless it is a meal time or a snack time (she has an afternoon. One, but not morning unless we've done swimming) she cries sometimes but I am confident that she's extremely well fed.

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workadurka · 26/05/2015 22:41

My 2 year old DS is similar and its exhausting and worrying. I also don't know how to deal with it. If he can see food he wants it, to the point where I'm considering hiding the fruit bowl as he can now almost reach it. But I'm so scared of giving him issues.

Earlier this week he had yoghurt, fruit, toast, eggs, beans, dilute juice - just for breakfast. Followed by "I'm hungry". This was also accompanied with screaming to have our food as well as his too, and eating at super speeds (quicker than I could).

We went to a birthday party recently and while all the other children were playing he just tried to grab all the food off the table and cried. He eats everything but gets especially agitated over things like cake and bread.

He will do stuff like grab vegetable peelings while I'm preparing dinner and try to eat them.

He even tries eating stuff like leaves, sand and soil.

We restrict portion sizes and generally give him pretty healthy food to stop him getting overweight, he's a pretty solid unit with a big tummy but not fat really.

I want to know if anyone has found a reason for this and come up with a solution, as I have a feeling the GP won't care unless DS is weighing a lot more than he should, but they dont see the amount of times i have to refuse him food and how careful we are to give him healthy portion controlled meals. The screaming and constant asking and way he eats like he's in a competition, shoving food into his mouth at an alarming speed without really chewing, is stressing me out.

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LittleLionMansMummy · 27/05/2015 16:09

I just go on the basis that if they say they're hungry they probably are and if they say they're not then they're not. Ds says he's hungry quite a lot (also eats anything) and some days seems to have hollow legs. I just offer loads of fruit or healthy snacks. Hummus and carrots is a good one. Also make sure she's getting enough protein rich food and you're not concentrating too much on carbs. The only things i really say no to when ds complains he's hungry is crisps, sweets and chocolate. My boss was a GP and she says she'd always offer fruit and isn't bothered about how much as long as her dd brushes her teeth well.

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BarbarianMum · 27/05/2015 17:22

Mine would quite often confuse hunger with boredom when younger. Requests for food definately filled the gaps when they didn't know what to do next. Try distracting her when she asks and see if she asks again before handing out food.

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MiaowTheCat · 27/05/2015 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madwifecrisis · 31/05/2015 16:12

My ds is 3y 7m and is completely obsessed with food. Like many of your children he is a bottomless pit when it comes to food and would quite happily eat all day if I let him. He is very active in fact he never sits still and is below the 50th centile for weight so that isn't a concern. It is completely exhausting sometimes with the constant requests for food followed by "but I'm still hungry" ALL THE TIME Confused. We went to a birthday party the other week and whilst all the other children were watching the entertainer my ds was constantly trying to get back into the room where all the food was. I was more than slightly mortified. He has a well balanced diet and his requests for food aren't all unhealthy but it's just the sheer number of requests and his fixation with food all the time that is worrying. I hope this is something that he will grow out of???

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Lovelydiscusfish · 31/05/2015 21:22

My three year old seems permanently hungry as well, just now! We are trying to cut down her snacking (and only allow fruit as a snack, nothing else). I also try offering a drink, but she doesn't really fall for that one!
She was born tiny, and is still very slim, so not too worried just yet, but obviously don't want it to escalate. Breakfast is the worst - she will just ask for item after item, all relatively healthy stuff, but just so much! And obviously we do want her to have lots of energy for the day ahead ... It's hard to know exactly how much is enough, sometimes!

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