My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

killing eachother

7 replies

mirchops · 25/10/2006 22:10

my eldest ds (3 1/2) literally tries to kill his younger brother (18 months)when he is in a bad mood. the little one is generally quite good tempered and always wants to play with him but my oldest ds can have really bad moodswings. I try to distract them, separate them etc, but there are times (ie when cooking dinner) that I can't be hands on w them. I can feel that my eldest is really sad yet his behavior is so bad I can't help getting awfully cross w him, which other than making him completely hysterical (screaming to high heavens and going harder for his brother) also makes him more sad. It's a terrible heartbreakening dilemma because I don't want him to hit his brother but I don't know how to put it to him in a way so that he understands. I have slapped him (once(awful!) but normally I tell him to go to his room till he has calmed down. this will sometimes make him wet himself in frustration! HELP I'm so distraught about this and my little one is getting hurt badly.

OP posts:
Report
TooTickyTheAppleBobber · 25/10/2006 22:14

No help butlots of sympathy. My ds1 (7) often gets v. angry with ds2 (5) and violent. Always praise the good behaviour when ithappens. Is there a special activity that your ds1 could do with you or dad that is his only? Or can hehelp youmake dinner?Our worst times are when I am cooking!

Report
mirchops · 30/10/2006 12:44

Hi again, thanx for the idea about letting ds1 do something special w dad. Our worst time is dinner time too. I wish there was some sort of reading or advice re this. Its really horrific. Yesterday the little one nearly lost his two front teeth.

OP posts:
Report
GooseyLoosey · 30/10/2006 14:57

Have similar issues with DS (3.5) and DD (2.1). I end up feeling like I am making DS unhappy as I shout at him yet again for making DD cry and wonder if I am demonising him and he is just living up to my expectation of him.

From a practical perspective - DS gets a story in bed of his choosing if he gets to the end of the day without having hurt DD. If I remind him of this from time to time and ask him if he wants to lose his story in bed, it will usually help with his behaviour.

Report
mirchops · 30/10/2006 20:02

yeah I suppose the promise of some sort of treat (be it edible or enjoyable) is a good idea. I think also one my problems is attention. I can feel that the more attention he gets, the better he (DS1)behaves towards his brother. I just don't always have that much to give! (I mean, try cooking, shopping, tidying up etc at the same time as being an attentive devoted mum... huh.)

OP posts:
Report
GooseyLoosey · 31/10/2006 08:46

Absolutely agree about the attention thing - that's why we went for a story in bed - that way he gets 15 mins without little sister.

Have to say, so far I am in general finding 3 very difficult. My lovely son at times has turned into a complete monster!

I avoid cooking when they are around unless dh is there. I cook our dinner when they have gone to bed and then save some for their dinner the next day and for lunch they have something which does not require much cooking. Would that work for you?

Report
Pitchounette · 31/10/2006 09:01

Message withdrawn

Report
mirchops · 02/11/2006 08:24

hi, thanks for the advice, cooking dinner for the next day is a very good idea. I've tried involving ds1 when i cook and normally it wokrs very well, but but sometimes ds2 just sits on the floor crying because he can't be part of it, (having two little ones on the kitchen counter is too risky I think...?) then i try giving him things to play with and in other ways distract his attention from wanting to come up. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. i must say i admire your attitude Pitchounette it really helps to think cooly calmly and collected. I guess its lack of sleep that makes me lose my head some times... But i really dont want to shout, I think shouting is awfull, my dad always shouted at me and I can see how it only upsets ds1 more when it happens. So i guess its all about staying cool.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.