Struggling with my 4 year old

[3boys3dogshelp]

Sorry if this is long, i don't really know where to start. I have 3 boys, 6,4 and 1. My 6 yr old has his own issues but is a very pleasant and extremely well behaved little boy. We are often complimented on his behaviour.
My 4 year old has always been feisty!! He is very intelligent, very funny, has lots of friends and is behaving at school. At home he is like Jekyll and Hyde. In the last week he has kicked me in the shins, screamed, shouted, had several tantrums and punched me in the face ( i asked him to fasten his own seat belt and he finds it hard). He has also told me he loves me several times, made me laugh with silly jokes and made me a card completely unprompted.
I am exhausted and worried i am becoming depressed. If friends comd over he is equally unpredictable and i think people are starting to avoid us.
Teacher has no concerns. Lots of peopld mention middle child issues but his behaviour started pre dc3. I remember speaking to his nursery teacher ehen hd was just 3 (she had no concerns).

[3boys3dogshelp]

My question is what on earth should i do?
Have tried reward chartd with limited success, naughty step -used to work well now doesn't. Now he is sent to bed.
Ihave tried giving him more positive attention - works but not sustainable with 3. He has hobbies 3 days a week. Is in bed by 7.30 every night as worse when tired. I am very consistent and calm when disciplining usually as he responds best, but his temper is terrible. He is very apologetic when he calms down.
Any advice?

[Aradia]

I had similar issues with my 3 year old. I saw 123 Magic the book recommended on here so bought it a couple of weeks ago and oh my god it is fecking amazing, seriously! I have tried absolutely EVERYTHING, parenting classes, you name it. Nothing worked till this book. He is now a different child! He actually listens to me and does as he is told!! . It's really simple and I scoffed a bit to be honest, as he was such hard work I couldn't see how a book could make him work but it really does! It was only a few quid on kindle as well. I don't get commission honest lol! I am now so much calmer and so is he, I am telling everyone I meet about this book. Hope it helps!

[3boys3dogshelp]

There's just something...odd, can't think of another word. He listens really well a lot ofthe time. But then he loses his temper and he is uncontrollable. I try to give him space to calm down but its often when out or in the car.

[3boys3dogshelp]

Thanks i'll have a look.