DD, death and my grey hair

[KanyesVest]

DD is nearly 5 and for over a year now has been interested in and worried about death. We deal with questions and fears as honestly as we can when they arise, reassure her as much as possible then change the subject. One of the things we have told her is that most people who die are old. She associates being old with grey/white hair. I've recently stopped dying my roots and embraced my inner badger, but after a run of more frequent worries from DD, I'm wondering if my grey hair is causing a problem for her. She has commented on it a few times without being sad or worried, but she has also been more upset about dying separately to these conversations. Does anyone know more than I do about how to handle this fear without having to go to the hairdresser??

[KanyesVest]

Hopeful bump?

[ButIdid]

My children have all gone through phases of being very worried about death, mainly about me /us dying. I always tried to be honest with them, I think it is a natural developmental stage for them to go through.

I would try and work on her assumption that old= grey hair perhaps. So when you see younger people with grey hair, point them out, or even younger people with dyed hair maybe bring that up (subtly!).

Then you could also try and see people who really are old when you are out and about.

Also, make sure you tell them when stuff happens to old people you know - so and so went into a home, he's getting very unwell & frail now he's tired all the time, sleeping alot etc.... sad news my friend X from work, her grandmother died etc. We seem to almost unconsciously shield them from these things but it's part of life, and if they have 'real life' experience of the kind of people that usually die - elderly - it will make more sense to them.

Also, instead of always saying dont worry people dont usually die until they're old (as I think they think we are very old already), I sometimes said - people don't usually die until they are grandparents - so when you're all grown up, living with your partner, with big children of your own etc. thats when we're more likely to die...seemed to make more sense..

[RoseTheHat]

My five year old talks about and questions me about death a lot - one thing i've noticed is that if I jokingly refer to myself as "old", she immediately corrects me with "no, you're young Mummy" (well thanks very much dd ). I think it's not about my youthful looks but about the fact that she associates old = death.
Makes me sad that she worries about it but I guess it's normal.

[KanyesVest]

Lucky you, Rose, DD tells me I'm old because I have white hair!

Thanks, But, some good ideas there. I have to avoid the grandparents references as when she heard a friend's granny died, DD got extremely upset thinking her own grandparents were about to die. Since they're only in their 60s, we're hopeful that won't happen any time soon!