Really struggled with ds today

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

I feel like we've had a miserable day and his behaviour has been awful. He's 2 (3 in March) and has become really stroppy, aggressive and shouty over the last few weeks. He's always been bossy but kind natured but he's now started deliberately throwing things and trying to break things. He's hit me a few times (which he's never done before) and just won't do anything at all without a battle.

Today has been terrible. He's thrown stuff around the house, pulled the Christmas tree over and hit me in the face. I've been ill and dealt with it badly, raising my voice instead of staying calm. I work ft and feel like I have little influence over who is around him day to day and I feel like he's mirroring the behaviour of one of the older boys who goes to the cm. (I've heard him using similar words and being really destructive)

What can I do to help him? I want my lovely natured little boy back. We went to bed happy with cuddles and saying 'love you', but I don't get another full day with him until Sunday and feel terrible that our time together has been so fraught. Any ideas how to tackle this?

[Shakey1500]

I know it's an old saying but "Pick your battles" really helped me. Else it will feel like you're reacting to everything. Anything you say will lose it's impact etc. So, I would say, ignore the throwing stuff around (unless it's fine china ) and concentrate on addressing the more important stuff like hitting.

The main thing is, you've both ended the day with happiness and cuddles. That in itself is priceless

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

Thanks for your reply. I get what you mean about tackling the most important things, I just really don't know how! When he hits I say no hitting, he says sorry then does exactly the same thing later. He is very verbal and has excellent understanding so I don't think he doesn't know that it's wrong. He's so affectionate but seems to be getting more annoyed and angry when he doesn't get his own way.

[Thurlow]

The terrible twos are not given that name for no reason

DD is a similar age and while we haven't had the violence so much, we've had climbing and jumping all over us and hurting us in the process, throwing things about. And everything turned into a battle, though in our case it was because she was off with the fairies and not listening to anyone.

Things felt like they'd reached a very shouty head a few weeks ago so we've been making an effort to calm things down and try and encourage some better behaviour.

What's helped us recently has been really focusing on that whole idea of when do they get your attention. It really is easy to give them 'attention' when they are being naughty or doing something you don't want them to do, and then give them less attention when they are being good. So we're currently doing the inane praise when she is playing well, holding our hand well etc. It feels stupid but it seems to be working.

On the flipside, mildly naughty behaviour such as throwing, clambering painfully on people gets a lot less attention. Sometimes I just move the toy away and try to not respond to it.

The time out step is starting to work for us as well, but I appreciate that's not everyone's cup of tea, and also not every child responds well to it. If DD hits, for example, we tell her not to do it as it's naughty and it hurts, and warn her that if she does it again she'll go in time out. Then if she does do it again, it's the whole Supernanny routine with time out.

It seems to be working a bit - I mean, she's still a 2 year old but I've found by me trying consciously to be a bit calmer with her, she has starting to be a bit calmer with us.

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

Thank you, I suppose its its a normal part of being two! Rrally like the idea of lots of attention for the good behaviour and ignoring the low level naughtiness. Not really sure how to go about time out, don't they just ignore you and carry on anyway?

[Thurlow]

I think time out depends a lot on their personality. DD gets put on the bottom step and told to sit there until we come and get her (2 minutes). She does sit, which I appreciate not all children will do. There are guides online about it if you do want to try it. We use it rarely, so I think she knows it means she has done something very naughty (biting, throwing food etc) and it generally seems to work.

But generally I've found recently that the calmer and nicer I am, though it can be very hard to be so - I like the MN trick of pretending that someone is watching you! - the calmer and nicer DD is.

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

I will spend this next few weeks taking the calm approach, then consider time out if there's no improvement. Thank you :)