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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Dh & I have different at loggerheads on how to deal with ds

23 replies

whoopsfallenoveragain · 03/10/2006 19:20

He is 5 years old and just started school but for the last couple of weeks he has been pooing himself. Dh thinks we should send him in in pull ups tomorrow but he isn't the one that has to drop ds off in the morning.
Ds is horrified at the thought of having to wear the pull ups & I feel like I may die of embarassment

I am tempted to make it look like he was going in pull ups to dh then change him before going into school but then would be going against dh

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

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beckybrastraps · 03/10/2006 19:22

I would not send him in in nappies. I would ask his teacher what she thought.

VoluptuaGoodshag · 03/10/2006 19:22

They always say do not go back to nappies once you've started. Mine are much younger so can't offer advice from experience but I'd say that he'll be fine in his pants. Perhaps you could explain the situation to his teacher and they could do the softly softly approach. Poor wee lad is just a bit daunted by it all I think and would rather keck in his breeks than go to the toilet.

Glassofslime · 03/10/2006 19:25

I really wouldn't send him in pull ups, my dd2 is in reception and would notice if another child was wearing pullups if say it was PE day. He could get seriously teased, far more then the poo in pants, which the other children probably don't know about. I'd talk to the teacher, talk to ds and offer some sor t of incentive (ie. bribary)

southeastastralplain · 03/10/2006 19:28

can you try and make him go before or after school instead? children are very scared of the loo at school and may try to avoid using it. poor thing.

whoopsfallenoveragain · 03/10/2006 19:29

Sorry just read the title doesn't make sense! but dh was about to look over my shoulder!

The teacher is aware of the situation but has stated today that it is making things difficult as her TA was off sick and they had to get one from another class to help deal with ds.
I don't feel that putting him back in nappies is the right thing either though.
Just don't know how to stop him having the accidents either

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TwigTwoolett · 03/10/2006 19:30

definitely not pull-ups

this happened to a friend of mine .. it turned out to be that she didn't want to miss things at playtime so didn't go in time

speak to teacher and ask if she can remind him to go at certain times

speak to DS and ask him if there's a particular time he feels he needs to go but doesn't

and just don't over-react

whoopsfallenoveragain · 03/10/2006 19:31

Yes we have been getting him to go before but he also needs to go during the day it seems and the teacher has also been sending him at times to try and do something

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TwigTwoolett · 03/10/2006 19:32

school toilets can be scary places for small children .. maybe you could go in with him ?? just talk him through it ??

whoopsfallenoveragain · 03/10/2006 19:38

He has said he is scared of the magic flush which I believe is the urinals flushing through

but I have explained what it is etc

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TwigTwoolett · 03/10/2006 19:53

have you gone in with him and shown him though ? might help

cowmod · 03/10/2006 19:53

i htink they shoudl take the ta at certian times of the day to stand htrere and chat to him ( outside obfv) while he goes in

cowmod · 03/10/2006 19:54

can you go and hear reading or summat for one morning and be there to take him

Sparkler1 · 03/10/2006 19:57

HI Whoops - so sorry to hear you are still having probs with ds . Good idea from Cod there about you going in to do a bit of parental helping. Hope you get things sorted soon.

whoopsfallenoveragain · 04/10/2006 06:55

The nly thing that I would worry about if I went in would be him expecting it all the time as he is being like that at the moment

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tigermoth · 04/10/2006 07:14

My sons were not at all keen on going for a number 2 in the primary school toilets.They would try and ingore the need to go. Apparently the cublicle doors were easy to open and other children sometimes tried to watch. Agree with twiglett that school loos can be scary places. Perhaps there is some sort of bullying or teasing game that goes on in them and your son has witnessed it or been told about it? Or perhaps the loo paper is not the same as he is used to at home?

Anyway, I'd talk to him, really try and get to the bottom of it (no pun intended) perhaps while visiting the loos with your son one day after school so he can show you while he talks.

I too wouldn't resort to pull ups. Hopefully the TA can do more as well.

throckenholt · 04/10/2006 07:35

have you talked to him about what is worrying him ? You mention the "magic flush".

My DS1 started school at just over 4 (july baby), and it was the toilets that bothered him most, particularly the urinals flushing unexpectedly.

Is there maybe another toilet he could use - say a disabled one - until he gets his confidence in the main one ?

Try and sit down with him and ask him how it makes him feel and see if you can work out a solution together.

I agree if he doesn't want to do pullups them forcing him may make the situation work.

Can you maybe make sure he goes to the loo before school, and agree for someone to take him at lunchtime ? If he knows that is going to happen it may help.

I bet he is not the only one who finds it disconcerting.

mumandlovingit · 04/10/2006 13:14

my friends boy started weeing himself at school when he'd been dry for ages, she just sent extra pants and trousers and made sure the teachers kept asking him if he eeded to go.i really wouldnt resort back to pull ups
good luck

Blu · 04/10/2006 13:19

DS had a couple of completely unprecedented poo accidents within the first couple of weeks of starting school. I think it was general anxiety and unfamiliarity. Neither us nor the school made any big deal of it at all, and it stopped completely.

It's very worrying, isn't it?

I don't think the school should be putting pressure on you - 'our' school were adamant that it happens all the time with new reception children.

BudaBeast · 04/10/2006 13:19

A friend's DS did this (at 8!) and it turned out he was actually constipated believe it or not. Have you taken him to the doc? Even though you think he goes regulary there may still be a medical reason.

Before they dicovered my friend's DS's problem the teacher was great at sending him off on "jobs" so that he could go without everyone knowing.

whoopsfallenoveragain · 04/10/2006 13:40

I took him to the doctors and she prescribed him Senakot to try & get him to go first thing in the morning but he also seems to need to go in the afternoon too.
I am going to try & get another appoinment for him tomorrow as the Senakit just seems to make things too runny!

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Blu · 05/10/2006 13:15

I would take him off the senacot straight away! the poor little mite has probably had all his signposts muddled up, iyswim! he hasn't got as much warning as he used to.

How often does he have an accident at school?

sorrell · 05/10/2006 13:18

He's on a powerful laxative and he's pooing himself? Yes, get him off the senakot. Poor mite!

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whoopsfallenoveragain · 05/10/2006 13:20

I didn't give him any Senakot on Tuesday night and he went all day yesterday no accidents so won't be giving him that again!
He has between 1 & 3 accidents a day but it is at weekends as well as school days

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