3 year old tantrums - would love some advice please

[Canigotosleepyet]

I'm feeling like a terrible mum and that my much loved 3 yr old dd is struggling at the mo - I'd love some advice from others as I feel totally overwhelmed at the thought of digging out all the childcare books again and just finding headspace to figure things out and come up with a plan!

Background: I'm very stressed at the moment with work/illness/family but my 3.3 year old's tantrums are getting worse not better after the terrible twos. If she hits/is naughty etc, I tell her what she's done wrong and ask her to apologise/pick up thing she's thrown etc. Much of the time she will respond by shouting no and running off or getting angry and grabbing the nearest things and throwing them too or pulling my hair or trying to hit me. I usually tell again what she's doing wrong and give her one more chance to make amends then into time out. But time outs are either pure anger from her of trying to scramble away from the spot, throw anything she can lay hands on or occasionally she'll immediately burst into tears, contrite and sob 'cuddle cuddle'. If she just has a silly tantrum and throws herself on the floor, i'm happy just to leave her to come out of it herself and reward with praise and attention when she does but most of the time she's too angry and volatile, or we're out and i have to manage thr situation. Am completely lost as what to do, she's obviously got a big temper (but never physically against anyone except siblings/parents) and older two were much more - er - docile!!

I just feel that I'm not teaching her anything about managing her emotions or improving the situation and it's just a battleground making everyone miserable. Feeling really sad about it. Please let me know what you think or what has worked for you. Thanks

[scrunchiemount]

I can understand this is really frustrating and difficult for you but I don't think it's hugely unusual. My sister threw horrible tantrums until she was 4/5 (even now she's still stroppy lol). My DS had tantrums like that at the age of 3. Not all kids have them which leads people to say 'oh that's not normal' but it is really. Not that that makes it any easier. I tried everything with DS - pleading, listening, talking, ignoring, being nice, getting cross - nothing worked. Only thing that sometimes worked was distracting - he used to really like baking so I used to ask him to look through my cookery books and pick out a cake he might like to make, for example. Getting him focussed on something else worked well.

[Canigotosleepyet]

Thanks scrunchie - it's good to hear someone else say it's not just me! I just feel that things are getting worse not better. But today I tried really hard with distraction and keeping calm, and it was definitely better than usual. Now how many more years of this...