Bad health visitor advice or in denial?

[blushingmare]

Ok so can you just give me a bit of perspective please? DS had his 10mo check with a h/v today and there were few things that I really didn't think we're right, but maybe I'm being a typically deluded parent who is in denial about there being anything wrong with my precious child!

Firstly she said because he's on the 75th percentile for weight but only the 50th for height, I should watch his portion sizes and not give too much milk. This just didn't sit well with me. I mean, I know you always think your own baby is perfect, but DS is really not fat -he's not even a typical chubby baby! And surely you don't worry about restricting food in a 10mo?

Then she reacted like she was really concerned that DS still wakes 2-4 times a night and seemed to suggestctgats and that's really unusual and that it was a really bad thing that I'd got him into a "bad habit" by feeding him back to sleep. DD didn't sleep through til 15mo, so I don't find it that unusual at all. We cosleep and whilst obviously I'd love him to be sleeping through, I actually think I cope pretty well with the broken sleep and it doesn't bother me massively at the moment. But she made me feel like it was a cause for concern.

Then she said that he's not reaching his gross motor milestones and if he's not pulling to stand within 3 months to come back because he might need referral to physio. Now, I know he's a bit slow to get moving, but DD was just the same, so again, I'm not hugely concerned, especially as both DH and I were late movers too. And I'm a health professional myself and just felt it was really unprofessional to comment to a parent about physio referral at this stage as its sure to trigger anxiety, when in all likelihood he's absolutely fine. Why on earth would you mention a physio referral now -he's not even really delayed - just the slower end of normal!

what do you think. Am I being over sensitive or in denial or was that bad advice?

[primarywannabe]

Health visitors are nearly always ridiculous! It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about to me!

[ClearlyMoo]

My DD is 10mo. Not moving hardly at all... She doesn't even roll much. Last night she had me up 6 times. Arranging 10mo HV check is on my list of things to do. Reading this has made me push it further down the list. I know she's not developmentally slow as has good grasp of what's going on and some language skills. I think if I'd have that HV you saw I would be trying not to take it to heart but I would also be ! Ignore and enjoy your lovely stationary baby I say!

[TRexingInAsda]

He's 10 months! I'd just nod along and then dismiss everything she said tbh! Maybe re-think in a few months about standing, but don't worry about anything for now. x

[MrsCosmopilite]

We had a health visitor tell me that DD needed speech therapy as she couldn't pronounce 'sn' sounds. I just said I'd find out about it and left it at that.
She speaks absolutely fine now, very clear, and very logical in her flow.

I suppose the HV's have a checklist of sorts and flag up things that don't quite match. However, at 10m I can't see that there is any need for major concern.

[skankingpiglet]

Ugh. HVs are a PITA. My DD is nearly 10 months and I'm eagerly awaiting the letter for my check... When she was newborn the HV gave me nothing but earache. First about co-sleeping as DD absolutely refused to sleep anywhere else for the first month, or even be put down long enough to go to the loo. She'd scream so much she'd turn purple the moment she left our arms, what were we supposed to do?! And also mix feeding, which I was already feeling pretty crap about as I'd set my heart on EBF, but my milk took a really long time to come in as I'd had an ELCS due to DD being breech. I apparently should have kept her waiting for 5 days whilst my body caught up as giving a bottle that young would cause her to refuse the boob (no chance! Little boob monster!). Then HV complained she'd dropped too much weight (would have been even more if I hadn't taken the decision to top up!). It's definitely the best way to deal with new, hormonal, sleep-deprived mothers
Since then when I've been to get her weighed, I've gone with genuine questions only to be fobbed off with either non-existent or woolly answers. Helpful.
I'd take what they said with a pinch of salt tbh. It's pretty normal for babies to chub up a bit once they get into their food and before they get properly mobile. Plus people are just differently built. My DDs just above 25th for weight but somewhere between 50th and 75th for length. She's definitely not underweight to look at, just slim, and eats like a horse.
And I'm with you on the night wakings. She still has an entire 7oz bottle in small hours, plus a few reassurance wakes.
The information about possibly needing referring is most definitely scare mongering. She should have just said 'it's perfectly normal not to be doing these things yet, but if in X months he still isn't then you need to contact us for a referral' and left it at that.
Don't worry about it. I've realised now that they just have their script that they can't deviate from. As PP said, just smile and nod!

[tinfoilhat]

Haha, another one who says 'just smile and nod!'
Sounds like nothing to worry about at all, relax and enjoy!
I think most HV's are on a power-trip tbh....

[deana4]

ridiculous in my eyes, babies will develop at their own rate, so hes not pulling himself to stand, no big deal, have seen many babies who couldn't at that age, and they are all fine.
my first was on 98th percentile from about 7 months, he was a real sumo baby, rolls on rolls, today he is almost 6, weighs 42lbs and within normal weight and height limits.
as for the sleeping issues, they would have a field day with my 3rd, 18 months, who is asleep on me as I type, never slept through unless near me, and I don't care what health visitors say, mine told me to do controlled crying at 12 months. babies are not designed to fit into this modern way we live, they want to be with their mums end of. if u have a baby that sleeps through fab news, mums tell me how!! if not, so what, they are not babies for long and trust me u will miss the sleepy snuggles when they grow and stop.

relax, enjoy ur baby sounds like ur doing a great job, and let what the health visitors say wash over u

[JustkeepswimmingNemo]

I thought it was just my health visitor that was a bit of witch! Before I had Pfb she told my midwife I was depressed, I was almost due, it was hot! (Summer baby) and I was uncomfortable! But definitely wasn't depressed! My sister had the same midwife and told me to tell her nothing as she likes to think she knows everything! You know your baby best,ignore her

[sometimesyouwin]

My HV was quite helpful when I took my DS2 for his check. Before she started she explained that the checklist they now use is now based on the American system and that the some of the expectations for gross motor skills are overly high (particularly to do with pulling up to standing, reaching down from standing etc) so not to worry at all if he wasn't reaching them all. Don't know if that puts your mind at rest?

[MrsFlannel]

Oh yes don't worry. My friend was upset when her THREE year old couldn't buckle up a shoe when he was at the pediatricians for a check on development.

My SEVEN year old has a hard time with buckles! Some of the checklists are way off if you ask me.

[DPotter]

Really OP - you think (as a HCP) that having raised a potential concern regarding a child's health, that it is 'unprofessional' is explain there is a course of action to overcome the concern ? Really - think about it.

Whether or not the developmental milestone charts are over reaching or not, if a HV / midwife / GP / paediatrician thinks there may be a problem, surely it is the height of professional conduct to explain this to the parent and offer a suitable treatment option for the future if things don't improve. How many times do we have threads complaining about HV / GPs etc where said HCP has said there could be a problem and leaving the parent up in the air with no suggestion of what to do next and the parent is now in a state thinking their child has an uncurable condition.

[jmummyk15]

Most of them havent even had children or dealt with a non sleeping baby i end up not telling them my sitation as i feel looked down on and judged mine sleep with me n till few days ago my youngest was having 4 5 bottles in night was only way i got any sleep not saying its the best thing but when ur kid dnt eat or sleep what do u do...

[windypolar]

Some tend to err on the side of caution. I'd nod and smile, though not entirely dismiss her advice.

Remember though, if you really are finding HV a waste of time, you can opt of of the service, it's not compulsory.

[backtowork2015]

i think its just their current mantra. I was v upset at my ds 10m check. He's 98th for ht and hovers at the 75th for wt. so perfectly fine. we had a very bumpy start with feeding (formula!! just hated milk) and he was referred for failing to thrive. weaning had gone well and he was finally taking a good amount of milk too so I was very pleased to report. ..she could not have been more unsupportive, kept going on about cutting out milk and watching portion sizes so I "don't come back in 2 yrs with an overweight toddler" after everything we'd gone through I could have just done with a pat on the back!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

No, suggesting you put a baby on a diet doesn't sit well with me either. My DS has always gone through stages where his weight and height are a little out of proportion, then he grows and they are fine again.

A 10 month old not sleeping is also totally normal. Perhaps you could ask her what studies she has been reading on that one? . Have a look at this site and suggest she takes a look too

As for pulling up, my DS didn't pull up or crawl at that age. I always thought it wasn't an issue if they could bear weight?

Do think about raising these points with her supervisor. Sounds like she coukd do with some retraining

[Box5883284322679964228]

I think its good for the HV to be proactive but maybe should have arranged another visit for 6 months time instead of talking about referrals.

I can't see how a baby on the 50th percentile for height and 75th for weight could be considered average or slim though.

[LostMySocks]

Sounds like daft HV. I took my 17mo DS to HV as I was concerned he was a little on the heavy side. He's 50th for weigh and 2nd for height. HV said that he was following weight curve and as he's only just started walking that that was more relevant as once he started moving he'd be likely to slim down. Also said he could be due a growth spurt and then would balance out. She did talk about portion sizes but thought we were doing ok. She recommended another check in 3 months. Your DS sounds like mine. He didn't crawl to just over 10 months and no pulling to standing til nearly a year. He's only one line different. I'd reassess one he's moving. I was told to male sure that DS had at least 10oz of milk for calcium. I may however have seen that rare thing ... A good HV

[kimistayingalive]

Thankfully ours wasn't too bad. Honestly though I didn't really worry about what they thought I was more concerned about his speech delay and felt we were being dangled by a string. S&L started doing stuff finally but still not what we wanted. On the plus side our DS's speech is finally coming along (not where it should be but a big huge step in the right direction) so proud of him for those achievements.

If you weren't too concerned to begin with, take HV with a pinch of salt like everyone else suggested, if there is something that she has flagged that you are now concerned with, make an appointment with your GP and see what they say.

Weight and height aren't something to be too concerned with unless they are really under or over the "guidelines" and it could be a risk to their health and wellbeing. Being a bit chubby or slim is usually due to their metabolism and growth spurts and physical activity and will change a lot in a period of weeks, months and years.

[HoraceCope]

store it in your brain, dont stress about it,
may be she had a point,
may be she was over reacting?
she is just ticking boxes.
perhaps your dc shouldnt be on 75th?
perhaps your DC shoudl be encouraged to move more?
and wouldnt it be nicer if your dc didnt wake you up in the night?

[HoraceCope]

does not sound like ridiculous advice though. and she did say go back in 3 months if necessary?

[SomewhereIBelong]

does not sound ridiculous to me either - surely all HV is saying is that if you are feeding in the night 2 to 4 times - that's a lot of extra milk, and your child doesn't move much in the daytime, you need to keep an eye on his weight - not rocket science.

[Zebrasinpyjamas]

I think you should bear it in mind as something to consider as he develops over the next few months but don't overly worry about it. All those things are probably just timing but if you have it in your mind occasionally you can check they are not growing into an actual problem. My 10 mths old gets up once in the night and doesn't pull himself up so isn't too different.

I'm supposed to go back the hv in 2 months to get his "large" head re measured despite it being around 95 percentile (like his weight and height.....) She even suggested I take him to his gp to discuss the size if his head! I have not done this.

[Mutley77]

I think the sleeping and feeding advice was a bit off.

However personally I think it's good that they offered a referral for not pulling up at 13 months. I think the UK health system can be a bit hands off. I remember asking my HV about my DS's speech - he had no words at 22 months - and she was not bothered, said she was sure he would start talking.

As it happens he did, but she had no way of knowing, and actually I woudl have rather seen someone just to check - what's the harm?

My view is that referrals to experts is a positive not a negative, but I suppose everyone views it differently.