Bottom-wiping - diet or technique problem?

[LapinDeBois]

DS2 is 4.7 and is having real problems managing to wipe his bottom. He's never particularly liked doing a poo, ever since potty training (no apparent reason why), and he tends to hold it in for quite a long time - he often goes a number of days without pooing (although I'm not always 100% sure, as he occasionally goes at school). When he does go, his poos are, frankly, pretty epic in volume - but never hard, always very soft (though not as soft as diarrhoea). I think this is part of the problem - because his poos are very soft, they're extremely messy for him to wipe - they even take me quite a few wipes and sometimes wet wipes to get him clean. He's generally very good at doing things for himself, and he has been through a few concerted attempts to do the wiping himself, but then when he gets in a mess and gets poo on his hands he gets disheartened and doesn't want to do it any more.

I really want to help him to learn, but I don't know how. I'm not sure if I should be focusing on getting him to go to the loo more often, so there's less poo to deal with, or trying to adjust his diet to maybe give him firmer poos - or somehow teaching him a better technique. It's not that I mind helping him, or that I'm squeamish about wiping his bottom - but his school are very keen for him to be independent, and obviously he's going to need to do it himself eventually.

Does anyone have any tips?

[Piratejones]

At this age i would just do It for him to be honest. Dexterity at 4 isn't the greatest.

[Marioswife]

I still wipe my 9 year old's bum.

[LapinDeBois]

Well, it's reassuring that not everyone of that age is doing it themselves. I Suppose it's school that's partly the problem - I think he tries to avoid doing a poo at school because he doesn't want to wipe himself, and that in turn contributes to the whole 'holding it in' problem. But then, he didn't even like doing a wee at school to start with, and now he's fine with it, so maybe I just need to keep doing it for him at home for now, and wait until he gets a bit more able.

[Piratejones]

He'll get there, just in his own time.

[omama]

We are having similar issues with our ds, also 4.7. Like your ds it always takes a lot of wipes & he sometimes ends up with it on his hands which he hates. He doesn't go at school either, always hangs on & is desperate to go when we get home.

I've tried allsorts to get him to do it himself but he's very reluctant. Currently we take turns (with me always doing the first wipe) but we've never managed to progress from here. Am thinking next step may be a reward chart.

[LapinDeBois]

Yes, I've had similar thoughts. DS is very motivated by chocolate, which may help! I've also just read a suggestion on another thread to get the child to estimate how many wipes it will take (eg 'this is a five wipe poo!'). That sounds like just the kind of silliness that my son would like, so I might try it. (Oh, how my dreams of motherhood did not revolve around making up silly games about poo...)

[Allshallbewell]

My daughter (nearly 6) has always done very 'drippy' poos and, like your son, has been reluctant to wipe her bottom herself, due to the potential mess. At 4, I was still mainly wiping it for her, but getting her to do the occasional wipe and getting her to try out different bum-wiping techniques. She initially found it easiest to get completely off the toilet and wipe standing up. For the first wipe, she would use quite a lot of loo roll, covering as much of her hand as possible and sort of lightly wipe to catch the drippy bits (sorry, TMI). She has gradually got better and better and now generally just gets on with it on her own (although she still occasionally asks me to do a 'check wipe' at the end).
I'm not sure that changing your sons diet will change the poo consistency. My second daughter has a very similar diet to my first but her poo's are the polar opposite - one wipe needed, and she's done! Good luck

[LapinDeBois]

Thank you for the very useful TMI! I think you're right about the lots of loo roll. DS tends to scrunch the loo roll up quite small, so there's more chance of getting poo on his hands.