Shy 3 year old

[Jackie2kids]

My DS is 3 and quite shy (and getting shyer). He was always a clingy baby, needing lots of entertaining etc, which I didn't really mind (any excuse not to do housework). He's been 2 nursery part timr since 6 mnths and been upset when I left but otherwise happy. Now he has 2 very good friends at nursery but as the same kids don't go every day, he is unhappy when his friends aren't there. He's started to say he is poorly and can't go and sys that he hasn't anyone to play with. The staff are trying to help him join in the games etc. What can I do to help? This sat we are going to a party, his friends aren't going and I know he won't want to join in. Should we not go to party, or go and just watch or should I go and join in games too? I would love some advice. Thanks. J

[zubb]

I'd go to the party and join in the games. If he sees you having fun and joining in he may want to as well. I'm sure nursery will get better, and teaching children to interact is one of the aims of nurseries so that this problem isn't there when he starts school.
Are there any children going to teh party who are from nursery?

[Jackie2kids]

Thanks zubb. The party is for one of the girls at nursery so he will know most of the kids. I think I will take him and join in. The last party we went to, I was the only mum on the bouncy castle (but hey it keeps me fit). My worry was that if I always play with him will he ever start playing with the others, but I guess he is still quite younge and there will soon be a time when he doesn't want to be seen with me let alone play with me. J

[ladymariner]

My son wasn't particularly clingy but he hated traditional party games, so if we went to a party like this he would stay sitting on my knee. However, if asked, he said he was havng a lovely time, and would join in quite happily at the tea table and so on. Then one day off his own back he went to join in the games and never looked back. Every child is different but I'd say take him and encourage him gently as much as possible to chat to the others and lead by example. If he sees you having fun then he will feel much more comfortable. Even if he stays with you, he is still seeing the other children and interacting to a degree.

[Jackie2kids]

Thanks LM. I'll see how we go. He is looking forward to going, but keeps saying lets see if Nathan goes (even though I know he isn't). J

[rosie79]

Definatley go to the party, the more exposed he is to these situations the easier he will find them. My DS is also quite shy, not with other children, just with adults, he didn't say a word to any adults for the first term of nursery. He's a quiet child anyway, but now does talk to adults more.

Try not to draw attention to his shyness or give him extra attention for it as this will reinforce the behaviour. It sounds like you don't make a big deal out of it anyway which is good.

Steve Biddulph claims that shyness is a myth and a learned behaviour brought on by being rewarded for it, I don't totally agree with that as it is more down to personality from my experience, but there is some truth to his argument that shyness is often positively rewarded as it is 'cute or indeering' to begin with. Not that this applies to you or anything, just thought it was interesting

[Jackie2kids]

Thanks girls 4 your advice. Porobably wouldnt have gone 2 the party otherwise as DS started saying he didn't want to go. However so glad we did as after about 15mins of me playing enthusiastically (manically) on bouncy castle etc with him and friends (I think people started to think I was the entertainer) he started chasing round with another lad and I was able to sit down and watch and chat to other mums. It was such a novelty as I've never really been able to watch him playing with other children without me and he was so funny and quite able to hold his own. I think I should stop thinking of him as a shy child. Maybe thats where Stephen Bidulp is coming from. Thanks again for the support. J